Today I went to see my shrink and she increased my pristiq because it seems to be helping some. I’m getting a little more involved in things and am looking forward to doing more.
Did I mention I love my shrink. We have so much in common, it feels like visiting a friend. She explained to me while I am emotionally shut off from people right now. Apparently when you are in a depressive state for a long time you put up all sorts of walls and when you start coming out of that depression sometimes it is still hard to drop those walls and be vulnerable. I agree with her. I’ve blocked out feelings for so long, not even allowing myself to cry at a sad moment. Now it’s hard for me to laugh out loud or cry or any other emotion. I’m working on it though.
I’m glad I have such a good doctor. I’m thankful for her. Do you have a shrink or doctor you like a great deal?
I’ve been mostly paralyzingly depressed for quite a while and did not feel up to doing anything. I’m starting to feel a little better and thought I should at least write an update.
My shrink has me back on wellbutrin and pristiq but has added in rexulti to make them work better. We haven’t reached goal yet but at least there is some movement out of depression. I’m still sleeping a lot. I love dreaming and when I get up I’m up for 5 hours before my husband is due home compared to 9 hours if I woke up when regular people do.
I’ve been outside a little bit. Walking with hubby around the neighborhood. That’s something at least, cause I think there was a couple months where I went no where at all.
Little steps. Getting it done.
Last night I missed writing my blog because I was too stoned to give a shit. Honestly I thought about it then just didn’t do it.
I thought that I had made the decision not to get anymore pot but when we were out tonight I had hubby get out the cash I needed for it anyhow. I even told him he was right and he didn’t try and talk me out of it, but then he treats me like an adult who can make her own decisions.
Tonight we went to downtown Gretna and walk around for a couple of hours catching pokemon and exploring. It’s nice down there and you can walk without thinking about it too much.
Also my shrink is taking me off the pristiq so we shall see if we get any side effects from that.
I finally made it to my shrink appt, woot! She is taking me completely off the wellbutrin and then we are also going to remove the Pristiq after. So another 6 weeks before that one goes.
That’s all I managed to accomplish, though she gave me another .5 mgs of xanax to take a day. 3 over the course of the day as opposed to the two I have in the morning the the .5 I have in the afternoon. We are trying to find a rhythm.
Overall it’s been a pretty good day. Oh I also ate breakfast at the restaurant. So big day for my social anxiety fears.
Most people would think much of it but people recovering from agoraphobia will dig where I’m coming from.
I walked to the mail box all on my own. It’s about half a block away from the house so that’s really the farthest I have gone on my own since California. (over 8 months) I think this is something I need to start adding to my daily things since it gets me exercising and gives me exposure to the outdoors? What do you think?
My mood is ok today. Not super up but not super down. I’m just right in the middle where I can smile and I can frown.
My shrink wants me to set my alarm in the morning and start taking my wellbutrin and pristiq earlier but I am still fighting to sleep as late as I can. I manage to sleep until 11:00. I don’t know what I would do with myself with those two extra hours. I think I am going to have to take her advice though.
I start therapy again in 4 days so maybe that will help, we shall see.
Today was a better day. Not because my depression improved but because I decided to listen to my BFF and try to make myself happy instead of waiting passively by for my pills and situation to fix anything. I love how she talks to me because she doesn’t hold her punches and as a fellow bipolar understand how things are. Not just anyone can do it but I appreciate that she does.
The minute I woke up I literally started mopping the floors, they are still covered with some dust from the build. They are finally starting to look like nice wood instead of some dusty old wood from a barn. It felt good to accomplish something. When hubby came home we walked around our block with the dogs since it was such a beautiful day. I think I am going to work on exercising every day it seems to pump me up some.
Tomorrow our fridge and washer and dryer get here so I can finally get all the laundry done from California. It’s been filling corners of the washroom and bedroom. There is a lot! It’s going to take me several days to get it all done but at least tomorrow I can finally start.
Tomorrow I also see my psychiatrist to get my pristiq increased. Should be an interesting day all in all.
I also finally get to shop for real food and cook a real meal if I so choose! Woot.
Today I went to see my shrink and we talked about the depression and general lack of motivation. I’m going to stay on the pristiq and latuda and am adding wellbutrin into the mix. She is hoping it will just give me a general push upwards.
Next week I get to do the spit test to see what drugs will work best for me. As it is I think the pristiq is making me gain a little weight and usually it has a lack of wanting to eat side effect. I never seem to get the side effects I want lol.
The house is really getting into shape. I can’t wait for it to be completely unpacked. I am tired of looking at boxes. Just need to wait for my shelves and dressers to get here. Then boom I’ll be done. Have to wait for Saturday though. Guess that is not too far off. Feels like it is though.
My mood was kind of meh today but not completely down. I am still having a hard time finding interest in anything to do though and the things I usually enjoy are also just not being enjoyed. Sigh.
I know it will get better, these waves just have to keep being ridden. I wouldn’t mind a nice smooth even keel for a longer amount of time though. I don’t think that is asking to much.
This weekend I’ve gotten almost everything packed. I just really have clothes and maybe one or two boxes to pack and I will be done for Thursday.
This is what the mess looks like…
I think we are really going to pack the uhaul we are renting. I can’t believe we are so close to moving day.
I have to admit I lay in bed for two hours this afternoon having some anxiety about the move and all the unpacking I will have to do. I tend to worry about every single thing so it passed like all the other things do.
My mood has been awesome though. I’m managing to stay up, seriously hoping it is the pristiq helping.
I’m excited to see how each day goes moving forward. Tomorrow will be another test as I will be home alone. Though I have found the guilty pleasure of watching TV shows I wouldn’t normally.
Here’s hoping it’s a good day.
My mood today has been both up and down. My anxiety seems to be worse than it has been. I am not sure if it is the pristiq or just the fact that there are a lot of stressful things going on right now.
My MIL brings up packing every single day and it is starting to stress me out about doing it. I have a plan in place and it’s really not any of her buisness how I plan on doing it, but there is something said that makes me want to pull my hair out. Today her suggestion was to pack up and put our stuff in the garage. No flipping way that garage is gross I don’t want my stuff sitting out there getting moist and stinky.
I went to lunch today even though my anxiety wanted me to run the other way. I was uncomfortable the whole time and really couldn’t eat. The pristiq seems to be changing the way I feel hunger and the way I want to eat. Actually for the better cause I don’t get as hungry and can’t seem to eat all my food. So maybe I’ll start losing weight again.
Either way tomorrow will be interesting. It will prove if the being alone is really influencing my depression. I hope not cause there is no changing it.
it’s nice to have more than one day in a row where my feelings are up.
I spent another nice day with hubby watching anime, playing diablo on the PS4 and watching the walking dead.
Watching anime with hubby right now and it makes me feel very warm and happy. I’d forgotten how much I really enjoy it.
I don’t know it is the pristiq or if my mood has just shifted. Only time will really tell.
I’ll post a picture of my ring after I get it sized.
1 week 5 days until we move into our home. eeeeeee so exciting.