SIL

So Tired

I’m tired of feeling like shit.

My father in law came to visit us for a week and I can’t get up the energy to even be involved with it.

I even asked my hubby to talk his sister into not coming over tonight because I was just not in the mood. She’s one of my favorite people in the world and I don’t want to see her, well her and her kids. I don’t know that I would be able to control my temper if they misbehaved and I don’t want that coming between us.

I love the kids don’t get me wrong I just have no patience today.

I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep until I wake up and the birds are singing and there’s rainbows every where.  I know it won’t happen but a girl can dream a little huh?

fuck it.

Family N Stuff

Today we spent the afternoons at my mother in laws so that we could celebrate my nephews birthday. It was alright. Things felt different with my sis-in-law. I wonder if that will change once things are reintroduced or if I am just being hyper sensitive. I mean it could honestly be either.

It was a nice afternoon though sitting out by the lake and catching more pokemon. Can seriously do that just about anywhere.

Had some food and played cards with my little nephew. Got me out of the house anyhow.

 

Is Depression Better?

Today I have felt a multitude of feelings and I don’t like it! I was calm and accepting of everything when I was depressed. Maybe it seemed like I didn’t care but I was just kind of chill about everything going on around me. Now I have feelings about everything.

Was supposed to hang out with my SiL Saturday and she ended up posting on facebook about going to a concert. Kind of felt like a punch in the stomach. I don’t like that at all. Things got worked out and I explained to her that my feelings were hurt. That’s the problem when you let people into your life. They have the ability to make you feel things. When it was just me and hubby I was mostly happy, not much made me feel angry or hurt. Now everything feels like I am feeling it 100% stronger than ever before.

The numbness of depression just seems to be easier you know.

On a maybe positive note we are having gretna days, which is our little fair and I really want to go so maybe I actually will. We’ll see when 5:00 rolls around.

Not Like I Used To

I used to be able to drink and party and wake up the next day and start all over again. I definitely don’t have that ability anymore. I had three beers yesterday morning(ish) and felt like hell the rest of the day and I feel like crap today. I can’t keep up with SIL, course she is more then 10 years my junior I believe.

I’m waking up stressed about the fourth of July. I hate the gathering the socializing. I do love the fire works. Wish I could just stay home with hubby and watch him light fireworks off. Last year I had no problem, which goes to show you just how much you can backslide in a year. I have no idea how to fix this.. ugh,

 

Weird Way

Today started off on a weird start. SIL stopped by and got me out of bed, then we proceeded to have a few beers. I don’t think I felt straight for longer than 10 mins this morning. I feel super weird now.

I’m just listening to music and smoking weed by myself now. Just kind of relaxing before next week when the father in law and a bunch of family come to town for the fourth of July.  I’m super stressed about it unless I am listening to music than I’m not thinking about it.

I’m in a pretty good mood over all, it’s a nice change.

Interaction always helps with my mood.

 

Last Night Was a Blast

I ended up having a really good night. Was a lot of fun. I totally need the socialization and it’s great when it is someone I love hanging out with so much. Now if I could just do it without the drinking that would totally rock, but it’s one thing or another right now.

Today has been good, just been giving my brain a break by listening to my music stoned. It really occupies all those horrible self hatred and worry about everything moments.

Hanging Out With My SIL

having a wonderful day hanging out with my SIL, it’s wonderful and I don’t want to interrupt it so sorry this blog will be la suck for today.

Gotta grab the joy!

Meds and Stuff

Currently I am taking pristiq which your insurance has to basically approve. I’ve been on it for over a year now and I went to switch pharmacies to something closer to home and the insurance denied my pills. They are like 650 dollars if they are not covered and frankly not worth it. I’m getting off of it as soon as possible. I need to get pills from my shrink to actually go off it and I’m down to six pills.

Last night was a  load of fun, me and SiL hung out and watched some TV together, had long conversations and a few beers. I love that girl.

Hubby joined us as we explored the house that is being built next door.  It reminded me of being a kid it was fun.

 

Unexpected

When I woke up this morning I figured it would be an ordinary day. However when I woke my husband was home, that’s always nice even when he is sick cause I love to see him.

My SIL came by at lunchtime and asked if I wanted to go out and explore. We went to a neat church and drove to a cute bar and had a beer  by the platte river. It was really relaxing.

BTW I didn’t give up the weed either..but that’s a story for another day.

More Visits With A Slight Reprieve

So Mom’s husband is gone but now my FIL is here until Friday. So that means out of 11 days hubby and I will have 3 alone.. 3 you say? Yes tomorrow we actually will have some time alone. MIL and FIL are going over to SIL for a visit. The rest of the week will be celebrating SIL’s birthday, New Years Eve and also a lot of football.. ugh

My mood is okay, we got an email from the people building our house that we might hear about closing in a week or two. We basically close 45 days after we hear. So I am hoping it is a week opposed to two. Yet it is wonderful that we are getting closer to getting into our home. We walked through it again today as we showed MIL and FIL how it looks with actual walls and such. It gave me a nice warm feeling.

For some reason when the new year and Christmas are around I get paranoid. I worry that there is going to be some holiday catastrophe. I don’t know why. I just have always been that way. This year things have been a little different. I still have that lingering worry in the back of my head but I’ve also been able to enjoy moments.

My mood today is middle of the road, not bad but not good. I’ve been able to joke and smile though so that is a plus. I’m worried the depression is going to come again. I hope it stays away a little longer than it normally does. After all it always stays around longer than most of my other moods, it only seems fair.

Honestly the only thing I really want it time alone with my husband. That isn’t asking for much. Can’t wait for tomorrow.