I’m Not Ok

I want to cry, I want to break down, I want to remove this fucking mask that I am wearing.

I’m tired of putting on a happy face so that people don’t realize that I am bat shit fucking crazy.

I thought about throwing myself down the stairs today, that would have been painful. Yet is seemed like a good idea. Obviously not good enough to go through with.

Tomorrow Jim will be at work and I’m afraid.

I’m afraid a lot these days. I drank three days in a row. I am not drinking today which is something. Each day, right?

4 days until therapy and likely a new round of pills, fingers crossed.


  1. Thinking of you, honey – I am so sorry you’re in this pain. Hang in there ’til the appt. – you can do it, and do *not* hurt yourself by hurling yourself down the stairs. Please. xoxoxoo ((((hugs))))))


  2. You know where to find me. Call me if you need me. It’s worth your sanity to find a little cheap apartment while you’re saving money for the house. Don’t sacrifice yourself for this. You’re more important.


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