Day 4

Today I’ve been sluggish and had a bit of a headache. You know one of those ones that are just on the edge of turning into something? I don’t like to take medications so I have just tolerated it. I think it’s the withdrawal from the Rexulti.

The puppy is doing well but really limiting where I can go in my house. She doesn’t want to chill on my lap upstairs so I have to stay downstairs. It’s just too dangerous up here.

My mood is on the edge of pissy, it wasn’t too bad earlier but as the day has gone on it has gotten worse. I think it’s because I feel like a prisoner at the moment. Now I brought this on myself. I wanted another puppy because I was feeling that I had more love to give. I do love Dani to pieces too, I just am missing doing some of my normal stuff. Usually I play some WoW or do some face booking. I’m spending a lot of time watching TV, which I do that too but now is it feeling kind of forced.

Well that’s it for today. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Day 3

Today has been an alright day. I’ve been antsy though, not sure if it is because of the withdrawal or I’m just tired of being home all the time. Could be a little of both. I haven’t really had any anxiety today and other than a few body aches it seems the slow removing of the rexulti is going as planned.

The puppy is having an awesome time, she loves playing with her new sister and brother. Charlie the male doesn’t usually play but he is actually smiling in that doggy way that dogs do. I have some great pics I’ll have to post them if I can get them off my phone.

I even painted my nails today. I’m not usually one to bother with it, I just grow my nails out and leave them au natural but I decided I wanted them to look pretty. Taking care of myself is a good thing, I don’t do it very well but it’s something I really need to do more of.

I can’t think of anything to write though my brain is kind of out of it. Perhaps this again is the rexulti withdrawal.  I sure hope it doesn’t last, having nothing to write is lame.

 

Day 2

I woke up a little pissy but it was because I only slept 2 hours at a time last night concerned the puppy was going to pee on the bed. She is pretty much pad trained but hasn’t learned that the bed is not the place to pee and she has peed on two different comforters, still way better than her sister Lilly who just pees wherever she wants.  I bought this little faux grass thing that sits beside the door and she uses it a lot too. I’m so impressed with how smart she is.

Later in the day my mood improved and so far I am not feeling any side effects from the withdrawal except maybe a little more anxiety. I can handle it though, I’ve had anxiety since I gave birth and that was about 32 years ago.  Have a mentioned I have a gorgeous grandson that is not quite two yet? Anyhow that is off topic. I have always had anxiety attacks about breathing. Which when your nose is plugged from allergies is even worse. Like I said I can handle it though, I am stronger than my anxiety.

Now if I could just get out of the house more but honestly I am terrified of the flu. It’s so bad this year and my immune system is not that great since I am rarely exposed to other people. I’ve been lucky so far and I’d like to keep it that way. So I’ll avoid going out for now. I do have to see my shrink on the 5th of February but what are you going to do right?

Anyhow that’s it for today.

 

Day 1

This is day one of going off the rexulti, well tapering off it. So far so good. I mean I am not expecting any side effects yet anyhow but you never know right?

My mood has been just kind of ok, I don’t think this has anything to do with meds I just think it’s where I am in my cycle. Seems like that’s what I have is cycles. Depressed, Okay, Good, Mad. I don’t get the mad one very often. I really am kind of mellow about everything. When I do get mad it’s for a good reason.

I can’t think of anything to write about today.

The puppy has discovered cords, so now I have to really keep an eye on her. Don’t want her getting electrocuted. I have to admit it’s a little frustrating.  Plus man she can bite. I got bruises all over my hands, arms and even one on my neck. I keep stopping her and handing her a toy but it’s not working yet.

A Poem

Today I am just okay,

Tomorrow’s another day.

Maybe I’ll be glad,

That wouldn’t be half bad!

Ya silly I know, but I felt like I should write something.  Tata.

 

Rexulti

So my shrink only gave me two sample packs of Rexulti which is only enough to last a week, as I take 3mg pills and these are ones and twos, so I am going to just wean myself off it and hope that it doesn’t hurt too bad. The withdrawal sounds like it is going to suck. I just don’t know what else to do, I know the appeal is going to fail or has already failed. I can’t afford 900 bucks a month. Wish I could.  So starting tomorrow I’ll be taking 2mg for 5 days, then 1 mg for 7 days. Then it will be done.

The pup is a handful as she is going none stop now. Constantly running, playing and biting. Damn her little teeth hurt so much, I am trying to train her to only chew on toys but my the bruises on my arms and hands mean I’m not being very successful yet. Little bugger was even pulling on my hair. She’s adorable though and when hubby gets home he gives me a hand with her. That’s how I get a break to write my blog, I could never have her up here where there is a gazillion cords for her to bite through.

My mood today has been kind of down. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and when I realized the doctor hadn’t given me enough rexulti I just got pissy feeling. I hate having to depend on other people because most times I find that you can’t.  I’m hoping tomorrow will be a better day and am looking forward to going to bed very much. Only another 2 hours to go!

Wish me luck!

Just Wow

Today I reached over 500 followers. Thank you to the people who read my blog and get something from it.  That means the world to me.

The puppy is doing even better today, I got little bruises all over though from her rough playing, those little teeth are sharp and she bites and pinches.  I keep giving her toys to chew on, but she likes my fingers and arms so much better it seems.

