I Don’t Know What To Do

I am so sad all the time. Even when I am stoned I still get flits of grief that make themselves through. I don’t know how to deal with any of this. The person I would normally talk to is the one dying.

I’ve worked on her painting, I’ve written her a hand written letter. I’ve cried numerous tears. It hurts so much. What do you do when you are losing the second closest person in your life.

Every time my phone rings I’m terrified that her husband is calling to tell me she has passed. I can’t even begin to imagine how he feels or even how my BFF feels if she is even aware of what is going on. I kind of hope she doesn’t. The dementia may be a bit of a blessing in this case. I don’t know if that is though.

This is going to hurt for a long time.

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