I woke up in a good mood, still feeling happy about my hair cut.
I played on the computer for a few hours and had some fun. It seemed like a really good kind of day.
Then I got a message from my BFF saying she was upset with me. Rightly so. I haven’t been there for her like I should mostly because I’m afraid. Ever since I found out her cancer came back, I’ve been terrified. I’m afraid of losing the only other person that I love unconditionally besides my husband. I admit it makes me a coward for turtling myself into a shell and hiding.
I hope she forgives me for being so stupid. It hurts me to think that I might have hurt her in any fashion. She is going through more than enough, she doesn’t need my bullshit on top of it.
In a perfect world I would spend every day with her and we would be happy and healthy.
A Bipolars Reality 
The world isn’t perfect, but I hope that you can connect with her soon. XX
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I admire you for admitting that you haven’t been able to provide the kind of support to her that you’d like – it’s not too late. I did the same thing as you with two close friends who had cancer, and I regret it.
Do you know what she’d like from you specifically? More phone calls/emails/texts? I know it must be so tough, so take baby steps and try to do just one thing to start with. I know you can do it! Let us know how it goes. XOXO
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Do not be so hard on yourself. Apologize to your friend. Let her know you reacted fearfully and that you will try not to be so fearful. Cancer is not necessarily a death sentence. My mother has lived with lymphoma for thirty years. Of course, each case is different.
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