Last night I sat watching people I love being around having a really great time but I felt like I was on the outside and just showing a mask to everyone. It was weird.

Tonight I’m just tired of this depression. Every day I hope I get better and every day I don’t. It’s a lot to take.

It’s very hard to entertain when all you want to do is be in bed.

I am also noticing that I am not enjoying being high as much as I was before. I’ll have to do some research on this.

I’ll let you know whatever I figure out.


So Stressed

It feels like I never am not anxious anymore even taking my 3 mg of xanax a day.

Tonight everyone is here for family dinner night and we are having what you should consider a nice visit but man I am thrumming.

I’m glad I’ll be able to get high tonight and finally not be able to focus!

Anyhow back to the family.

A Boring Day

Today when I woke up my direct TV wasn’t working so I had no TV. I was not in the mood for anything that I had that could be streamed so I spent most of my day on Facebook and listening to Pandora on my iPad.

I went for a walk around the block even though I feel like shit and caught two new pokemon.

Other than that it was a boring day. How I dread getting out of bed on depressive days. Which honestly seem to be every single day right now.


Lots O Things

Today is the birthday of my BFF. She’s been dead for over a year so when her birthday comes up it hurts a lot. I miss her so much. She really knew how to motivate me.

MY visit with my mom is going OK even though I feel like I am coming down with a cold or something.

Saturday we are having a paint and wine night. That should be fun🙂

Still taking my new meds even though the insurance company denied my prescription I will have to rely on samples I guess until we switch insurance companies at the top of the year.

Well that’s it, nothing exciting.

Forgot to mention I am non-stop anxious. Fun fun.


In A Bad Mood

Yesterday I started my new meds. Needless to say I’m depressed still. Don’t expect much, Ran out of weed.

It’s gonna be a rough couple of days.

Might be a good thing, might not. We’ll see.

I don’t have much to entertain my mom.



So my mom is here for a month so my blogging may be messed up.

I decided that I couldn’t go to Colorado, it’s just too much stress.

I made dinner last night and tonight instead of take out.


Visiting With Mom

My mom came yesterday that is why I didn’t post. Plus I had mom in law and sis in law and some kids over as well.

Tonight we’re going to watch the remake of rocky horror picture show, stoned off our asses.


A Sentence

A sentence is a good start to having something to write. All I have is that sentence though.

I did some laundry yesterday but did nothing today but chill. I figure my mom will keep me busy over the next month after she gets here.

Chilling is OK. Sometimes you just have to smoke and relax and not worry about everything else going on. I’m still depressed really need to start the new meds.



I haven’t started my new pills yet. I am afraid.

I’ll start them eventually. I just need some time to be mostly drug free. Weed doesn’t count.

I’ll start Weds when mom gets here. I’ll be surrounded by a lot of love then.



The pot definitely stops me from writing the way I should. I didn’t even post yesterday and it didn’t even bother me until right now.

My husband is sick. I hope he doesn’t give it to me.

See I got nothing to write.