Last Post For Several Days

Tomorrow we move into our new house and we’ll be spending the next week unpacking and getting things set up.

I’ll have internet on Saturday so if I’m not completely exhausted I will try and post then but no promises.

Anyhow off to finish the last of the packing….. see you soon!

The Stress IS Getting To Me

I just keep worrying about everything. Tomorrow it is supposed to snow .5 to 2 inches and we have bald tires on the car and the next day we need to close on the house and it’s making my stomach hurt thinking about something messing up.

Originally I was just concerned about my social anxiety but now everrything has become a stressor. We’ve had everything set to be delivered in an orderly fashion. We’ve had things set to be set up as long as everything goes according to plan. One dominoe could fuck up the entire thing. UGH.

Why does my brain have to be like this? My husband is so flipping calm. I don’t know how he can be but he just doesn’t stress like me and it drives me bloody bananas.

Just one more day to go and hopefully everything will go ok. If it does I won’t be posting for a couple of days but I think that is a good enough reason to miss posting.

It’s Been A Productive Weekend

This weekend I’ve gotten almost everything packed. I just really have clothes and maybe one or two boxes to pack and I will be done for Thursday.

This is what the mess looks like…


I think we are really going to pack the uhaul we are renting. I can’t believe we are so close to moving day.

I have to admit I lay in bed for two hours this afternoon having some anxiety about the move and all the unpacking I will have to do. I tend to worry about every single thing so it passed like all the other things do.

My mood has been awesome though. I’m managing to stay up, seriously hoping it is the pristiq helping.

I’m excited to see how each day goes moving forward. Tomorrow will be another test as I will be home alone. Though I have found the guilty pleasure of watching TV shows I wouldn’t normally.

Here’s hoping it’s a good day.

400 Posts

I didn’t realize it at the time but when I posted my blog yesterday it told me it was my 400th post. I’m actually pretty impressed with myself. 🙂

Today I slept til 10:30 but am planning on getting all the laundry done so I can pack most of it up. It’s 7 days until we move into our home and I want to be prepared.

I’m feeling ok today, it feels like it could go above that if things align right.

Tomorrow we go for our second last walk thru of the house. We will be pointing out anything we need fixed before next Thursday when we close. We’ve been checking it out at least once a week, so we already know what we want fixed, which is honestly one thing, the door to the garage. So that should be fun and quick.

I’m so excited that I am going to be able to post from my house in a week. I think that is going to help a lot with the mood swings because my stress is going to go down a lot. I can’t wait to get all my stuff and unpack! I haven’t seen it in 8 months so it will be like opening presents.

Well I’m off to finish the laundry!

My MIL Is Driving Me Crazy

My mood today has been both up and down. My anxiety seems to be worse than it has been. I am not sure if it is the pristiq or just the fact that there are a lot of stressful things going on right now.

My MIL brings up packing every single day and it is starting to stress me out about doing it. I have a plan in place and it’s really not any of her buisness how I plan on doing it, but there is something said that makes me want to pull my hair out.  Today her suggestion was to pack up and put our stuff in the garage. No flipping way that garage is gross I don’t want my stuff sitting out there getting moist and stinky.

I went to lunch today even though my anxiety wanted me to run the other way. I was uncomfortable the whole time and really couldn’t eat. The pristiq seems to be changing the way I feel hunger and the way I want to eat. Actually for the better cause I don’t get as hungry and can’t seem to eat all my food. So maybe I’ll start losing weight again.

Either way tomorrow will be interesting. It will prove if the being alone is really influencing my depression. I hope not cause there is no changing it.


Last Day Til October

This will be my last blog written on my computer until we buy a house which will be October. We want to be in by Halloween as it is my favorite holiday and I want to be able to decorate. Almost all of our stuff is going into storage until then.

I won’t stop posting but I will be using my IPad or my laptop to write on moving forward so most of the posts are not likely to be perfectly edited. While on the road the next few days I will likely be making very short posts, we want to get to Omaha as soon as possible so it will be post, sleep, drive, mix, repeat.

I am  super stressed out today. In fact as I write this I am having a lot of dissociative feelings. I feel like my head is under the sea.. Everything just doesn’t feel right. I hate that, but what are you going to do right? I’ve taken my antianxiety meds and am mostly just trying not to curl up. It’s my natural reaction. My body shuts down and wants to go to sleep to avoid everything.

Not really something I can do though. The movers will be here in a little over 12 hours and then we will be on the road for 6-8 hours then 2 more days of 8-10 hours, something like that. I takes a while to drive there and there looks like there is going to be weather.. Scary.. fucking weather. I miss it but not the scary stuff, I just hope we are safe. I want to get Omaha with as little stress as possible.

Wish me luck ..

What an Awesome Friday the 13th

I woke up this morning and was in a pretty good mood. Yesterday I was hypo-manic and it carried over to today allowing me to get things done and not giving a shit what people thought about me. I set 1 new goal and got some more of the packing done.

We leave in 12 days OMG, I’m so excited.  I get to see my BFF and travel through parts of the country I have never seen. I mean it’s scary to because we are traveling right down tornado all the way but I really can’t wait to get home! Plus it will be part of my goal to eat pie in every state HA! How is that for food obsessed.

Something awesomely weird happened at the grocery store today. I was walking through the produce isles and this woman says to me, “You are Damn Sexy”. I replied umm thank you and started to walk away when she then says, ” I call em like I see em and I noticed it the second you got out of your car “. Talk about an Ego boost. I’ve never been flirted with so blatantly by anyhow. I’ll take a compliment where I can get them.

Once we got home I was super gung-ho to get some more packing done but I made the mistake of getting a 1 liter Dr. Pepper. Neither the sugar or caffeine agreed with me and after about an hour I was shaking and sleepy and feeling majorly fucked up. Needless to say I went and had a nap. I really think I have to give them both up. I mean I do need to but this sort of just reinforced it.

Now to win the lottery! We got 2 tickets. I don’t need the millions just enough to pay off my bills would be just fine 😀

Hope everyone else had an good day as well!


Bipolar’s Stuck In Their Teens

This is my opinion and pertains to me only, so don’t have a shit fit 😛

I feel like I am still stuck in my teens. I am rebellious, precocious, dramatic, manipulative and many other things that pertain to the angst of being a teenager.

I want to be a grown up, but I realize that when it comes down to it, I am just stuck on an emotional level. My husband says I see him as an authority figure as I often say no just to be spiteful. Sometimes I think that is true. Of course when he says it to me I deny it completely because seriously why would I admit that?

It gets worse the more depressed I get typically. When I am happy I am agreeable to most things. I am also more responsible, I spend less and I eat better. My depression is starting to raise it’s ugly head.

I have said in the past few weeks I have been weepy. Well it’s getting worse. Almost anything is setting it off. Really it could have better timing. I have packing to do, I have pictures to take and walks to go on.

I’m starting to feel drained though. Less likely to do anything. This is always the hardest time to be an adult and keep my word. I need to take better care of myself this time around. I can’t let it immobilize me. I need that teenager that is in me to rebel against the depression.

Really all I can do is hope.  Right now I am fighting the urge to just curl back up in bed and sleep.  My grapefruit is still sitting on the counter as I decided to eat crackers and cheese popcorn for my breakfast/lunch. Ugh.

I always feel if I post something on my blog I am more likely to do it, so no matter how shitty I feel tonight I will still go out and take my pictures and I will pack one box as soon as I am done this post. *fingers crossed*