These moods are driving me crazy. Somehow I am still managing to write. I can’t paint though it’s frustrating. I’m trying to do the daily prompt everyday on my other blog and todays was ‘the kindness of strangers’. I had nothing. I had to make up a fictional story. I’ve gotten kind words but have never really gotten help from a stranger and the words are from people online.
I’ve wracked my brain thinking that maybe I am missing something. There has to be something right? Nope. I can barely think of a time where the people I have known in my life have shown me kindness let alone a stranger. It’s rather depressing. It feels like people have been more apt to hurt me then help me.
I don’t understand why. I think I am a good person. I always try to be kind. Sometimes the bipolar bitch slips through but most of the time I always try to be nice and helpful. I give money to people outside of stores have bought food for people who needed it. Have supported family and friend as much as I could.
This makes me feel sad and lonely and like a piece of shit..
fuck………
P.S I am not discrediting the kindness of the comments from people who have/do read my blog. Thank you it means a great deal to me. I got so caught up in my self pity I didn’t realize how it sounded. I truly appreciate you all.
A Bipolars Reality 
It’s like we are twins at least with our brains. Im a good person, too-with nothing to show for it. Friendless, and feeling like you.
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Like you say, you get kindness of words on here, and that’s something worth hanging onto. No one has to leave a comment. They do so, because they feel your pain and want to help or share.
One thing I must ask is, do you make yourself available to help? With the Bipolar, you can put up an invisible shield around you that tells others to stay away. You can give off an air that all is OK so that offers of kindness don’t come your way. I know that I was/am like this. Even when I was feeling well I wouldn’t let people close. If they asked how I was I’d either ignore it and move straight onto them, or quickly say ‘fine, but how are you?’ I would then focus on their life and identify areas to help. Letting people in to help can make you feel really vulnerable.
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Yes sadly it is true. I have a hard time letting anyone get close to me. I am very much alike I am on here.. too honest and open about everything once I know someone but still just say I’m ok.
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I used to think like that and it turned out it was simply the paranoia at play. And that was resolved by seroquel. I no longer think the world is against me. Change your perception and the your view of the world changes. Just a thought.
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