I’m Not Ok

I want to cry, I want to break down, I want to remove this fucking mask that I am wearing.

I’m tired of putting on a happy face so that people don’t realize that I am bat shit fucking crazy.

I thought about throwing myself down the stairs today, that would have been painful. Yet is seemed like a good idea. Obviously not good enough to go through with.

Tomorrow Jim will be at work and I’m afraid.

I’m afraid a lot these days. I drank three days in a row. I am not drinking today which is something. Each day, right?

4 days until therapy and likely a new round of pills, fingers crossed.

4 comments

  1. Thinking of you, honey – I am so sorry you’re in this pain. Hang in there ’til the appt. – you can do it, and do *not* hurt yourself by hurling yourself down the stairs. Please. xoxoxoo ((((hugs))))))

    Like

  2. You know where to find me. Call me if you need me. It’s worth your sanity to find a little cheap apartment while you’re saving money for the house. Don’t sacrifice yourself for this. You’re more important.

    Like

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