I missed a blog cause I was stoned. I said I’ll remember than I didn’t.
Tonight I am playing with hubby before I smoke some weed cause it does make me a little dippy. I admit it. I mean that’s why there was no blog yesterday right? So we’re playing World of Warcraft, doing some raiding. I haven’t done that in a long time but I am feeling better. So the month without weed proved nothing other than I should maybe be smoking some weed. I’ve been in a decent mood the last few days and Weds night was awesome. Completely laughing my ass off till I cried awesome.
Tonight I’m just gonna chill and Netflix, HA! I’m gonna try and watch one of those shows hubby likes so much, so that I can join him for the second season. We’ll see if it’s something I will enjoy.
Today I am moody but I’m getting me some weed so I’ll be happier in a few hours. I think I’ll feel a lot better, a lot more relaxed and able to get into some music or TV. Right now I’m not in the mood to do anything, not even write my blog. So ya I think I’m done for the day.
Not sure where it comes from but it is certainly here. I guess I’m only allowed an OK day once in a while. Today I’ve cried over the world, the loss of my dog Ren and a few music videos that show what a sad state the world is in. I’m so sad about everything.
I suppose I should be glad that I just am feeling.
I gotta admit though I am looking forward to getting my weed back. I believe it’s been over a month or close to a month now. I’m going to be very high the day I get my weed. Very high.
Today I woke up and I was feeling OK. Not great, not even good really, just OK.
Right now I have a headache from hell though so I’m not going to write very much.
Maybe the mood means I’m coming back around, not going to hold my breath though. Last time I thought that it didn’t happen. Maybe it’s never going to happen again.. I don’t know I’m feeling kind of negative about the whole positive thing. Weird I know.
Damn my head hurts.
Today actually turned out alright. I wasn’t super happy but I was able to enjoy watching some football and playing some WoW with my hubby.
When I woke up it felt like it was going to be like every other day but I guess I can have an OK day. Okay is better than down by a long shot right? Maybe tomorrow will be OK too, who knows. I’ll take anything but that damned depression.
Today I woke up depressed as usual. Hubby decided to put New Girl on Netflix and we watched several episodes and while I wasn’t laughing like him, I felt things lighten a little. Then I got hungry and he went out and picked me up something to eat. He really is a dear even though he can piss me off like no one else. Speaking of which when he came home he did something that pissed me off. I couldn’t let go of it and right now the pissed off feeling still lingers.
Thing is it was something stupid and trivial. I know I should just let it go but my body really loves to hold on the that anger. Or is it the brain? Probably both. I know I’ll calm down eventually but for now I am just pissed that I almost felt good and it’s gone now. FUCK!
Went and got my hopes up again yesterday. I woke up feeling just as crappy today as I have every other day but with less stress. I should feel happy about that at least but nope. I’m fucking miserable.
M I S E R A B L E
I Did it!!!! I made it through both days without anything horrible happening. I’m so glad that is over with. I even went out to lunch with hubby after like a normal person. I will finally be able to relax and not have to worry about anything for a while. They even updated my permanent resident card so I have a valid ID until my new one comes in.
I’m very thankful right now. For the people in my life. The wonderful readers who read my blog and just for being generally healthy.
It’s a nice change from sad and angry and stressed. I think that I will just enjoy the rest of the day without worrying about anything else.
I made it through the first day. We had our meeting and signed some papers and I even went out for lunch afterwards. It wasn’t as big a deal as my brain made it at all. Does that mean that I am any less freaked out about tomorrow? Nope! My brain just doesn’t work that way.
I am gonna sleep for a week when this is all done. I had to nap today after two nights of crappy sleep and I fully expect that I won’t sleep well tonight either. I’m sore from being tense all the time.
Not sure on my mood, I honestly had two xanax and a clonezapam for breakfast so I’m feeling pretty mellow. Whatcha gonna do.
I didn’t sleep very well last night, I wasn’t able to get past REM before I would be woken up by something or somebody. Then all today I had bottom issues. The stress of tomorrow and Thursday is really playing havoc on my body.
I’m so fucking stressed I seldom have a moment where I can relax.
I hate things that you HAVE TO DO!
I had forgotten just how bad my anxiety could get until this past week. At least it is keeping my mind off the depression which is still rearing it’s ugly head.