I didn’t want to write my blog today, it’s been a day of lounging around napping and trying to make the time go faster so I’m not alone.
Yet here I am writing the blog, because hubby reminded me and then reminded me I would likely be unhappy if I didn’t.
Today was hard to tell where my mood level was. Not up though.
Yesterday I had a wonderful day. I was happy! Yep that’s right HAPPY!. I forgot what that felt like.
Today I had a hard time getting out of bed though. I lay there for 3 hours just riddled with anxiety over nothing.
I think this new med is helping. I think I’m gonna need more meds. I don’t think the rexulti is going to do it all on it’s own. They even advertise it as something to help with antidepressants. So I wonder what my shrink will try to do.
Still feeling hopeful though.
Tonight I went over to my mother in laws and had Thanksgiving dinner. It was lovely and the food was delish. I was drunk before we ate. The wine just slid down my throat so easily, you know how that can be when you are anxious.
My niece hugged me tonight and it made me feel wonderful.
It was a good day all in all. There was some Skip-bo. I’m not sure if that is the correct spelling of it, but it was fun. I didn’t win and I didn’t care. It was just chill.
Mom in law sent us home with food stuffs and a couple of bottles of wine. I know what I’m doing tomorrow. I’ll be out of weed again.
Should I get more or just give my brain some time to figure out the new med, let me know your opinion.
My husband reminded me that I had to do my blog. He shut off my alarm, I was apparently too engrossed in my samples to even hear it. It’s annoying and I don’t blame him and besides that I’m here right? lol.
My mood has been kind of mehish with a little happy thrown in here and there.
In a couple days I will be out of weed and I’ll not get any for a while to see if it makes any difference as well. I think it will be interesting to know since scientists aren’t allowed to do experiments with it right?
I showered… thank god that’s over because I smelled like weed. I started to notice it.. ya I needed that.
Today has been pretty uneventful except for the shower.
I was also horny as hell but it passed. This is weird because I haven’t been sexually aroused in quite some time because of the depression. Have I mentioned that I have the best husband ever? I have a man that can put up with the ups and mostly downs lately.
Tonight I’m just stoned and listening to music. I’ve felt kind of sad again today. Again since it is a feeling I should embrace it but I can’t. Emotions scare me.
They make me into other people.
Fuck em.
October was not that great to be honest. I was depressed most of the time and spent many, well every day stoned off my ass.
November I started to feel something different. Not quite full happiness but I was wanting to do somethings and be involved. I laughed often. I was also stoned off my ass every day.
Today I am sad. I have legit reasons to feel sad. I’m lonely. My mom left. You know legit shit like that. I hope the meds are working and this is just normal emotions, I’ve felt numb for so long it is hard to tell what is what.
I have way more reasons I should be happy and yet here I am, not happy. Also feeling guilty about not writing while my mom visited as much. I only get so little time with her though.
I’ve signed up for another year for my blog so I guess I’m going to be here for a awhile.
I hav e been spending time with my mom because she went home today. We spent a lot of time talking and stoned! There was some hilarity and giggles, honestly most of the visit was awesome.
Today is also my 15th wedding anniversary. Woot! It’s been a wonderful day and my husband bought me a beautiful ring.
My mood is definitely better. I think the meds are helping but once again don’t want to get too hopeful. Hope is the doom for me a  lot of the time.
I really appreciate you taking time out of your day to read what is going on with me and sharing how you feel in the comments!
Hugs to all.
After what turned out to be a horrible election night it is again family dinner night.
We are all eating and enjoying one anothers company even though we are all feeling slightly lost right now.
I’m sad but not depressed, that’s something I guess.
Sorry I didn’t post yesterday I was watching the election and praying.. prayer doesn’t really help when evil is so strong though.
I was so excited yesterday that I went for a walk through the schramm park. I’d finally have something to write a blog post about. Than I forgot to post at all.
Today I have been doing some painting. There is some great music playing and there is a noticeable mood level. I felt happy today. Happy! I haven’t felt that in a very long time. I hope that means this is the drug for me.
Harder not to feel hopeful.
I wasn’t going to blog today and I was okay with that for a while. Than out of nowhere I felt guilty about not writing so here I am stoned off my ass writing my blog post for the night. I’m a little late but I haven’t gone to bed so I consider it the same day.
Anyhow my mood was OK today. I had some fun, did some painting. Watched some Netflix. I’m trying really hard not to feel hopeful about a possible upswing but that’s really hard to do.
Right now I’m just relaxing listening to music.
Chillin’
A Bipolars Reality 