Day 7

Well last night about 4am I woke up with almost a migraine headache. Then my nose was running this morning. I think I am getting a head cold. No chills or fevers so not worried about the flu. I can deal with a head cold and if the head ache is because of the withdrawal I can deal with that too. I do have some body aches but they are slight.

My mood today was good but I was super tired I slept until 1:30pm then went back to have a nap at 4:00pm I was just so tired. I still feel tired. Course getting woken up before 8 in the morning every day is super new for me and is going to take some adjusting.  Honestly so far I am not seeing a difference without the rexulti. That may prove to be different, we’ll see.

I was told Havanese were really barky. It’s damn true. She barks and barks and barks, and right now it’s this high pitched thing which sometimes sounds like someone is testing the fire alarm. I knew what I was getting into. Right now because I am not downstairs she is barking for me to come back. I’m secretly happy as that means she is attached to me and I really wanted one of the dogs to be like that. I could do without the barking though.

Not much else to say other than I won’t be writing my blog stoned again, or at least not as stoned as I was because it really took me forever to write a damn blog post.

Til Tomorrow.


I Should Be Counting

I should be counting he days that I am miserable. I know I had a good day or two but mostly they have all been depressive.

My husband wants me to try this herbal supplement that helps with depression. I mean I tried ETC so why wouldn’t I try some herbal shit right? Might as well try them all.

I did accomplish something today though and that was making dinner. Not a huge accomplishment but one none-the-less.

I have been reading and just trying not to go back to bed and dream. I love dreaming, good things happen there and weird things and even bad things but none of them feel as bad as I do when I’m awake.

I’m really tired of this shit.

How Do You Ignore It

How do you ignore feeling emotionally and physically sick?

You can’t. You just have to sit in it and hope it will end at some point.

Will it? I don’t know anymore.

I’m tired. So fucking tired..

Trying to do things to keep my mind occupied.  It’s not helping my brain is all up in my business… Fucking brain.. hate it.


I Didn’t Post Yesterday

I was exhausted and by the time I realized that I hadn’t posted my blog I was way to tired to make it all the way up the stairs and wait for the computer to start.

I also really truly had nothing to say. My mood was the same from the day before and the only thing that had changed was my clothes. No wait I was still in my jammies from the day before so not even that changed.

Today I woke up and did yoga. I unpacked a couple more boxes and went out to a few stores with hubby to get some essentials. Today was worth getting on the blog for.

I’m still taking the wellbutrin and pristiq and latuda. I don’t know if they are making much of a difference. Right now it doesn’t feel like it. I suppose getting things done and going out is better than laying in bed all day though right?

At Home Again

The drive home was good, nothing special happened and we made it home safe and sound. I had a good day and my mood was good.

I am however exhausted and can’t find my laptop wifi thingy to really be able to write on my blog so I am gonna keep it short.

Once again, loved seeing my BFF it made the whole trip worth it. She felt so good to hug. This is what family (good family) feels.

Now I”m Sick

On top of the emotional turmoil of the last few days I am now sick. I have another damn cold or the flu. Overnight I developed a sore throat, stuffy nose and I am sure that it is only going to get worse as I am developing a fricken headache as I write this.

A normal non happening day would be very welcomed. I’m not gonna write much because I really feel like crap.

On an emotional level I am pretty level though. Not sad which is good. Not happy but just even..

I’m So Miserable

I’m depressed, I’ve been fighting it for a while. I’ve run out of things to fight with. The positives that are going on are just not enough. I need to see my shrink, which is tomorrow thank goodness. I am sure I need a med check.

Nothing seems to work for long, at least it feels that way. I know the Latuda is working but just not enough. I wish I wasn’t alone.

I know that maybe things in the back of my head are affecting my mood, but I dont know what to do about it. I am so bored and lonely. I just want to go to sleep and dream and not get up again.

It feels like such a backslide. I want to find some positives but I just see the negatives in them. Like the house right now all I can think about is I wont be able to move in there until late February or early March. Thats so long ago.

I dont want to write or paint. I did some cleaning yesterday but I cant even get up the energy to do it. Frankly I’m just tired, so tired.

Back and Forth

My mood is so all over the place.

I was in a good mood today my animes arrived in the mail and I was so happy to start watching them. I cried when. The opening and closing credits for each episode. They were tears of happiness though.

Hubby came home, he was at the clinic and has bronchitis the poor man. Yet no one could make decisions about dinner and it sent me off on a tirade about picking out food. I was so pissed.

Admitted I had talked to my daughter for a few minutes. It was good but still seemed to connect to my getting my hackles rised.

Right now I would just like to take hubby to a hotel, snuggle in bed and watching some anime while he heals.

Yet the reality is I will be watching alone and he will be sick at work. Spreading his sickness amongst his co- workers as opposed to laying in bed where his ass should be.

Hopefully my cold continues to get better, I don’t want part of that crap.

I would like to just be happy. Also been raining all day and I haven’t been out of the house but for a minute. I need out of the prison once a day at least.

Need to buy a UV therapy light soon. Any suggestions??

Feeling Like Hell

I’m sick, I have a cold, I have a Uti and frankly I am way too tired to post.

Therapy was good.

Day with MIL was good.

I’ll post picture of the hole soon, promise.

Night night.

Blog Splog

I don’t feel like writing, finding out my best friends cancer isn’t improving by reading her blog has put me in a foul mood and I can’t think of anything to say. My bipolarity and mood swings seem to be kind of trivial at the moment.

I see my shrink and therapist tomorrow, I’ll let ya know how it goes ……