Folic Acid

I thought folic acid was something that just pregnant women needed. However when my shrink did the saliva test it turned out I was low. Apparently the over the counter stuff isn’t what I need either so when I tried to get my script filled they wanted to charge me a whopping 165 dollars. I said nu-uh and waited until I saw my shrink this week. She gave me a month worth of samples to see if it actually helps. We’ll go from there in a month.

My mood has been pretty good. Like I said before I am feeling pretty normal. Which is kind of a bummer but good at the same time. My shrink is happy with my improvement.

I miss my hypomania so much though. What’s the saying, you don’t know what you got till it’s gone? Yep ain’t that the truth. I knew it was wonderful but didn’t know how much I would miss it. Needless to say it is taking a lot of adjusting.

The depression has been good. Only lasted a couple of days this month and it wasn’t as bad as it has been in the past. I guess that is something to put in the good column.

What an Awesome Friday the 13th

I woke up this morning and was in a pretty good mood. Yesterday I was hypo-manic and it carried over to today allowing me to get things done and not giving a shit what people thought about me. I set 1 new goal and got some more of the packing done.

We leave in 12 days OMG, I’m so excited.  I get to see my BFF and travel through parts of the country I have never seen. I mean it’s scary to because we are traveling right down tornado all the way but I really can’t wait to get home! Plus it will be part of my goal to eat pie in every state HA! How is that for food obsessed.

Something awesomely weird happened at the grocery store today. I was walking through the produce isles and this woman says to me, “You are Damn Sexy”. I replied umm thank you and started to walk away when she then says, ” I call em like I see em and I noticed it the second you got out of your car “. Talk about an Ego boost. I’ve never been flirted with so blatantly by anyhow. I’ll take a compliment where I can get them.

Once we got home I was super gung-ho to get some more packing done but I made the mistake of getting a 1 liter Dr. Pepper. Neither the sugar or caffeine agreed with me and after about an hour I was shaking and sleepy and feeling majorly fucked up. Needless to say I went and had a nap. I really think I have to give them both up. I mean I do need to but this sort of just reinforced it.

Now to win the lottery! We got 2 tickets. I don’t need the millions just enough to pay off my bills would be just fine 😀

Hope everyone else had an good day as well!


Getting Ready – A Bipolars Guilde To A Night Out

Normal Mood:
Shower – Want to Smell Great, Plus I’ll use this cute perfume.
Find outfit – look through closet and find something pretty easy.
Shoes – These are cute and can walk in them
Makeup – Not too much I hate the clean up afterwards.
Hair – I’ll wear it up, it’s easier and I am horrible at styling.
Husbands Compliment of me looking nice. – thank you!

Depressed Mood
Shower – Nah too much work, maybe tomorrow.
Find Outfit – I have no energy, I’ll just take this sundress that I threw on the floor a week ago.
Shoes – I wish I could just wear my slippers, but I guess I’ll change to sandals.
Makeup – Nah too much work.
Hair – it looks fine, a little bedheady but that’s all the rage.
Husbands Compliment of me looking nice – ya whatever.

Hypersexualized Mood
Shower – Invite hubby in for a quickie.
Find Outfit- Dance around the house naked, teasing hubby. Eventually pick out the sluttiest dress I have.
Shoes- 5 inch stilettos, perfect.
Makeup- Dark red lipstick and a smoky eye. Sultry.
Hair – Wow this curling iron looks like a dick. Ask hubby for another quickie.
Hubbies Compliment of me looking nice – Another quickie of course. What a great way to thank him. Why does he look pained.

Hypomanic Mood
Shower – Turn on the tunes and spend 30 extra minutes in the shower singing into the loofa.
Find Outfit- This one looks good, how about this one, this one, ooh I like this one. Maybe not.. This one? Hmm okay this one.
Shoes- Tries on 20 different Shoes, 1 foot at a time, running 2 hours late now. Show hubby them all and discuss 5 different topics with him while you are doing it.
Makeup – Damn my hand is shaking, guess I am going with the bright green. Do you know how come eyes are different colors? and that I’m part Irish?
Hair – Up? Down? Curls? Ugh I’ll just brush it out, my natural waves will do, right? Right?
Hubbies Compliment of me looking nice – Thanks, but did you mean the dress? Do the shoes look ok? Hey did you see the thing on the news about the stuff? Can I just stay home and paint, or make jewelry or write?

