I’m only 46 but today is my daughter’s 30th birthday and it’s making me feel so much older.
My mood has been pretty steady. I had a couple of days of depression but I accidently missed a dose of my pills so I think that is to blame.
I am still spending a great deal of time cooking, cleaning and hanging out on the computer. I am also trying to get in at least a mile a day, the exercise seems to also be helping with the mood. I don’t know if it’s chemicals or because I am accomplishing something.
I’m down 28 pounds now! I am only creating goals of 5 pounds at a time so that I don’t get overwhelmed, at least the scale is finally going in the correct direction.
I am thinking of applying for a work from home job. I think it would be good for me to do something with my time and bring in a little money as well.
Time for me to make more positive changes.
This was the shortest period a depression has ever lasted. 3 days, that was it and then I went back to feeling normal.
However I am missing something. My creativity and want to create is next to nil. I want to do other things and I am cleaning the house so it is not a lack of motivation. I think my meds are messing with that part of my brain. If they are I have issue with that. Is being able to paint and write worth months of depression, well no. Yet I still would like to be able to do those things.
I am starting a painting tomorrow for my BFF. I hope that I can create something as beautiful as she is… We shall see..
I am getting out of bed and not just sitting there in regret and despair. I want to, don’t get me wrong but I’m not going to let myself do that to me. Know what I mean?
I’m writing my blog which is something that I haven’t felt motivated to do. I’m getting dressed instead of sitting around in my jammies all day. I’m still cooking meals every day and working on my weight loss. I’m getting involved in things to do with hubby. I am just not letting the depression control me. At least not completely.
I am sleeping until almost noon every day because I’d rather be in a dream world than the real world. I’m working on it though. I hope to be getting back up at 10am soon. Hopefully.
Today I woke up a little depressed. Saturday night I missed my Latuda by mistake and I think that has a lot to do with it. It’s amazing how missing one pill can make you feel completely sad and unmotivated.
I don’t even want to do anything fun.
Hubby and I are watching Dare Devil on Netflix. We binged watched the first 12 episodes and will be watching the last one tonight. It’s pretty good from our point of view. We stayed up until almost 4 in the morning Saturday watching it. I think that might have a lot to do with it as well.
I didn’t wake up until noon today. I could just as easily crawl back into bed too. I thought 11:00am was really pushing it but noon is really gonna mess me up. I suppose I should listen to my shrink and start setting an alarm and getting up to try and enjoy the day.
So I went to my shrinks this week and found out some interesting things from the spit test dna thing they did. Apparently I will respond well to most medications. (like not have a really diverse reaction) I am really low on folic acid and I also keep benzo’s in my system a lot longer than most people. Was it worth it? I guess I will find out.
She wants me to start taking fast absorbing folic acid but it wasn’t covered by insurance and it was 145 bucks, that is way to much for a monthly pill. So I am going to see if I can maybe take the over the counter kind that takes a little longer to get into your system.
I’ve been having a lot of fun playing Final Fantasy with my husband. I’ve been in a pretty good place except for one low peak the day after my FIL left.
I’m keeping on top of the house, keeping it clean. Making dinner almost every night and my weight loss is going really well so far. I may need to go a little lower in calories or carbs should it stall but right now it works. I am still trying to walk at least a mile every day. I have a hard time sitting still anyhow. I’m looking forward to riding our bikes!
It’s weird to be looking forward to things… really weird.
As you know I had my father in law in town. He stayed with us for nine damn days! My husband had to work so I was stuck with him for each and every one of them, except weekends. It was difficult because it made my home feel weird. Plus hubby and me got little to no time alone.
This past weekend we had even more family time with a nephews birthday and Easter. It was all so over stimulating, I just want to curl up in bed today. I haven’t though, I still got up and did some housework and ate.
My mood managed to stay ok during it all, but today it is gloomy both outside and inside. I’m feeling kind of depressed and I wonder if my good cycle is coming to an end. Which would be super unfair to have it only last while I couldn’t be alone with hubby.
My FIL is still here and I’ve decided that I actually like to be alone during the day. It may get lonely sometimes but I can dress how I like, do what I like and not feel like I am constantly under someone’s gaze.
Last night the top of my back was out and hubby cracked it for me. Sadly it threw my lower back out and I couldn’t move for a good 20 mins at all. It didn’t hurt so much as it was locked. Today it is tender but definitely feeling better.
My mood has been surprisingly good despite everything. I’ve found something I thought I lost which is enjoyment. Hubby and I have been playing on the computers when we can and are having a good time doing it.
I’m still cooking every day and walking at least a mile. The diet is going fairly well despite the fact that someone has entered my lair.
Only 3 more days to go….