Well last night about 4am I woke up with almost a migraine headache. Then my nose was running this morning. I think I am getting a head cold. No chills or fevers so not worried about the flu. I can deal with a head cold and if the head ache is because of the withdrawal I can deal with that too. I do have some body aches but they are slight.
My mood today was good but I was super tired I slept until 1:30pm then went back to have a nap at 4:00pm I was just so tired. I still feel tired. Course getting woken up before 8 in the morning every day is super new for me and is going to take some adjusting. Honestly so far I am not seeing a difference without the rexulti. That may prove to be different, we’ll see.
I was told Havanese were really barky. It’s damn true. She barks and barks and barks, and right now it’s this high pitched thing which sometimes sounds like someone is testing the fire alarm. I knew what I was getting into. Right now because I am not downstairs she is barking for me to come back. I’m secretly happy as that means she is attached to me and I really wanted one of the dogs to be like that. I could do without the barking though.
Not much else to say other than I won’t be writing my blog stoned again, or at least not as stoned as I was because it really took me forever to write a damn blog post.
Today my mood was pretty good. Nothing got me down. My husband even had to work late and I was totally chill about it.
Today the puppy was awesome and would told to go potty, she runs to the peepads and goes, like on command. It’s nice because I know she won’t (hopefully) pee on the comforter again.
Sorry I’m too stoned to write, it’s taken me forever to write this. This was not my intention, I thought that Iwould be able to write better but clearly not, eep. \_O_/
The Rexulti withdrawal was fine today on the first day of going down to 1mgs.
Today is the last day I will be taking the 2mg of Rexulti, tomorrow I start on the 1mg. I’ve had that almost headache feeling still but no more anxiety than normal. Nothing I can’t handle honestly. I mean I don’t really get all that anxious anymore unless I have to leave the house. Which is something I need to work on, but like I said the whole flu thing is keeping me inside and away from people for now. I really don’t want it.
In a few days I will have weed in the house again, I’m looking forward to that nice mellow buzz and am hoping it won’t change the way my antidepressants are working. I don’t have a choice of what kind to get as pickings are slim. I’m going to try and not be stoned every single day though. I think that will make a huge difference. I need to be alert to look after the puppy.
Speaking of the puppy, have I mentioned how thrilled I am that she is pad trained already. It’s been too cold outside for a little 3 pound pup. She has left some bruises on me with her teething though, thankfully she is getting less nippy.
Well that’s it for today, back to Criminal Minds.
Today I woke up to a world covered in snow, hell it’s still snowing. It might make it so that I can’t make it to my shrinks tomorrow and I’m out of rexulti. Do you ever just know things aren’t going to work out? I’m feeling slightly pessimistic right now. The drugstore called me and I have no idea why and of course I didn’t get the message until after they were closed so now I have to wait for that until tomorrow.
On the Dani front, the pup seems to be feeling much better now that she has a couple days worth of antibiotics in her. She’s still coughing but she is running around and having a blast. The other two dogs are still getting used to her, Lilly our littlest is being a super bitch to her, she actually bit at her face and pulled out some fur. We’ll be taking the puppy with us when we go out so as not to leave them alone. I honestly thought she would love the puppy the most since Charlie never plays with her and she is only a couple years old, still a puppy herself. I think she is jealous at this point and I know it will pass.
On the mood front, I had an ok day, not a great mood and not a lot of sleep because who knew it would be so difficult sleeping with 3 dogs in a king sized bed. We’ll work it out though. Trying to stay on the positive side of things is definitely difficult to say the least. Kind of looking forward to when I can smoke weed again. Just something to look forward to I guess.
Well that’s it for today. Least I’m blogging.
Ok the puppy is starting to feel better in her lungs thanks to some antibiotics but now her poor tushy is giving her problem which I assume is from the antibiotics, I know it does it to people. The poor little thing we’re trying to get her over 3 pounds so she doesn’t go hypoglycemic but with all these problems it’s going to take a bit. Today she was coughing less and actually playing, she has been sleeping for the past 3 days so you can understand why that’s good.
My mood is still pretty good though I’m feeling sorry for the little fur baby. I’m nervous about seeing my shrink because of the rexulti, but I am going to deal.
