Month: January 2018

Frigging Snow

Today I woke up to a world covered in snow, hell it’s still snowing. It might make it so that I can’t make it to my shrinks tomorrow and I’m out of rexulti.  Do you ever just know things aren’t going to work out? I’m feeling slightly pessimistic right now.  The drugstore called me and I have no idea why and of course I didn’t get the message until after they were closed so now I have to wait for that until tomorrow.

On the Dani front, the pup seems to be feeling much better now that she has a couple days worth of antibiotics in her. She’s still coughing but she is running around and having a blast. The other two dogs are still getting used to her, Lilly our littlest is being a super bitch to her, she actually bit at her face and pulled out some fur. We’ll be taking the puppy with us when we go out so as not to leave them alone. I honestly thought she would love the puppy the most since Charlie never plays with her and she is only a couple years old, still a puppy herself. I think she is jealous at this point and I know it will pass.

On the mood front, I had an ok day, not a great mood and not a lot of sleep because who knew it would be so difficult sleeping with 3 dogs in a king sized bed. We’ll work it out though.  Trying to stay on the positive side of things is definitely difficult to say the least. Kind of looking forward to when I can smoke weed again. Just something to look forward to I guess.

Well that’s it for today. Least I’m blogging.

 

Back On Track

Ok the puppy is starting to feel better in her lungs thanks to some antibiotics but now her poor tushy is giving her problem which I assume is from the antibiotics, I know it does it to people. The poor little thing we’re trying to get her over 3 pounds so she doesn’t go hypoglycemic but with all these problems it’s going to take a bit. Today she was coughing less and actually playing, she has been sleeping for the past 3 days so you can understand why that’s good.

My mood is still pretty good though I’m feeling sorry for the little fur baby.  I’m nervous about seeing my shrink because of the rexulti, but I am going to deal.

I haven’t smoked any weed since Christmas day so I don’t know if that is a factor or not, we’ll see in February when I start smoking again. If it turns out to have a negative impact on my antidepressants thanI will just not smoke anymore. At least not as often.  Maybe once in a blue moon. We’ll see.

My diet still hasn’t taken off, with the new puppy and the sink being full of dishes I haven’t managed to get any cooking done, so we’ve had a lot of pizza and hamburgers.  The sink is a battle between my husband and myself. We’ll see who loses. lol.

Well that’s it for today, see ya tomorrow.

 

Sick Puppy

The new puppy we have has kennel cough so I forgot to write on my blog. She visited the vet today and got some antibiotics, hopefully she’ll be feeling better in the next few days. I need to get back to her but didn’t want to miss another day.

I can’t believe that I forgot to hit publish. Geez another day of missed blog….

My mood has been great except for feeling worried for the new fur baby.

I go and see my shrink on Tuesday so hopefully I’ll know more about the whole Rexulti situation. I really hope the insurance company covers it, we can’t afford 900.00 a month. Things are finally starting to swing into the positivity side, I consider ok a good mood too because it’s not negative.

I’ll be better about the blog tomorrow. sigh.

 

Another Good Day

It was another good day, though a tiring one. I am used to sleeping until noon because my sleep is so messed up and I was up at 8:15 this morning. Gotta take care of the new puppy. I decided to call her Dani after my late best friend. She was a huge lover of dogs and even volunteered for her local shelter, so that just seem like the perfect name to call the new little one.

My mood has stayed up the whole day even though I had to miss a dose of one of my meds because the script hasn’t been filled yet, I hate that. Having to depend so much on doctors and pharmacists is a real pain in the ass. I hate missing doses, but maybe I’ll get a hypo-manic phase out of it 😉

Well that’s all for today.

 

 

A Good Day

Today was a good day even though I am only going on about 3 hours sleep, if that. My mood was good though and we went out and got a third fur baby, a little 2.5 month old Havanese. We haven’t named her yet, she so cute and usually I come up with a name right away, but I think the lack of sleep is making that super difficult. I’m even having some problems typing. So this blog is going to be short.

So 1) No depression today

2) I went out!

Not too bad at all.

