Stress

Stress Ahead + A Fricken Cold

Today was not that eventful. I woke up feeling like someone had been shoving sharp rocks down my throat all night, but other than that all I did was chill and take on one client.

Yep I decided to work for 30ish minutes a week and make a quick 200 a month. It will help out some which will make me feel less useless. Plus honestly being a phone domina can be fun. I’m naturally bossy!

As for the stress coming up, my father in law is coming into town for a week. It always turns out ok, but I still find it stressful. Even with no one coming there just a ton of stress both good and bad, mostly good I suppose. Two more days until therapy… Thank goodness!

Btw excuse the typos I write my blog on my iPad right now and it doesn’t correct poorly made sentences just the occasional misspelling.

Right On The Edge

I’m on the edge of a mood. It’s been an up and down day. My prick of an ex-brother-in-law is trying to make everyone’s life a living hell. Mostly my mom in law cause he is so fucking selfish. If I had my way he’d never get a job again and would have to live on the streets.

He and my sister in law expect my MIL to watch my nephews and niece for like 12 fucking hours a day. She in her mid 60’s and should be allowed to relax but she is too good of a woman to tell them to go fuck themselves. It’s making me seethe. At least I have a reason to be pissed for a change.

On the good news front we now have a gigantic basement sized hole on. On our lot. I’ll post pictures tomorrow. For now I’m done before I curse anymore. I’m a regular patty mcpottymouth.

Not Feeling Great

After my hair salon appointment on Thursday I wasn’t feeling great. Emotionally I was good but physically I was having some issues. Yesterday I was feeling a lot of pain and didn’t sleep very well. Today it is even worse 😦 I am a hey and nauseated and a little light headed. Definitely not fun.

Even though I felt bad we went out and went to a state park and walked in the woods, fed fish and geese, I took some no pictures I’ll put them up soon. We then headed over to the lot of model home and spent some time there daydreaming about decor and how nice having our home will be.

It really started to take a turn later in the afternoon, I did manage to go to lunch but now I feel horrible, HORRIBLE!

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night after barely sleeping an hour or so, I had a horrible anxiety attack about having a heart attack. My chest muscles are so as are the ones in my back from when I had my back cracked and I’ve been exercising more then usual. I know it’s not really going to happen but I really tend to worry about death, a lot.

The future looks positive, we are going to have a home! We are still madly in love. I am married to my best friend. So when I don’t worry messing things up I worry about dying and not seeing my dreams come true. My brain really pisses me off.

I’m not surprised that I got I’ll, I’ve been exposed to more people in the last couple of months then I have in the last four years. Bugs happen.

I Hate Being Broken

I feel like I am just hanging on the edge of breaking down. I feel so broken, little tiny minuscule cracks just waiting for that final tap to send me tinkling to the flow like the shards of crystal from a dropped wine glass. If I didn’t feel it so strongly I would feel like it is merely me waxing poetic. However it just hurts.

I have moments of clarity where happiness shines through. They are short and often followed by anger about everything in my life. Only my wonderful husband and my house being built keep me going each day.

I don’t know what to do with myself or what to be. I feel like it is going to be a very long 6 months and I’m not entirely sure if I will make it. I’m just taking it day by day hoping that nothing pushes me to the point where I completely freak out on someone or something.

One day I will sit down and write all the things that are irking me for now, I will just say in miss music. I hear it now and often cry because I can’t listen to it the way I did when I was in my own home. I hated that apartment but I was at least free to be me.

This feels like prison!