depression

Day 6

Today my mood was pretty good. Nothing got me down. My husband even had to work late and I was totally chill about it.

Today the puppy was awesome and would told to go potty, she runs to the peepads and goes, like on command. It’s nice because I know she won’t (hopefully) pee on the comforter again.

Sorry I’m too stoned to write, it’s taken me forever to write this. This was not my intention, I thought that Iwould be able to write better but clearly not, eep. \_O_/

The Rexulti withdrawal was fine today on the first day of going down to 1mgs.

Day 4

Today I’ve been sluggish and had a bit of a headache. You know one of those ones that are just on the edge of turning into something? I don’t like to take medications so I have just tolerated it. I think it’s the withdrawal from the Rexulti.

The puppy is doing well but really limiting where I can go in my house. She doesn’t want to chill on my lap upstairs so I have to stay downstairs. It’s just too dangerous up here.

My mood is on the edge of pissy, it wasn’t too bad earlier but as the day has gone on it has gotten worse. I think it’s because I feel like a prisoner at the moment. Now I brought this on myself. I wanted another puppy because I was feeling that I had more love to give. I do love Dani to pieces too, I just am missing doing some of my normal stuff. Usually I play some WoW or do some face booking. I’m spending a lot of time watching TV, which I do that too but now is it feeling kind of forced.

Well that’s it for today. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Rexulti

So my shrink only gave me two sample packs of Rexulti which is only enough to last a week, as I take 3mg pills and these are ones and twos, so I am going to just wean myself off it and hope that it doesn’t hurt too bad. The withdrawal sounds like it is going to suck. I just don’t know what else to do, I know the appeal is going to fail or has already failed. I can’t afford 900 bucks a month. Wish I could.  So starting tomorrow I’ll be taking 2mg for 5 days, then 1 mg for 7 days. Then it will be done.

The pup is a handful as she is going none stop now. Constantly running, playing and biting. Damn her little teeth hurt so much, I am trying to train her to only chew on toys but my the bruises on my arms and hands mean I’m not being very successful yet. Little bugger was even pulling on my hair. She’s adorable though and when hubby gets home he gives me a hand with her. That’s how I get a break to write my blog, I could never have her up here where there is a gazillion cords for her to bite through.

My mood today has been kind of down. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and when I realized the doctor hadn’t given me enough rexulti I just got pissy feeling. I hate having to depend on other people because most times I find that you can’t.  I’m hoping tomorrow will be a better day and am looking forward to going to bed very much. Only another 2 hours to go!

Wish me luck!

Frigging Snow

Today I woke up to a world covered in snow, hell it’s still snowing. It might make it so that I can’t make it to my shrinks tomorrow and I’m out of rexulti.  Do you ever just know things aren’t going to work out? I’m feeling slightly pessimistic right now.  The drugstore called me and I have no idea why and of course I didn’t get the message until after they were closed so now I have to wait for that until tomorrow.

On the Dani front, the pup seems to be feeling much better now that she has a couple days worth of antibiotics in her. She’s still coughing but she is running around and having a blast. The other two dogs are still getting used to her, Lilly our littlest is being a super bitch to her, she actually bit at her face and pulled out some fur. We’ll be taking the puppy with us when we go out so as not to leave them alone. I honestly thought she would love the puppy the most since Charlie never plays with her and she is only a couple years old, still a puppy herself. I think she is jealous at this point and I know it will pass.

On the mood front, I had an ok day, not a great mood and not a lot of sleep because who knew it would be so difficult sleeping with 3 dogs in a king sized bed. We’ll work it out though.  Trying to stay on the positive side of things is definitely difficult to say the least. Kind of looking forward to when I can smoke weed again. Just something to look forward to I guess.

Well that’s it for today. Least I’m blogging.

 

Another Good Day

It was another good day, though a tiring one. I am used to sleeping until noon because my sleep is so messed up and I was up at 8:15 this morning. Gotta take care of the new puppy. I decided to call her Dani after my late best friend. She was a huge lover of dogs and even volunteered for her local shelter, so that just seem like the perfect name to call the new little one.

My mood has stayed up the whole day even though I had to miss a dose of one of my meds because the script hasn’t been filled yet, I hate that. Having to depend so much on doctors and pharmacists is a real pain in the ass. I hate missing doses, but maybe I’ll get a hypo-manic phase out of it 😉

Well that’s all for today.

 

 

A Good Day

Today was a good day even though I am only going on about 3 hours sleep, if that. My mood was good though and we went out and got a third fur baby, a little 2.5 month old Havanese. We haven’t named her yet, she so cute and usually I come up with a name right away, but I think the lack of sleep is making that super difficult. I’m even having some problems typing. So this blog is going to be short.

So 1) No depression today

2) I went out!

Not too bad at all.

 

Right Side OF The Bed

Today I woke up in a completely different place than I did yesterday. I laughed at something my husband said to me about 5 minutes after I woke up. It was nice, my husband is so awesome at making me laugh, sometimes even when I am at my darkest. When I am depressed he always asks if there is something he can do to help. Usually there isn’t but it’s so awesome that he wants me to feel better.

Last night I had a dream that I lived in a house with a group of people and all these other people kept coming over and touching my stuff, it was really pissing me off. Even touching the phone set me off on a rant. What a weird dream to have, I wonder what it means. I don’t have people over to my house very often. I used to have a weekly dinner with my sister in law and mother in law but I started shutting myself off when the depression got to be too much. I think I need to start having them over again.

Today I think I’ll have another relaxing Sunday where I just sit and listen to music for a couple/few hours. Music is really a part of me, even if I don’t play an instrument.  Even when I’m depressed I sometimes listen to music so I can zone out and forget about how I’m feeling. Isn’t it wonderful to have something so simple be so helpful?

Well off to listen to some tunes, hope you have a wonderful day.

 

 

My Damn Brain

I felt it coming last night, it was lurking in the background of my mind. When I woke up this morning I was super depressed. I feel like crawling back into bed and just staying there. It feels like I’ve never been happy.  I know it was okay just a day ago but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

I don’t even feel like posting my blog, but I made a promise and I don’t break my word, ever.

So here’s my post, I’m going to crawl under a blanket and watch Golden Girls.

See ya later.

As an edit, I had a nap and woke up feeling slightly better. I don’t know why but I’m grateful, I was stuck in a horrible place feeling like I couldn’t get out.

 

It’s Super Weird

It’s so weird waking up multiple days in a row and feeling ok. I’m happy with okay, it’s better than depression any day.

Today I woke up listened to my favorite song (it’s not my time by 3 doors down) and thought about how much I love animals. This Christmas I donated to both the ASPCA and the Nebraska Humane Society.  I’d like to do more but we’re not rich. If I was though I would be helping a lot more animals protection agencies. So I lay in bed daydreaming about animals being safe from the cruelty of the world. It made me feel good that I have helped some. I would love to adopt another dog if they allowed us to own 3 in our county.  I love my two fur babies so much!

It was my moms birthday today and I had a long conversation with her where I actually talked some instead of just say yeah, mm yeah.. Which is what I tend to do when I am depressed. That makes me feel well, happy I suppose would be the word. Though I hate to jinx myself.

Anyhow that’s what I have to say for today.

A Better Day

Today I woke up on the almost right side of the bed. I wanted to engage in activities and didn’t nap. I had a wonderful conversation with my husband and was able to participate instead of just yeahing when he said something. Like I said a better day. I hope that my brain continues to go into that direction.

Sadly I can’t think of a thing to write about though. My brain is drawing a blank. Don’t you hate that?

I’ll write more later if something pops in my head.