No More ECT

I thought that it was going to be a big miracle thing. All it had accomplished was making me feel like everything is wrong with the world. Nothing feels right. I did not go Monday and I don’t think I will return to it.

I have a hard enough time feeling at peace in the world. I never feel like I belong anywhere and I was finally starting to feel that way before I decided to go and zap my brain. I didn’t nt to return after the first time but I allowed people to make me feel bad about the choice of stopping instead of being true to myself.

I’m ok with this choice. I am going to go see my therapist and shrink on Friday and see what I can do medicinally. I’m open to a lot more things now. I’ve haven’t been doing my blogs like I should and that makes me sad. I don’t want to miss out on my writing or my support. I need that more than anything else.

4 comments

  1. Quick fixes are rare and I’m sorry you had to find out the hard way. If I made you feel bad about wanting to stop, that was never my intention, but I’m not here to blow smoke up your ass and tell you that all your decisions are perfect.

    I’ll play devil’s advocate when I need to, just to force you to think of situations from other angles. For instance, you were seriously depressed, feeling out of place and sleeping all the time before the brain zaps. Don’t sugar coat the past to justify the present.

    I’m glad to hear you’re going back to your therapist. I know it really helped me and I hope you’re able to find the same measure of peace.

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  2. I’ve been doing acupuncture. Along with psychotherapy and medication. It’s worked wonders as a supplement. I feel ready enough to start a relaxation yoga class next month.

    I’ve been reading about reflexology as well. So I might try that.

    Good luck, and know that ECT isn’t going anywhere. You can always choose again later.

    Like

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