Shrink

Keeping The Resolutions

So today I talked to my shrink and the insurance company denied my rexulti so we need to press forward and try to get it handled. I hope they do since the med actually helps! I am almost out of pills so my shrink gave me some samples and then I went out to lunch with hubby.  I ate a good lowish carb meal and tried to interact somewhat with the waitress.  Pretty good since I am feeling like crap and didn’t even want to go out. When hubby asked me originally I said no but then I remembered that I want to do the things Dani would have challenged me to do if she were still alive.

That’s about it for today!

Meds and Stuff

Currently I am taking pristiq which your insurance has to basically approve. I’ve been on it for over a year now and I went to switch pharmacies to something closer to home and the insurance denied my pills. They are like 650 dollars if they are not covered and frankly not worth it. I’m getting off of it as soon as possible. I need to get pills from my shrink to actually go off it and I’m down to six pills.

Last night was a  load of fun, me and SiL hung out and watched some TV together, had long conversations and a few beers. I love that girl.

Hubby joined us as we explored the house that is being built next door.  It reminded me of being a kid it was fun.

 

Decisions

Yesterday after talking to my psychiatrist it made me rethink if I should go to the doctors tomorrow.

My shrink believes that my tummy troubles are because of the stress and anxiety that I and life have been putting myself under. I think she is right honestly.

The problem is the lack of motivation to eat. Now to be honest today has been better than it has been in a while. I might make 900 calories, 1000 if I have another shake before bed.  That may not seem like enough but I’m not over extending my energy so I am ok for now.

My shrink gave me pills for nausea which is one of my problems. If I can get past this and start enjoying food again it would be wonderful.

I’ll let you all know how it goes tomorrow whichever way I choose.

(still no weed by choice) I am considering giving up alcohol for good just so my meds can work to their full potential.

Does anyone else drink from time to time? I was drinking a couple bottles of wine once a week with my SIL.  I think I’m over it.

Saw My Shrink Today

First off I am super proud of myself for actually going.  I had forgotten how much I like her. I’ve even made a follow up appt.

She increased my Latuda to 80, lowered my Wellbutrin to 150 and left the Pristiq the same. She also wants me to change how I take my Xanax 2mg  in the morning and then gave me an extra .05 for mid day.

I talked to her about the fact that I have been sick and she thinks that it is because of all the anxiety I am constantly putting myself under. So we are going to work on that and the depression.

Honestly ever since my best friend and dog died I haven’t felt like myself at all. I’m always afraid.

Did you know that the stomach has more serotonin receptors than the brain which is why someone like me can make themselves sick I guess.

I’m still going to the doctors monday so they can at least do some blood work and maybe help on their end.

I’ve Been Sick For Months

I have had a lot of bottom problems and vomiting and the inability to want to eat anything. If I smoke weed I can eat. However this is yet another weedless day.

I’ve been avoiding it, hoping it would fix itself but now I’ve actually made the Dr’s appt to get checked out on Monday. I likely won’t learn anything then but getting the ball rolling is what I need to do.

I may be terrified of people but I’m more terrified of dying and for a depressed person to say that means I still got some fight..

Tomorrow is my shrink appt so Fists up.

Blah Blah Blah

I could not think of a title. Today I have not done very much. I’ve been kind of chill and just relaxing.

My shrink called today to tell me she would not fill my scripts again until I made an appt to see her.  So now that is coming up next Friday.

I played some World of Warcraft and am planning on playing some more later.

For now I’m just gonna try and unload some anxiety somehow.

 

Folic Acid

I thought folic acid was something that just pregnant women needed. However when my shrink did the saliva test it turned out I was low. Apparently the over the counter stuff isn’t what I need either so when I tried to get my script filled they wanted to charge me a whopping 165 dollars. I said nu-uh and waited until I saw my shrink this week. She gave me a month worth of samples to see if it actually helps. We’ll go from there in a month.

My mood has been pretty good. Like I said before I am feeling pretty normal. Which is kind of a bummer but good at the same time. My shrink is happy with my improvement.

I miss my hypomania so much though. What’s the saying, you don’t know what you got till it’s gone? Yep ain’t that the truth. I knew it was wonderful but didn’t know how much I would miss it. Needless to say it is taking a lot of adjusting.

The depression has been good. Only lasted a couple of days this month and it wasn’t as bad as it has been in the past. I guess that is something to put in the good column.

Shrinks and Spit Tests.

So I went to my shrinks this week and found out some interesting things from the spit test dna thing they did. Apparently I will respond well to most medications. (like not have a really diverse reaction) I am really low on folic acid and I also keep benzo’s in my system a lot longer than most people. Was it worth it? I guess I will find out.

She wants me to start taking fast absorbing folic acid but it wasn’t covered by insurance and it was 145 bucks, that is way to much for a monthly pill. So I am going to see if I can maybe take the over the counter kind that takes a little longer to get into your system.

I’ve been having a lot of fun playing Final Fantasy with my husband. I’ve been in a pretty good place except for one low peak the day after my FIL left.

I’m keeping on top of the house, keeping it clean. Making dinner almost every night and my weight loss is going really well so far. I may need to go a little lower in calories or carbs should it stall but right now it works. I am still trying to walk at least a mile every day. I have a hard time sitting still anyhow. I’m looking forward to riding our bikes!

It’s weird to be looking forward to things… really weird.

Dreams

I think I’ve probably said multiple times how I just love to dream. They are always so vivid and realistic. I have such a hard time getting up in the morning because I enjoy them so much. I can continue a dream where it left off so if I have to wake up in the middle of the night I just go back to it. Apparently not everyone can do this, so it makes me glad.

My mood yesterday was down right bitchy. My dog Charlie is being a particularly picky eater right now but the dogs have to be on the food they are on because of Ren’s pancreatis. (not sure how it’s spelt). So anyhow the little bugger will starve himself until he feels sick then throws up. I don’t know what to do about it. I might have to feed them separately. As it is, I have to sit on the floor with them to make sure Charlie does eat when he will. I would have to do it even more to keep Ren out of his food. *sigh*

I didn’t go to my shrinks yesterday because of the bad mood and some tummy issues. I hate having to change it, but what are you supposed to do when you need to stay close to the washroom? Bah.

Internet Down

My internet was down yesterday but the days I missed before that are all on me. I thought that once I got my computer back it would be even easier to remember to write everyday but I am trying to live life and I got busy actually having fun.

I was playing outside with my dogs, walking and playing on the computer with hubby until the wee hours of the night. I’d like to say I am going to be writing every day going forward but it’s not a promise I can keep. I am going to be writing at least a couple times a week, maybe more.

My mood has been pretty good for the last few days. Normally it is depression that makes me forget things but happiness did it this time so I really just can’t complain.

I go back to my therapists tomorrow then see my shrink 2 days later. I wonder if she heard about my saliva test. I guess I’ll see.