I think that I am doing better today. I don’t have that evil little ball of rage eating my stomach up.
Last night to take care of it I had a couple margerita’s at dinner, it helped mellow me out. I can see how easy it would be to become an alcholic, I could do it easily. I know that it makes things better for a short time. So I drink a little more than normal during the holidays.
BTW for those saying lighten up. That is not something that comes naturally to me and when someone owes you 5000 dollars and then pushes you around passive agressively while spending money on crap and not making an effort to pay you back at all. I lost my feeling grateful when all that shit went down. I feel how I feel. WE never ever put her out and do all her little hints that we can to make sure she is happy. It gets to be a little much.
Okay maybe that ball is still there but it isn’t raising my blood pressure and making my eye tick anymore which is something.
I can’t wait until we get our own place so I know which feeling are natural and which are bipolar. It’s impossible to tell at the moment. All I know it most days I am depressed or angry. I didn’t want to waste my therapy money on it so now I just vent to hubby and hope for the best.
Hopefully the med increase will help calm me down.
Today was not that eventful. I woke up feeling like someone had been shoving sharp rocks down my throat all night, but other than that all I did was chill and take on one client.
Yep I decided to work for 30ish minutes a week and make a quick 200 a month. It will help out some which will make me feel less useless. Plus honestly being a phone domina can be fun. I’m naturally bossy!
As for the stress coming up, my father in law is coming into town for a week. It always turns out ok, but I still find it stressful. Even with no one coming there just a ton of stress both good and bad, mostly good I suppose. Two more days until therapy… Thank goodness!
Btw excuse the typos I write my blog on my iPad right now and it doesn’t correct poorly made sentences just the occasional misspelling.
So today my husband was told that if we made it to Omaha in 3 days as opposed to taking our time, his work would pay for the move. This would mean that I would be unable to visit with the BFF until we are settled. It would also mean we might b able to buy a home sooner.
I have to admit I am very torn. It’s close to 5k. Yet I really want to see Vany, but we are moving closer. It would only be a 10 hour drive to visit in the future. Ugh I am so frustrated right now. I am going to talk to her about it and we how she feels. Hubby wants to be happy and will go with whatever I decide.
I am still quite bitchy and this is not helping at all. It’s made me feel all stressed out. I hates stress, what are you gonna do though. Either way I will be home soon. Yay home.
Sometimes I miss being medicated.
I’m bored! I’m wandering around the house. I am wandering the web. I can’t find anything to do. How am I supposed to keep myself amused for the next few days. I’m trying to figure out not only what to do with myself now but as a career.. I need to become something.
I know I am super unstable. Working traditional means is just is not going to fly with me. I don’t want to go back to be a phone sex operator though. The money was good but it made me feel bad about myself. I do want to make money though. I would like to be able to at least support some of my habits without hubby having to worry. He works really hard and deserves not to stress about me and my hobbies and collections.
So I’m thinking, and I’m wandering and I’m seriously bored because I can’t find anything. *sigh*
I don’t want to a be a grown woman with an allowance. That’s what is going to happen when we get the house though if I don’t find a some sort of income.. oh well.. I suppose I have some time.
I need to draw more, I need to paint more.. maybe I’ll be good. *shrug*
Not a good day.