Month: June 2016

FIL Is Here

So far it hasn’t been uncomfortable but I’ve been stoned lol. That helps a lot. I ran out though again.. sigh. I wish I had my own plants, so I could just have it whenever I wanted it and didn’t have to trouble anyone else.

I don’t know how the next several days are going to go but I’ll ride them out cause that’s what I do.

Whats the worst that can happen anyhow right?



It always seems like the day after I make some good accomplishments my brain decides to beat me up with all it’s negativity.

I hate my brain so damn much. I would trade it in a heart beat if I could still remember the people I loved.

My SIL invited me out tonight to a bar to meet with her new friend and some other friends. Not really in my comfort zone right now. Not with hubbies dad coming in tomorrow. ACK!


Made It

I finally made it to my shrink appt, woot! She is taking me completely off the wellbutrin and then we are also going to remove the Pristiq after. So another 6 weeks before that one goes.

That’s all I managed to accomplish, though she gave me another .5 mgs of xanax to take a day. 3 over the course of the day as opposed to the two I have in the morning the the .5 I have in the afternoon. We are trying to find a rhythm.

Overall it’s been a pretty good day. Oh I also ate breakfast at the restaurant. So big day for my social anxiety fears.



I have a perfect husband with a perfect house and perfect pets. I never want for anything. Yet dragging my ass out of bed when I wake up is super hard. Trying to get motivated to do anything is impossible and I cry at the drop of a hat. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be happy, but I’m so the opposite of happy it isn’t even funny. I hate depression. I dream of a day of happiness again.


Almost Forgot

I’ve been so wrapped in myself today that I almost forgot to write my blog post.

Today has been a very hard day for me, I stayed in bed until after 1:30pm and just couldn’t get my mojo going.

My sister in law asked me to go out to visit with her and her friends and I passed that up because I was literally terrified. I also have to get the house in order for father in law’s visit.

I have broken down and cried several times. I think I am just in the throes of some bad depression.

I feel so broken.

Not Like I Used To

I used to be able to drink and party and wake up the next day and start all over again. I definitely don’t have that ability anymore. I had three beers yesterday morning(ish) and felt like hell the rest of the day and I feel like crap today. I can’t keep up with SIL, course she is more then 10 years my junior I believe.

I’m waking up stressed about the fourth of July. I hate the gathering the socializing. I do love the fire works. Wish I could just stay home with hubby and watch him light fireworks off. Last year I had no problem, which goes to show you just how much you can backslide in a year. I have no idea how to fix this.. ugh,


Weird Way

Today started off on a weird start. SIL stopped by and got me out of bed, then we proceeded to have a few beers. I don’t think I felt straight for longer than 10 mins this morning. I feel super weird now.

I’m just listening to music and smoking weed by myself now. Just kind of relaxing before next week when the father in law and a bunch of family come to town for the fourth of July.  I’m super stressed about it unless I am listening to music than I’m not thinking about it.

I’m in a pretty good mood over all, it’s a nice change.

Interaction always helps with my mood.



I got nothing to write.. oh I bet that makes the writers shudder. I mean I have nothing to write about.

Today I showered and cleaned the sheets and comforter for the bed so I got something accomplished.

Now I’m just stoned and watching Last Man Standing.

Giving Up Meat

I have decided to give up meat. I just like animals too much. I don’t enjoy the thought of them suffering so I can eat. There are tons of things for me to eat that don’t involve something getting hurt.

Hubby is at a steak house tonight for work. I swear he waited until I made up my mind to tell me lol. the shit.

It’s been a very lonely day.

SIL went out tonight so she’s not coming by. I could have had MIL over but she deserves some time to herself. Everyone that doesn’t constantly have it, needs it.



I’m trying to lose weight. I’m trying really hard not to eat sweets but damn I want some cake. Been craving it all day. Lucky for me there is nothing within walking distance, I might have walked for it lol.

Today has been pretty uneventful.

Yesterday my sister in law invited me to a little gathering she is having Sunday, I’m actually thinking about going as it will be good practice for the fourth.

Hubby doesn’t want me drinking anymore so it might be hard though.