I haven’t smoked any weed since Christmas day so I don’t know if that is a factor or not, we’ll see in February when I start smoking again. If it turns out to have a negative impact on my antidepressants thanI will just not smoke anymore. At least not as often. Maybe once in a blue moon. We’ll see.
My diet still hasn’t taken off, with the new puppy and the sink being full of dishes I haven’t managed to get any cooking done, so we’ve had a lot of pizza and hamburgers. The sink is a battle between my husband and myself. We’ll see who loses. lol.
Well that’s it for today, see ya tomorrow.
The new insurance company is giving us a hassle about the Rexulti I take and to pay for it out of pocket would be 900 dollars a month. This mixture of meds that my doc has me on is finally working, I don’t want to have to change it. I’m so pissed off right now. I’m down to 3 pills and I’m waiting for my shrink to get back to me about samples or getting the meds approved. I hate waiting and especially when things are this close to being out. I don’t know what the withdrawal symptoms will be but I know just going off a med it a bad idea. We’ve all done it.
Other than that stress my mood is pretty good. I haven’t been smoking any weed and just living each day. I haven’t quit I just wanted to make sure that I am getting the most of of my medications. In Feb I’ll start smoking again and see if that effects how my mood is. If it turns out to be a bad thing I’ll just quit. I mean I managed to make it through the holidays without weed or alcohol so I imagine I can do anything if I put my mind to it. Though there is nothing like smoking some weed putting on the headphones and just chilling. I tried it without the weed and it was still good but I enjoy it more with.
Anyhow that’s it for today!
I’m just sitting here listening to music, you know making myself feel good. Ya good. Isn’t that something? I even had a good dream last night and I never get those!
Maybe these meds are making more of a difference than I thought. Well it’s hard to tell from having one good day. I’m putting the eggs before the chicken but it will hopefully turn out to be a full day.
So I figured why not come on and post. I need to get my post count up it’s been appalling of late and hopefully it will make someone else feel good or hopeful. Who knows right? I don’t know what you who read my blog really get from it but I’m glad you read it.
For those curious about if I’ve given up the weed, I haven’t but it isn’t affecting anything that I see at present anyhow.
I think I’ll post! Sorry it has been a while but I have been seriously so depressed I was happy if I showered once every two weeks! I’ve had no motivation. Honestly I say it is partially genuine feelings and this new weed I got. Both make me want to do more.
I did go to Applebee’s during a slow time for lunch last week. Slowly getting at doing more.
I’ve been playing my computer games but still haven’t painted. I can feel it coming though the painting will happen sometime I just have to patiently wait for my brain to allow it.
My anxiety has sucked a lot lately. My brain just always goes to a negative place for every single thought that I have. I don’t know what to do about it except give my head a shake and go on to the next thought and hope it is better.
Anyhow nothing really has happened besides the Applebee’s thing. My life is not real exciting right now. My days are spent stoned and dozing in the recliner listening to music. It makes me feel relaxed and shuts that voice up for a little while. So I always end up doing it every day. Though the night before I always claim will be a weed free day but it doesn’t end up that way. oh well.
This and the last post are closer than I’ve been in a long while. The wellbutrin has me motivated I suppose. I’m not unhappy. Still terrified of everything. It seems like all I can do is think of the worst scenario for anything. My brain never goes to the positive side.
I did walk to the mail box by myself today though. So that’s a huge accomplishment, specially when I have the flu. I did think a lot of negative things on the way there. Often times if keeps me from going though and this time it did not. This gives me some hope for myself and freedom from this prison I’ve created for myself. Tonight’s also the first time I’ve been high in a week. Which was a choice not because I ran out! I’m getting better at being recreational.
Anyhow I think that’s all I wanted to say.
Today I walked round our block catching Pokemon and talking with my husband. I also went to Walmart and did grocery shopping. I haven’t felt like writing or really doing anything at all so there have been no real accomplishments except going on living.
Today I am just sitting back relaxing listening to tunes and smoking green.
The depression has been weighing on me quite a bit lately. I really think I need to set an alarm for blogging again. Ya I think I will, if I remember.. hehe.
I hope to be returning back to writing daily soon.