A Little Bit Manic and a Whole Lot Happy.

The negative to being manic is I am getting very little sleep. The good thing is, is that I am happy. So happy, it’s weird. I keep finding myself staring at hubby when he’s not looking and grinning my ass off.

Another good thing is I’m feeling feelings. I’m not super numb like with the depression. Man I hate the depression.. No point in worrying about it till it gets here though.

A Little bit Manic

I’m a little manic. Not in the crazy way but in I want to do something but can’t focus on one thing. So I’m blogging for starters.

Yesterday I painted a couple paintings. Eventually I’ll upload them so you can see what I do.

Several weeks ago someone asked me to appear on their podcast and I’m still thinking about it. I’m so flattered. The last podcast I did was when I was still doing phonesex for a job. So it would be nice to do it for something else.

I really do want to start posting on my blog more frequently but for some reason I’ve had severe writers block. I’m thinking that since I have gone off the wellbutrin things will be better. You know writing, sex, painting… All good things. Wish me luck!

Painting

I’ve been painting a lot lately. It makes me feel good for the most part. I do judge myself probably harsher than other people would for sure though.

I just went off wellbutrin cold turkey and the headaches are terrible. I didn’t really have a choice in the beginning as my shrink didn’t fill out my pills for 5 days. Emotionally I am not feeling so blocked though which is nice. I am also more sexually aroused than I have been in like a year. So the good outweighs the bad.

Holiday Blues

Does anyone else get the holiday blues? Every year no matter how good life is going I get sad. Not depressed. SAD!

I miss my family a lot as I haven’t seen most of them for close to 20 years and they never talk to me unless I start the conversations, calls or text. This year I won’t even be spending any time with my in-laws who I really love. So maybe that is what’s bringing me down.

What makes you sad around the holidays if you do get the same way.

Insomnia

I don’t ever sleep the full night through. I’ve been having a lot of nightmares about the past. You think you are over something and yet there it is poking it’s heads out. I’m in this vicious sleep cycle. Bed at 1am, wake up between 2:00 and 5:00 am. Go back to bed at 8:00 am and then sleep until 11:30am or noon. Don’t get me wrong I love sleep because usually I have full control of my dreams but lately it has just been terrible.

My mood has been pretty good. However I am pretty lonely. Hubby works from home but he works really hard and is on the phone most of the day so we can’t hang. I was having painting nights with my sis-in-law but then my niece got covid. So we of course have been avoiding each other. The rest of my family is in Canada so there’s no visiting there. I haven’t seen anyone but my mom and half sisters since I moved down here and that was almost 3 years ago now.

Having social anxiety doesn’t help much. I avoid most people like the plague. I want to get to know my neighbors better because everyone is so nice here. Yet I keep holing back because they are all very outgoing. We put a patio and firepit in the backyard so we could invite them over, then winter hit. We’ll try again next summer I suppose.

Anyhow that’s all for tonight. Hopefully I’ll get back into the practice of writing every day.

Thanksgiving

Usually Thanksgiving is a super stressful day. Going out in the car to go to my mother in laws place and be surrounded by family. With covid I had a nice quiet thanksgiving and cooked the whole meal myself. I enjoyed it and there was no stress. Usually hubby and I just order our meals out so it was fun to cook with him. It made me realize we need to do it more often.

I hope that everyone enjoyed there Thanksgiving without to much stress.

Figuring the new WordPress out

I am trying to figure out how to post, it’s kind of weird and confusing right now. Nothing like wanting to write and not being able to. 

If I get this figuring out I’ll definitely post more often. 

I’m back

I had a very very long depressive episode. Yes it lasted years. I went through many different meds and honestly thought that I would never be able to do anything again.

I’m now on some new meds which I will list for you at a post sometime in the future, but I am happy. Still housebound which I guess since I am in a pandemic is okay.

It’s weird being happy. I honestly don’t know what to do with it. I do have bad days and weeks still but they are no where near the levels they were before.

I am also having a lot of problems with sleep which I will also discuss in another post.

It’s nice to be back!

Day 9

today has gone pretty good. No head aches. I have some body aches but I think it is from sitting cross-legged all the time. My hubby is watching the puppy while I write my blog post.

Nothing exciting has happened. The puppy is doing good. The withdrawal is going good and life is good.

I find it harder to write when I am happy.

 

Day 8

My mood has been good except for sleeping in really late again. I almost forgot to write my blog tonight it was the complete last thing on my minds then poof it popped in.

The puppies good.

The withdrawal so far has been easy.