Positivity Isn’t Always Good

I’ve been trying to be positive for days. I think it might have been a mistake. I was pushing down the negative feelings that I was having. The depression, the anger everything.

Last night I told my mom in law she could come stay with us but the cats would have to stay somewhere else. I’m really allergic to them. I thought that was that. Hours later she said what I thought was, you really wouldnt let the cats move in. To which I said no, the cats make me sick. Apparently I heard her wrong and she had asked, You really wouldn’t let ‘me’ move in with the cats. I inadvertently hurt her feelings. It broke my heart.

I went on a massive manic rant after she went upstairs upset and said horrific things to my husband, accusing him of not standing up for me and saying maybe I should just kill myself and he and his mom could have the house. This rant went on for an hour and it was ugly.

Eventually things calmed down and I couldn’t stop crying. I had hurt someone I loved. I don’t like most people let alone give my love to someone. I panicked not knowing what to do to fix it. I wanted to move out to our own apartment I wanted to run.

Jim told me that I could just send a text to his mom explaining the confusion so I did so this morning. I havent heard from her and she is staying at my sister in-laws for the next 4 nights. A long time to keep things festering. Jim says everything will be fine now. I mean he knows his mom. Yet I still feel heart-broken and have no courage to call her. I am a coward.

3 comments

  1. It is heart-breaking when you lose control and hurt someone. I will keep you, your husband, and your mother-in-law in my thoughts and prayers. Instead of a simple text, which seems an inadequate response, consider a handwritten apology or apologizing over the phone or in person. Good luck!

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  2. It takes a strong person to admit when they are wrong, and a courageous person to want to make things right again.
    You are stronger and more courageous than you feel right now, you will find a way to make things right again.

    Like

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