Being pretty much housebound during the day is wearing thin on me. I’m not really sure what to do with myself. I think that I’ve said that like a million times.
All I do is smoke and try to take the edge off of my stress about doing nothing.
I’m so jealous of people with jobs or school or real hobbies. I mean ya I paint but my creativity has been shit lately too.
Sounds like depression to you? I know I am still having feelings about my friend dying but it seems to be leaking into everything. I am just sad and bored.
I feel like I should be just feeling grateful for what I do have and sucking it up. So you can add guilty to the feelings I have too.
I was never a popular kid. In fact I had very few friends because of my radical mood swings. One moment I would shy and withdrawn and the next I would be super over confident. No one knew what to make of me.
Our high school was having a walk-out because of some new rule about leaving school grounds during school hours. A few very handsome seniors came up to me before it happened and started flirting with me. Of course I was incredibly flattered and wandered outside to have a smoke with them thinking I might be getting a new boyfriend.
They had other plans for me though. They wanted me to pull the fire alarm at a specific moment to start the walk out. I guess I did have a reputation for being a bit of a bad girl. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to do these guys a favor and agreed.
It was close to the time for me to pull the alarm and I stood there nervously pacing back and forth in front of it watching the clock. I moved forward and just as my fingers were about to pull it down and break the glass it went off, literally scaring the shit out of me and emptying the classrooms. A few people saw me frozen there which made me hastily leave for home just like everyone else.
The next day the principal of the school called me into the office saying that it was me that pulled the alarm. I of course denied it as he yelled and threatened me. He even used the strap on the corner of his desk making a huge dent. He also called in the fire chief to tell me about the fines and possible jail time I might get.
The lucky thing for me when that little piece of glass breaks it leaves a invisible dye all over your fingers and as the saying goes my hands were clean.