help

Mood Stabilizers

I think I spelled mood stabilizers wrong in the title so I apologize lol. Right now I realize it is the one really important thing I am missing with my treatment. My moods are swinging all over the place and so rapidly I don’t know how to react from moment to moment.

I have been on them in the past but they were not successful because the bipolar depression was so bad. Now that is getting better it is time to deal with the constant spinning of my brain.

I’d love to hear from anyone on mood stabilizers that are working successfully. I’m not really sure where to start again.

I’ve been all over the place today and when I go back to see my shrink after the new year I would love to have some suggestions. I know everyone is different but I have an open mind when it comes to my treatment.

Why So Insecure?!

My husband never hides anything from me. I occasionally browse his Facebook to see if there is anything funny going on and check his friends list. The friends list thing is pure paranoia.

I don’t now why I am so insecure, but going through it today I saw he and his sister were talking. It jaded me wonder if he is talking to people I am unaware of at work.
He used to be on aim with a bunch of work people now they all only talk through some work IM service. I don’t need to keep an eye on him, he’s a good man but it makes me feel better knowing that I could if I wanted to if that makes any sense.

When will this insecurity stop? Ever? I can’t wait to start to therapy for this.

He was telling me about a conversation about buying homes with a woman he works with, he’s only mentioned her name recently as apparently she is new tone team. It set all my alarms off.

Fuck, I hat my brain.

No Sleep, Just Eat

Again last night I spent hours upon hours, watching TV and eating a whole fucking box of creamsicles.  I need to not buy this shit and have it in the house. I am feeling some horrible self hatred right now.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so helpless. It’s not like I am even enjoying the damn things I just seem to need to punish myself for some reason. I wish my husband would tell me no when I ask for junk. I wish he didn’t always want me to be happy. I wish he was more of a hard ass.. But honestly it is all on me.

I am planning on getting LAPBAND surgery when we get back to Omaha, it was something I was going to do here but chickened out on. It’s something I need to do. I think with it and therapy I will get a handle on things.. I think I think.. I wish I knew..

I am so depressed I just want to sleep and I can’t which makes it so much worse. At least when I sleep I dream and I have control.. the one place I have any control and I can’t get to it. ARGHHHHH!

Luckily I am afraid of death or I would be drunk right now and just staying that way until this passes.. I need to let the medication work though.. WORK DAMMIT I have no patience.. breathe…

I Am Pissed For A Reason

This is not meant to be political.

This is Mental Health Month. We need to help people with mental illness of all types.
homeless man photo: Homeless Gif.gif

There are so many people living on the streets of the United States it is frightening. Regan closed all the asylums that were there for the people who were unable to look after themselves. So now they suffer with their illness alone and in the streets struggling to survive. This country is a country where we should not have issues like this.  There should be places for these people to go, to get medications, to get assistance. It hurts my heart to think of these people out there. I am not talking about the people who are perfectly able to get off their asses and work. I’m talking about the truly dysfunctional. How do we help them? You can give them food, you can give them money but in the end they are still going to be unable to function as a healthy human being. I want to help. I want to make a change for them. What do I do? Maybe we can figure it out together. If enough people band together they can get something done right?