My mood today has been good. I woke up on the right side of the bed happy but a little tired. I usually sleep until noon each day because it takes me so long to fall asleep at night but the puppy had me up about 9:30am. Gotta make sure she gets her antibiotics.  I did manage to nap today though, as soon as her little head starts bobbing like she is going to pass out I put her down on the floor and let her go potty on the pads then she climbs the stairs up onto the bed.  Here I was talking about my mood and I started talking about Dani again. lol.

I feel hopeful today. Perhaps things will swing back around to being good for a while, I like when that happens. My shrink really has seem to found the right mixture for my depression and as I said I don’t have manic episodes anymore since I had my hysterectomy several years ago. I do miss the hypo-mania though.  It allowed me to get stuff done and right now I am still overwhelmed about the amount of housework that needs to get done. I need to start off small, but it’s hard when I am making sure the little one isn’t chewing through cords and what not. Yes it’s an excuse but a valid one.

Maybe I’ll get hubby to watch her so I can get some stuff done this weekend.  We’ll see.

 

What I Expected

At 9am this morning the shrink called to cancel my appt. Why don’t we get to charge them for letting us know when there are less than 2 hours before an appt. I also called the pharmacy and they just wanted to tell me that my Rexulti still isn’t covered. I know appeals take a while and there is a lot of reason to think they are going to just say no again. Needless to say I’m not hopeful. Luckily my shrink left me a couple weeks of samples to do me until my new appt. Feb 5.

The puppy is doing so much better, it’s like having a small child. I’m exhausted plus I didn’t hardly sleep at all last night because I was worried about traveling on shitty roads. She is playing like crazy but I worry she is getting more attached to my husband than me and I wanted this one for myself. Course he’s gone all day and doesn’t need to admonish her so I’m the mean momma. I did get her pad trained already though which I have to say I’m pretty proud of.

My mood has been okay, it’s hard to be up when you’re exhausted.  I’m trying though. I just feel like I can’t get enough sleep, I had a nap at 6pm, which in hindsight might not have been the smartest thing but I had to lay down, I was starting to doze on the couch and I didn’t want to get my face bitten by a little teething puppy.  Man she has some sharp teeth.

Well this post is all over the place, but you get the gist of it.

Frigging Snow

Today I woke up to a world covered in snow, hell it’s still snowing. It might make it so that I can’t make it to my shrinks tomorrow and I’m out of rexulti.  Do you ever just know things aren’t going to work out? I’m feeling slightly pessimistic right now.  The drugstore called me and I have no idea why and of course I didn’t get the message until after they were closed so now I have to wait for that until tomorrow.

On the Dani front, the pup seems to be feeling much better now that she has a couple days worth of antibiotics in her. She’s still coughing but she is running around and having a blast. The other two dogs are still getting used to her, Lilly our littlest is being a super bitch to her, she actually bit at her face and pulled out some fur. We’ll be taking the puppy with us when we go out so as not to leave them alone. I honestly thought she would love the puppy the most since Charlie never plays with her and she is only a couple years old, still a puppy herself. I think she is jealous at this point and I know it will pass.

On the mood front, I had an ok day, not a great mood and not a lot of sleep because who knew it would be so difficult sleeping with 3 dogs in a king sized bed. We’ll work it out though.  Trying to stay on the positive side of things is definitely difficult to say the least. Kind of looking forward to when I can smoke weed again. Just something to look forward to I guess.

Well that’s it for today. Least I’m blogging.

 

Back On Track

Ok the puppy is starting to feel better in her lungs thanks to some antibiotics but now her poor tushy is giving her problem which I assume is from the antibiotics, I know it does it to people. The poor little thing we’re trying to get her over 3 pounds so she doesn’t go hypoglycemic but with all these problems it’s going to take a bit. Today she was coughing less and actually playing, she has been sleeping for the past 3 days so you can understand why that’s good.

My mood is still pretty good though I’m feeling sorry for the little fur baby.  I’m nervous about seeing my shrink because of the rexulti, but I am going to deal.

I haven’t smoked any weed since Christmas day so I don’t know if that is a factor or not, we’ll see in February when I start smoking again. If it turns out to have a negative impact on my antidepressants thanI will just not smoke anymore. At least not as often.  Maybe once in a blue moon. We’ll see.

My diet still hasn’t taken off, with the new puppy and the sink being full of dishes I haven’t managed to get any cooking done, so we’ve had a lot of pizza and hamburgers.  The sink is a battle between my husband and myself. We’ll see who loses. lol.

Well that’s it for today, see ya tomorrow.

 

Sick Puppy

The new puppy we have has kennel cough so I forgot to write on my blog. She visited the vet today and got some antibiotics, hopefully she’ll be feeling better in the next few days. I need to get back to her but didn’t want to miss another day.

I can’t believe that I forgot to hit publish. Geez another day of missed blog….

My mood has been great except for feeling worried for the new fur baby.

I go and see my shrink on Tuesday so hopefully I’ll know more about the whole Rexulti situation. I really hope the insurance company covers it, we can’t afford 900.00 a month. Things are finally starting to swing into the positivity side, I consider ok a good mood too because it’s not negative.

I’ll be better about the blog tomorrow. sigh.