I woke up and knew it. I was miserable. It’s like the sun was plucked from the sky and my life was over. I told myself several times to not consider suicide. Just make it until we get a new home, it’ll get better.

It kept me going throughout the day. I managed to go out to Malibu and spend some time feeding ducks and looking over some wetlands. I felt sick and I felt tired. Not like go home and have a nap tired, but just lay down and go to sleep right there. I of course didn’t but man it was so tempting thinking about just closing my eyes forever.

I’m not suicidal. I’m not making any plans to off myself. I just sometimes want to give up. Hands in the air screaming “Fuck it brain you win!!” I’m not going to through.

As always with depression my paranoia is getting worse. I have to keep telling myself that I am making mountains out of molehills and nothing I would even think is unacceptable is going on. I really hate my brain.

I drew this drawing and posted it for my BFF last week, I have to remind myself it’s true as well.

Gotta fight, just have to keep going. I have to. Making dreams come true if you are there to see them happen. Things are good in life. It’s just the damn brain and I will not give in to this mental illness. Today anyhow. 1 day at a time.