I Hate The Rage

It’s almost 5am as I write this and I can’t sleep. My legs are driving me crazy which tends to happen when I spend to much time on them or the temperature is not the same as my body completely.  I literally tore on of my favorite tanks trying to rip get it off because it kept getting underneath me.  I finally just got out of bed.

I want to punch something hard. Something that would shatter and send shards all over the place. Piercing my skin so I can think about that instead of the fact that I can’t sleep and the anger is just building and building.

I know it’s the mania, I have to be so careful because of hubby and the dogs. I feel so damn hate-filled and destructive though. I’m trying to control my breathing so that I don’t hyperventilate and make things worse. It is so hard to control everything when I am so pissed off at everything.

I don’t even understand the point of it.  My fucking broken brain, I just want to stab a knife in the side of my head and shut it the fuck up. JUST SHUT UP!! I hate you.

Must remain calm…

2 comments

  1. I hope you’re feeling better. I just went through hellish mania, I understand wanting it to stop and how terrible the rage is and it just takes over when it wants to. Hang in there.

    Like

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