Bitchy Mood
Shower – Fuck that.
Find Outfit – I hate all these clothes, I hate everything in my closet.
Find Shoes – Throw a shoe at hubby for wondering what’s taking me so long
Makeup – No one will notice, screw it.
Hair – As I put a pony tail in I mumble and swear to myself about not wanting to go.
Hubbies Compliment of me looking nice – Fuck you. Start a fight about something stupid and end up not going.

Things Are Actually Pretty Great Right Now

I have been in a pretty amazing mood today, jovial would be a great one word description. I went out and did some clothes shopping at Target!! I was so happy with myself for doing it and so loved to be able to touch and smell the clothing before I got it. I mean Amazon rocks but you can’t compare it to actually being able to be 100% positive you got the right size.

Yes shopping is my addiction of choice but I didn’t go overboard and got a few cute outfits for Las Vegas. I am hoping that I will be able to wear more than one out, if things stay up that is a good possibility. I tend to not be so anxious when I am like this. Plus I don’t completely hate myself right now which is more than a little unusual but I’ll take any of the positive things that come my way.

I have my bag all packed and ready to go, does it say something that I am bring a duffle bag and hubby is bring a medium suitcase? lol A girl can never be too prepared. Shoes and makeup and clothes and jewelry and hair stuff. When I do myself up for his mom’s wedding I might get him to take a picture so I can post it to the blog. We’ll see how that goes.

Either way I will be writing each night from our Hotel room and plan on sharing how everything is going.  I’m going to go do something creative now. TTFN

Something Wonderful Happened In My Bed!

No it’s not what you think you dirty minded people! LOL

The chemicals in my brain shifted, my world slightly tilted and when I woke up something strange had happened.

I was HAPPY! I know due to my recent almost 2 months of depressions (with slight 1 day breaks) it shocked me. I searched my mind in all the dark corners and came up with nothing to worry about, nothing to stress about. I almost forgot how good happy feels, I mean I always wish for it and romanticize it in my mind but when it finally happens it’s like the clouds open to reveal sunlight. The birds are constantly singing. I feel like a Disney character.

I do have the issue of what normally happens with my happiness. (Let’s be honest it’s hypomania). I even know that it won’t last long but as long as I am feeling it I am going to enjoy it. Now if my brain would just slow down long enough for me to pick something to do that would be amazing. If my mouth could slow down just a little when I talk, that would be awesome. I mean hubby can almost follow me when I am like this, thank goodness!

This is the most wonderful feeling in the world. I want to sing, I want to dance, I want to do too many things and I don’t really care. It’s the not caring that should worry me but at the moment I again don’t really care.

I’ve been laughing and humming and playing games and cooking and taking care of things. It just feels amazing to feel so damned good. I even like the way I look today, my hair seems perfectly tussled and my clothes looking great.. (This is how I know I am hypomanic) I want to go out in sexy clothes and have people look at me (in a good way).. That won’t happen though, hubby has an issue with my showing off my goods but you know what I am ok with it!

I think I might work on my writing at least while I can, and reading and oh my god I am soo excited.. Crazy excited and I love it!!! Sure makes the last couple of days where I was a complete bitch seem like a year ago.

*twirls with birds landing on my shoulder as I sing and dance about how wonderful things are*



I think that everyone lives in their own little bubble. However some peoples are sparkly and rainbow like, almost like the aurora borealis . Some are filled with fire and smoke and whip out flames to hurt ,while others are almost pearl like and calm with a hint of blue ocean. Then we have the bubble which is fractured and torn barely able to keep a float with it’s wisps of gray. Finally there is the black bubble, so dark and deep and filled with hate you can’t see the light through it.

I think as bipolars our bubbles are shifting, we move between the various bubbles and only the people who truly know us can see which one we are.  As our moods change we flit about in one form or another. Not always aware of how our bubble is showing, but knowing it usually attracts others like moth to fire.

With others our bubbles might not show as we feel. We are strong  at controlling our bubbles when faced with the people we don’t know or we don’t want to see us as we are. We act like one while we feel another. Perhaps the most empathic person can see what we truly are but most just see what we present them. We rarely let others close enough to see how our wondrous collection of bubbles we are.

Why am a talking in bubbles? I always consider people to have a personal space, defined as a bubble. I day dreamed about this and I could see all the vibrancy that each person holds. Just the way my brain works sometimes I suppose.  Do you experience all the bubbles?