 

Right Side OF The Bed

Today I woke up in a completely different place than I did yesterday. I laughed at something my husband said to me about 5 minutes after I woke up. It was nice, my husband is so awesome at making me laugh, sometimes even when I am at my darkest. When I am depressed he always asks if there is something he can do to help. Usually there isn’t but it’s so awesome that he wants me to feel better.

Last night I had a dream that I lived in a house with a group of people and all these other people kept coming over and touching my stuff, it was really pissing me off. Even touching the phone set me off on a rant. What a weird dream to have, I wonder what it means. I don’t have people over to my house very often. I used to have a weekly dinner with my sister in law and mother in law but I started shutting myself off when the depression got to be too much. I think I need to start having them over again.

Today I think I’ll have another relaxing Sunday where I just sit and listen to music for a couple/few hours. Music is really a part of me, even if I don’t play an instrument.  Even when I’m depressed I sometimes listen to music so I can zone out and forget about how I’m feeling. Isn’t it wonderful to have something so simple be so helpful?

Well off to listen to some tunes, hope you have a wonderful day.

 

 

My Damn Brain

I felt it coming last night, it was lurking in the background of my mind. When I woke up this morning I was super depressed. I feel like crawling back into bed and just staying there. It feels like I’ve never been happy.  I know it was okay just a day ago but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

I don’t even feel like posting my blog, but I made a promise and I don’t break my word, ever.

So here’s my post, I’m going to crawl under a blanket and watch Golden Girls.

See ya later.

As an edit, I had a nap and woke up feeling slightly better. I don’t know why but I’m grateful, I was stuck in a horrible place feeling like I couldn’t get out.

 

Sleep And Blogging

I finally got some good sleep last night. Apparently getting up in the middle of the night instead of just laying there for four hours or longer works. Or I was just too tired from not sleeping so many nights, who knows. I’ll do the same thing tonight if I can’t sleep and see what happens, though there is really not much to do at that time of night, I’m sure I can find something on crunchyroll or netflix to watch.

I’m still pissed that I posted so late yesterday, I suppose it’s going to take a while for it to become a habit. I think they said doing something for 21 days makes it a habit so we will see if that is true. I’m only a little over a week now.

Can’t stop yawning even though I slept well last night and had a nap this afternoon.

Right now I’m terrified of the flu. I rarely leave my house so hopefully that will keep me safe. I hate reading about it killing perfectly healthy people, because I’m overweight and likely have a shitty immune system from not being constantly exposed to things/people.

Anyhow that’s it for the day. Other than my mood which is just okay but still not depressed, so that is something.

Almost Forgot

I almost forgot to post today. Hubby and I sat down and binge watched the entire second season of the magicians. I’m counting this as writing today because I haven’t gone to bed yet.

Today was another okay day, with hints of blah. I again didn’t sleep very well.  Going to have to talk to my shrink about it, she will likely suggest tarazadone (sp?) an antidepressant that actually helps you sleep. We have had to do that in the past.  Still haven’t heard back on whether the appeal has been accepted or not. I hate waiting for other people to do things that might end up being beneficial to me.

I don’t have much else to say. I’m going to go crawl into bed and hope to sleep tonight. I’m not sure I’ll be able to as I got a couple hours sleep this afternoon, but keep your fingers crossed.

 

Another Okay Day

Today I have been mostly just Okay with the occasional spot of happiness. I like that. I think I would feel even better if I could get some decent sleep. I keep waking up constantly through the night and then having a problem falling back asleep.

I’ve always had a hard time with sleeping. I can nap pretty well but a full nights sleep doesn’t happen all that often. I think it has to do with my meds to be honest.

Last night was really weird because I woke up to go to the washroom and accidentally knocked over something with liquid in it on the back of the toilet and didn’t realize it happened. The dogs started barking and I heard this weird sound and hubby sprang out of bed to check the doors. I figured out where it was coming from but not what it was for a couple minutes. That definitely got the adrenaline going. Took a long while to go to sleep after that.

I did put away some things today which honestly getting anything done is a bloody miracle.  I am writing my blog too, so my days feel like I am accomplishing something.  I’m glad I decided to do this.