It’s so weird waking up multiple days in a row and feeling ok. I’m happy with okay, it’s better than depression any day.
Today I woke up listened to my favorite song (it’s not my time by 3 doors down) and thought about how much I love animals. This Christmas I donated to both the ASPCA and the Nebraska Humane Society. I’d like to do more but we’re not rich. If I was though I would be helping a lot more animals protection agencies. So I lay in bed daydreaming about animals being safe from the cruelty of the world. It made me feel good that I have helped some. I would love to adopt another dog if they allowed us to own 3 in our county. I love my two fur babies so much!
It was my moms birthday today and I had a long conversation with her where I actually talked some instead of just say yeah, mm yeah.. Which is what I tend to do when I am depressed. That makes me feel well, happy I suppose would be the word. Though I hate to jinx myself.
Anyhow that’s what I have to say for today.
Just a little interaction helps improve my mood. Also my little friend came with that interaction so I am much more relaxed than I have been in days.
I’m still trying to figure out what to do about making a difference but I’ll figure it out. I think that I might just give up meat for starters. I know it would require some serious discipline but I think I can do it. I just can’t stand it anymore.
I do have a new art project I thought of that I think might turn out interesting, if I like it I’ll post a picture of it. Today I’m painting though. I’m trying to paint a flower. Not realistic or anything just something that I like. It’s going OK so far.
Wanted to do my blog before my alarm today, it always makes me go ugh even if I end up enjoying the writing.
I’m tired of things being the way they are. I read stories all day about people and animals that need help or have been helped and I want to be one of those people that do that. I have no idea where to start since going out isn’t really something I am good at yet. It’s eating me up though. I just have such a strong yearning to help.
I would gladly take suggestions for things I can do from my home. Anyone have any idea’s?
I have the most wonderful husband. We’ve been together for over 15 years. He is gentle and kind and supportive. I get many hugs from him every single day. (unless he travels)I’m super fortunate to have such a good man. Even when I am depressed and on the edge of wanting to kill myself he can still manage to pull laughter from me.He’s a giant teddy bear. He’s what keeps me going. I just wanted to say how much I love him and like him. He’s my best friend and he puts up with my shit.
Today he found a dying baby bird in the parking lot at work and instead of walking by it like everyone else was he got a paper towel so he could put the poor little thing back in the nest. He is such a good tender hearted person. I’m not sure what I did to deserve him but I am never letting him go.
I think I’ll go get a hug now.
I have two dogs, a 13 pounds Maltese mix and a 4,5 pound Yorkie. I love them with every fiber of my being.
I hate hearing about people harming animals, it hurts my heart and makes me want to take even more animals in. I won’t cause of my depression and the two doggies I have now are enough work.
The reason I’m talking about this is because I have been watching videos and reading stories all day about animal rescues and various other animal related stuff mostly it was super cuteness. I like to read about rescues. Not because I enjoy hearing the horrible things people do, but because I love to see the wonderful things people do. There are really two kinds of people. You are either good or you are not. I’m not talking on a heaven or hell level. I’m just talking about how you treat and respect people and animals. You are either good or bad. I don’t see grey. Good people can do bad things, it happens. We’re all so human. I would be happy as hell if some kind of UFO came and sucked up all the assholes though!
Today I have been twitchy. I am having a hard time sitting still but I’m also finding it hard to find something to do. Today I have cried, laughed, smiled, ranted and faced some of people social anxiety by sitting on my porch while there are a ton of construction workers building a house next door. It was difficult. I would like to be able to do one thing I am afraid of once a day. I need to get out of my rut.
Today I am angry. I woke up and felt so anxious that I screamed at the top of my lungs scaring the shit out of my poor dogs. It helped a little I suppose.
Most of the day has just been spent on the web trying to find things that might make me smile or laugh.
I love animal pictures and stories. You know the happy ones. Of course I came across some sad ones that were also happy, you know like a dog getting abandoned and then getting rescued by some kind souls.
I almost hate people who hurt animals. They fucking love us with everything, we should treat them as good as they were our own children. The fact that people can be like that just makes me wonder if the world wouldn’t be better if all the humans were gone.
I’m angry that my mind has so much control over me. I mean I know it controls everything but I’m talking about those voices that constantly talk in our heads. I’d like my brain to give me an atta girl once in a while, would be nice.
I plan on being 2 more days without weed. It has made no difference other than I can’t eat as much and since I am losing weight I would like to keep going. I am over 50 pounds down now. I guess that is an accomplishment. Would be much better if I could stop hating myself.