I haven’t felt like I have had even one word to write so I have written in a couple/few days.
I still don’t know how much I have to say. I am weepy and unmotivated and feeling a little lost.
My father in law is coming for Christmas and I really wanted to be able to just chill with my husband this year. I’m tired of his showing up for all the damn holidays and I get no fucking time with my husband. Ok vent ended.
Other than that I have started watching Gilmore Girls right from the beginning before I get to their new movie/series thingy.
Hopefully I get the urge to write soon, I miss it but my mind is a flipping blank most of the time.
I’m tired of feeling like shit.
My father in law came to visit us for a week and I can’t get up the energy to even be involved with it.
I even asked my hubby to talk his sister into not coming over tonight because I was just not in the mood. She’s one of my favorite people in the world and I don’t want to see her, well her and her kids. I don’t know that I would be able to control my temper if they misbehaved and I don’t want that coming between us.
I love the kids don’t get me wrong I just have no patience today.
I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep until I wake up and the birds are singing and there’s rainbows every where. I know it won’t happen but a girl can dream a little huh?
My FIL is still here and I’ve decided that I actually like to be alone during the day. It may get lonely sometimes but I can dress how I like, do what I like and not feel like I am constantly under someone’s gaze.
Last night the top of my back was out and hubby cracked it for me. Sadly it threw my lower back out and I couldn’t move for a good 20 mins at all. It didn’t hurt so much as it was locked. Today it is tender but definitely feeling better.
My mood has been surprisingly good despite everything. I’ve found something I thought I lost which is enjoyment. Hubby and I have been playing on the computers when we can and are having a good time doing it.
I’m still cooking every day and walking at least a mile. The diet is going fairly well despite the fact that someone has entered my lair.
Only 3 more days to go….
I hate being over stimulated and having a guest staying with me, always does exactly that.
My father in law was supposed to stay with us for a weekend is now staying with us for 9 days, maybe more I don’t know. He came into town for my sister in laws divorce and Easter. I now have to budget our meals differently. Watch TV shows I have no interest in and just generally not feel comfortable at all. Plus my lower back is killing me from sitting on the couch all day. Tomorrow I clean. It is starting to make me feel depressed. Apparently this is a huge trigger.
Plus we had 4 people from my husbands work drop by for a tour of the house. That was really stressful, but now we might have a couple to hang with! So that’s something good that came out of all this.
On the plus side when I woke up this morning I was officially down 20 pounds! That makes me happy as hell. I have a lot more to go but I am going to celebrate all the losses. 20 pounds is a huge deal.
Except for the last couple days my mood has been better. I am trying not to get down but I can feel my joy slipping away as I slide further into this hell. I’m not getting to hang with hubby either.
I’m frustrated to say the least though. I don’t know what to do about it.