today has gone pretty good. No head aches. I have some body aches but I think it is from sitting cross-legged all the time. My hubby is watching the puppy while I write my blog post.
Nothing exciting has happened. The puppy is doing good. The withdrawal is going good and life is good.
I find it harder to write when I am happy.
Well last night about 4am I woke up with almost a migraine headache. Then my nose was running this morning. I think I am getting a head cold. No chills or fevers so not worried about the flu. I can deal with a head cold and if the head ache is because of the withdrawal I can deal with that too. I do have some body aches but they are slight.
My mood today was good but I was super tired I slept until 1:30pm then went back to have a nap at 4:00pm I was just so tired. I still feel tired. Course getting woken up before 8 in the morning every day is super new for me and is going to take some adjusting. Honestly so far I am not seeing a difference without the rexulti. That may prove to be different, we’ll see.
I was told Havanese were really barky. It’s damn true. She barks and barks and barks, and right now it’s this high pitched thing which sometimes sounds like someone is testing the fire alarm. I knew what I was getting into. Right now because I am not downstairs she is barking for me to come back. I’m secretly happy as that means she is attached to me and I really wanted one of the dogs to be like that. I could do without the barking though.
Not much else to say other than I won’t be writing my blog stoned again, or at least not as stoned as I was because it really took me forever to write a damn blog post.
It’s so weird waking up multiple days in a row and feeling ok. I’m happy with okay, it’s better than depression any day.
Today I woke up listened to my favorite song (it’s not my time by 3 doors down) and thought about how much I love animals. This Christmas I donated to both the ASPCA and the Nebraska Humane Society. I’d like to do more but we’re not rich. If I was though I would be helping a lot more animals protection agencies. So I lay in bed daydreaming about animals being safe from the cruelty of the world. It made me feel good that I have helped some. I would love to adopt another dog if they allowed us to own 3 in our county. I love my two fur babies so much!
It was my moms birthday today and I had a long conversation with her where I actually talked some instead of just say yeah, mm yeah.. Which is what I tend to do when I am depressed. That makes me feel well, happy I suppose would be the word. Though I hate to jinx myself.
Anyhow that’s what I have to say for today.
I’m just sitting here listening to music, you know making myself feel good. Ya good. Isn’t that something? I even had a good dream last night and I never get those!
Maybe these meds are making more of a difference than I thought. Well it’s hard to tell from having one good day. I’m putting the eggs before the chicken but it will hopefully turn out to be a full day.
So I figured why not come on and post. I need to get my post count up it’s been appalling of late and hopefully it will make someone else feel good or hopeful. Who knows right? I don’t know what you who read my blog really get from it but I’m glad you read it.
For those curious about if I’ve given up the weed, I haven’t but it isn’t affecting anything that I see at present anyhow.
Yesterday I had a wonderful day. I was happy! Yep that’s right HAPPY!. I forgot what that felt like.
Today I had a hard time getting out of bed though. I lay there for 3 hours just riddled with anxiety over nothing.
I think this new med is helping. I think I’m gonna need more meds. I don’t think the rexulti is going to do it all on it’s own. They even advertise it as something to help with antidepressants. So I wonder what my shrink will try to do.
Still feeling hopeful though.
I was so excited yesterday that I went for a walk through the schramm park. I’d finally have something to write a blog post about. Than I forgot to post at all.
Today I have been doing some painting. There is some great music playing and there is a noticeable mood level. I felt happy today. Happy! I haven’t felt that in a very long time. I hope that means this is the drug for me.
Harder not to feel hopeful.
having a wonderful day hanging out with my SIL, it’s wonderful and I don’t want to interrupt it so sorry this blog will be la suck for today.
Gotta grab the joy!
When I woke up this morning I figured it would be an ordinary day. However when I woke my husband was home, that’s always nice even when he is sick cause I love to see him.
My SIL came by at lunchtime and asked if I wanted to go out and explore. We went to a neat church and drove to a cute bar and had a beer by the platte river. It was really relaxing.
BTW I didn’t give up the weed either..but that’s a story for another day.
Today I have been having feelings, like a range of them. I wouldn’t think much about it except that I have been only really feeling two the last several months. Sad mostly, with a touch of happy here or there. I guess three if you count terror as an emotion.
None of these feelings were out of place. I was hurt because of something someone did. I cried because of a sad story that I read. I got angry because I felt betrayed a little. I also got happy because I listened to some music. It is all rather nice. It’s better than I’ve felt in a while. I’ll take it one day at a time.
I decided not to go to my doctors. I’m going to see if my shrinks advice, meds and help work to fix my issues first. I promised hubby if things didn’t improve in a month I would go to the doctors though. I’m hoping I don’t have to.
I think I am going to try and get back to my happy place and put on some music and play some World of Warcraft.
Yesterday I went to my therapists and I found myself struggling to find something to actually talk about. I know as bipolars talk therapy is beneficial and will have us with our recovery. Bah recovery seems like the wrong word. We don’t ever truly get better it’s more like parts of us go into remission if we are lucky.
I find when I am in a good place none of the bad stuff really stands out. The same goes for when I am in a bad place, none of the good really stands out. Should I try for therapy when I am only in a bad place. I think that would be very difficult, considering I can’t even get in to see her again until late May.
I’ve been enjoying life more lately. Keeping my house sparkling clean, cooking meals every night, doing laundry and dishes as they need to be done instead of letting them build up. I’m playing games on the computer with my husband again and it feels really good. I’m also trying to get in at least a mile every single day and am losing weight.
I know the depression is going to come again but I’m trying to avoid thinking about that and just stay in the moment.