On The Precipice

I feel like I am standing on a precipice. Just hanging on the edge with a couple of fingers wrapped around the root of happiness trying to hold on for just a few more days or even hours.

I’m right on the edge of being angry, happy and anxiously sad. I hate the way this feels. I had honestly thought the up would last so much longer. It seems like every time I cycle the happy lasts for a shorter and shorter amounts of time.

I was putting the dishes away and I like to wash all my chefs knives in the dishwasher. One of the knives grazed my wrist I was placing the rack and I realized I wouldn’t be incredibly sad if it had sliced me open. I won’t tell my husband that though. He worries enough about me as it is and it wasn’t like I was considering killing myself I just didn’t care if it happened.



      1. You know, I used to be the same way? As in, “How does knowing someone else is suffering what I’m suffering make me feel any better? I just feel crap on their behalf as well as my own!” But since becoming so very unwell, I’ve come to appreciate it. Oddly enough, it is comforting.
        Thinking of you. Hope today (or tomorrow, depending on where you live in the world) is a better day.


  1. Mixed episodes are the most confusing. I had my first one last Summer when I thought I never would. But on the bright side, it’s no where near as bad as depression.


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