I finally got some good sleep last night. Apparently getting up in the middle of the night instead of just laying there for four hours or longer works. Or I was just too tired from not sleeping so many nights, who knows. I’ll do the same thing tonight if I can’t sleep and see what happens, though there is really not much to do at that time of night, I’m sure I can find something on crunchyroll or netflix to watch.
I’m still pissed that I posted so late yesterday, I suppose it’s going to take a while for it to become a habit. I think they said doing something for 21 days makes it a habit so we will see if that is true. I’m only a little over a week now.
Can’t stop yawning even though I slept well last night and had a nap this afternoon.
Right now I’m terrified of the flu. I rarely leave my house so hopefully that will keep me safe. I hate reading about it killing perfectly healthy people, because I’m overweight and likely have a shitty immune system from not being constantly exposed to things/people.
Anyhow that’s it for the day. Other than my mood which is just okay but still not depressed, so that is something.
Today I have been mostly just Okay with the occasional spot of happiness. I like that. I think I would feel even better if I could get some decent sleep. I keep waking up constantly through the night and then having a problem falling back asleep.
I’ve always had a hard time with sleeping. I can nap pretty well but a full nights sleep doesn’t happen all that often. I think it has to do with my meds to be honest.
Last night was really weird because I woke up to go to the washroom and accidentally knocked over something with liquid in it on the back of the toilet and didn’t realize it happened. The dogs started barking and I heard this weird sound and hubby sprang out of bed to check the doors. I figured out where it was coming from but not what it was for a couple minutes. That definitely got the adrenaline going. Took a long while to go to sleep after that.
I did put away some things today which honestly getting anything done is a bloody miracle. I am writing my blog too, so my days feel like I am accomplishing something. I’m glad I decided to do this.
I am in no mood to do anything. I just want to curl up in bed and stay there and sleep, dream. Get away from here.
I am getting out of bed and not just sitting there in regret and despair. I want to, don’t get me wrong but I’m not going to let myself do that to me. Know what I mean?
I’m writing my blog which is something that I haven’t felt motivated to do. I’m getting dressed instead of sitting around in my jammies all day. I’m still cooking meals every day and working on my weight loss. I’m getting involved in things to do with hubby. I am just not letting the depression control me. At least not completely.
I am sleeping until almost noon every day because I’d rather be in a dream world than the real world. I’m working on it though. I hope to be getting back up at 10am soon. Hopefully.
Today I woke up a little depressed. Saturday night I missed my Latuda by mistake and I think that has a lot to do with it. It’s amazing how missing one pill can make you feel completely sad and unmotivated.
I don’t even want to do anything fun.
Hubby and I are watching Dare Devil on Netflix. We binged watched the first 12 episodes and will be watching the last one tonight. It’s pretty good from our point of view. We stayed up until almost 4 in the morning Saturday watching it. I think that might have a lot to do with it as well.
I didn’t wake up until noon today. I could just as easily crawl back into bed too. I thought 11:00am was really pushing it but noon is really gonna mess me up. I suppose I should listen to my shrink and start setting an alarm and getting up to try and enjoy the day.
Every morning I wake up around 10:30, I try to sleep even longer but that seems to be the latest I can sleep in to. Then around 1:30-2:00pm I go and have a nap to make even more of the day go by. I’m lonely and stressed and can’t get motivated to do anything. It generally sucks.
Today to my horror I woke up at 9:00 and didn’t nap. I spent the entire day watching America’s Next Top Model. I got 1 load of laundry done. I was still lonely and stressed but I spent more of my day awake.
I’m not sure which is better, do any of you sleep just to pass the time?
My mood was ok, just ok. Better than depressed though.
I didn’t wake up until after 11:00am and I really didn’t wan to get up. I still don’t want to be up. I’m just getting dragged down into the pits of despair and don’t want to do anything at all.
I don’t even want to post this blog but there is not way in hell I am going to stop when I am 6 days from writing every day for a year.
Screw this depression.
I’m depressed, I’ve been fighting it for a while. I’ve run out of things to fight with. The positives that are going on are just not enough. I need to see my shrink, which is tomorrow thank goodness. I am sure I need a med check.
Nothing seems to work for long, at least it feels that way. I know the Latuda is working but just not enough. I wish I wasn’t alone.
I know that maybe things in the back of my head are affecting my mood, but I dont know what to do about it. I am so bored and lonely. I just want to go to sleep and dream and not get up again.
It feels like such a backslide. I want to find some positives but I just see the negatives in them. Like the house right now all I can think about is I wont be able to move in there until late February or early March. Thats so long ago.
I dont want to write or paint. I did some cleaning yesterday but I cant even get up the energy to do it. Frankly I’m just tired, so tired.
I’m sick, I have a cold, I have a Uti and frankly I am way too tired to post.
Therapy was good.
Day with MIL was good.
I’ll post picture of the hole soon, promise.
Yesterday was filled with flowers and gum drops and everything nice. I thought it would feel that high for at least few more days. Nope!
I woke up sad and grumpy and I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. So I slept a good deal of my day away. My husband was home, I could hung with his sick ass, but no I wanted to sleep.
We went out to the lot and even that couldn’t break my funk. I jut want to sob and eat and eat some more.
I talked Tom hubby about me working at phone sex again so tht I could at least make some money but he is concerned that I would have a sex drive. Currently I rally don’t have all tht much of one. I can see his concern and I also can not promise that it wouldn’t pick up. Being a domina can be very empowering.
Needless to say I need a way to make money and it’s the one thing that I feel tht I am good at. I could work 30 mins a week, making two hundred a month. I hope he’ll rally consider it. I want to be able to help gt us some stuff for the house.
I suppose he will let me know soon enough… Life is hard.