Nothing To Do

Being pretty much housebound during the day is wearing thin on me. I’m not really sure what to do with myself. I think that I’ve said that like a million times.

All I do is smoke and try to take the edge off of my stress about doing nothing.

I’m so jealous of people with jobs or school or real hobbies. I mean ya I paint but my creativity has been shit lately too.

Sounds like depression to you? I know I am still having feelings about my friend dying but it seems to be leaking into everything. I am just sad and bored.

I feel like I should be just feeling grateful for what I do have and sucking it up. So you can add guilty to the feelings I have too.

This sucks.

I’m Fucking Miserable

Yesterday was filled with flowers and gum drops and everything nice. I thought it would feel that high for at least few more days. Nope!

I woke up sad and grumpy and I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. So I slept a good deal of my day away. My husband was home, I could hung with his sick ass, but no I wanted to sleep.

We went out to the lot and even that couldn’t break my funk. I jut want to sob and eat and eat some more.

I talked Tom hubby about me working at phone sex again so tht I could at least make some money but he is concerned that I would have a sex drive. Currently I rally don’t have all tht much of one. I can see his concern and I also can not promise that it wouldn’t pick up. Being a domina can be very empowering.

Needless to say I need a way to make money and it’s the one thing that I feel tht I am good at. I could work 30 mins a week, making two hundred a month. I hope he’ll rally consider it. I want to be able to help gt us some stuff for the house.

I suppose he will let me know soon enough… Life is hard.

What To Do?

I’m bored! I’m wandering around the house. I am wandering the web. I can’t find anything to do. How am I supposed to keep myself amused for the next few days. I’m trying to figure out not only what to do with myself now but as a career.. I need to become something.

I know I am super unstable. Working traditional means is just is not going to fly with me.  I don’t want to go back to be a phone sex operator though.  The money was good but it made me feel bad about myself. I do want to make money though. I would like to be able to at least support some of my habits without hubby having to worry. He works really hard and deserves not to stress about me and my hobbies and collections.

So I’m thinking, and I’m wandering and I’m seriously bored because I can’t find anything. *sigh*

I don’t want to a be a grown woman with an allowance. That’s what is going to happen when we get the house though if I don’t find a some sort of income.. oh well.. I suppose I have some time.

I need to draw more, I need to paint more.. maybe I’ll be good. *shrug*

Not a good day.