I’m doing better in the sense that I am starting to clean the house a bit and showered today.
Went to the shrinks and she added 150 mg of Wellbutrin for motivation and increased my dosage of Rexulti to 3 mg. Hopefully it will make a difference. I mean I can already see that it is making a difference again because I am feeling things, good, bad, happy, sad the full gambit, though I haven’t really gotten angry at anyone just frustrated. So that’s something, though I would like to feel more of the positive side of the emotions though honestly. Tired of being sad all the time you know? Putting on a happy face so the people around you can’t tell just how shitty you are feeling.
The good thing is it looks I might be frozen in my house for the next couple of days with hubby, so at least this week I will have less time alone.
I’m starting to play Rift again, though I am slightly lost on where to start and how to use my shit, I’ll figure it out though.
I’m kind of grumpy though I am not letting hubby know that I am feeling that way because I don’t want him to feel guilty about going on his trip. This will be the longest time we’ve been apart since we’ve been together in the states. The bed will be cold and lonely.
Today I’ve just been sitting around him a lot and hugging the hell out of him whenever I can!
Other than that I am just not a happy camper, but I am trying to enjoy our last night together. So I won’t be writing here any longer today.
Today I have been having feelings, like a range of them. I wouldn’t think much about it except that I have been only really feeling two the last several months. Sad mostly, with a touch of happy here or there. I guess three if you count terror as an emotion.
None of these feelings were out of place. I was hurt because of something someone did. I cried because of a sad story that I read. I got angry because I felt betrayed a little. I also got happy because I listened to some music. It is all rather nice. It’s better than I’ve felt in a while. I’ll take it one day at a time.
I decided not to go to my doctors. I’m going to see if my shrinks advice, meds and help work to fix my issues first. I promised hubby if things didn’t improve in a month I would go to the doctors though. I’m hoping I don’t have to.
I think I am going to try and get back to my happy place and put on some music and play some World of Warcraft.
Every Monday I have my sister in law, mother in law and a friend of the family all over for taco night. We play some games, eat some tacos and have a generally good time.
I’m glad I am doing it today because I am feeling really lonely.
I remember my best friend saying I could contact her whenever I was feeling lonely. Yet she’s gone and I’m here and I’m lonely.
It seems to be even harder after a good weekend with my husband. I’m glad I chose Mondays for this.
I didn’t write all weekend cause I was having a good time with hubby enjoying life. We walked and talked and hung out.
As you know I had my father in law in town. He stayed with us for nine damn days! My husband had to work so I was stuck with him for each and every one of them, except weekends. It was difficult because it made my home feel weird. Plus hubby and me got little to no time alone.
This past weekend we had even more family time with a nephews birthday and Easter. It was all so over stimulating, I just want to curl up in bed today. I haven’t though, I still got up and did some housework and ate.
My mood managed to stay ok during it all, but today it is gloomy both outside and inside. I’m feeling kind of depressed and I wonder if my good cycle is coming to an end. Which would be super unfair to have it only last while I couldn’t be alone with hubby.
Yesterday I decided to play an online roleplaying game. I didn’t know anyone but was happy to wander around by myself exploring and killing things. You know relaxing.
There was a person who offered to friend me so I decided what the hell sure. Got to start somewhere.
At first they were really nice. Made me some armor, power leveled me. Kept encouraging me. Invited me to join their guild so I would have comrades.
Turns out it was just a skeevy male looking to get his cyber on with some poor unsuspecting woman. Sadly I just logged out after that. It made it hard for me to play and I didn’t feel like having a conversation about it.
Reminds me of the old days where men were mostly out to get some cyber, luckily one of those men introduced me to my husband who showed me they weren’t all bad. It makes me lose hope in making online friends though.
My mood has been middle of the road, today it is kind of meh. I am hoping it will get better. It’s cloudy and cool outside. I don’t feel much like doing anything but I am trying to do things regardless of how I am feeling about doing stuff at the moment.
Trying to stay motivated and not crawl back into bed.
I woke up this morning feeling sad and it really just continued through the whole day. Nothing has been able to pick me up.
I wanted to share a picture of our new kitchen. Enjoy!
I awoke feeling sad and barely able to move. I managed to get out of bed but I’m fighting every single minute to not go back there and go to sleep.
I want to cry, I think I would if I had the energy to do it. I think I’ll take myself up on that nap.
Last night I started to feel blue. Just a little sad. There was no reason for it so I know my bipolar depression was trying to slam it’s heaad through the door.
Sometimes I can just sleep it off. However this morning I woke up twice as sad and I’m feeling very hopeless. I think I will just go back to bed. I see no reason to be awake and spend all day alone and miserable.
I think I spelled mood stabilizers wrong in the title so I apologize lol. Right now I realize it is the one really important thing I am missing with my treatment. My moods are swinging all over the place and so rapidly I don’t know how to react from moment to moment.
I have been on them in the past but they were not successful because the bipolar depression was so bad. Now that is getting better it is time to deal with the constant spinning of my brain.
I’d love to hear from anyone on mood stabilizers that are working successfully. I’m not really sure where to start again.
I’ve been all over the place today and when I go back to see my shrink after the new year I would love to have some suggestions. I know everyone is different but I have an open mind when it comes to my treatment.