I woke up a little pissy but it was because I only slept 2 hours at a time last night concerned the puppy was going to pee on the bed. She is pretty much pad trained but hasn’t learned that the bed is not the place to pee and she has peed on two different comforters, still way better than her sister Lilly who just pees wherever she wants. I bought this little faux grass thing that sits beside the door and she uses it a lot too. I’m so impressed with how smart she is.
Later in the day my mood improved and so far I am not feeling any side effects from the withdrawal except maybe a little more anxiety. I can handle it though, I’ve had anxiety since I gave birth and that was about 32 years ago. Have a mentioned I have a gorgeous grandson that is not quite two yet? Anyhow that is off topic. I have always had anxiety attacks about breathing. Which when your nose is plugged from allergies is even worse. Like I said I can handle it though, I am stronger than my anxiety.
Now if I could just get out of the house more but honestly I am terrified of the flu. It’s so bad this year and my immune system is not that great since I am rarely exposed to other people. I’ve been lucky so far and I’d like to keep it that way. So I’ll avoid going out for now. I do have to see my shrink on the 5th of February but what are you going to do right?
Anyhow that’s it for today.
I finally got some good sleep last night. Apparently getting up in the middle of the night instead of just laying there for four hours or longer works. Or I was just too tired from not sleeping so many nights, who knows. I’ll do the same thing tonight if I can’t sleep and see what happens, though there is really not much to do at that time of night, I’m sure I can find something on crunchyroll or netflix to watch.
I’m still pissed that I posted so late yesterday, I suppose it’s going to take a while for it to become a habit. I think they said doing something for 21 days makes it a habit so we will see if that is true. I’m only a little over a week now.
Can’t stop yawning even though I slept well last night and had a nap this afternoon.
Right now I’m terrified of the flu. I rarely leave my house so hopefully that will keep me safe. I hate reading about it killing perfectly healthy people, because I’m overweight and likely have a shitty immune system from not being constantly exposed to things/people.
Anyhow that’s it for the day. Other than my mood which is just okay but still not depressed, so that is something.
I don’t know what is going on with me but my whole body aches. I feel okay other than that. Well I’m also feeling the cold a little more than usual. I think I might be coming down with a flu or something. Maybe it’s just cause I’m in horrible shape and haven’t moved around a lot lately.
I got my phone replaced so I can go back to playing Pokemon and getting some walking in.
I am very lucky that my husband is going to have a four day weekend and I am looking forward to spending that time with him. Wow finally released it’s new expansion so I imagine that we will be spending a lot of time doing that. Honestly if my computer chair didn’t suck balls I could do that all day. I hope he doesn’t mind taking breaks!
I find myself wandering around my house every day trying to find something to do that will make me happy. I didn’t realize it right away but I am depressed. I mean considering what has happened I am not surprised. I’ve also been messing my meds up. Missing days here and there.
Day 3 without smoking. I’m not quitting I’m just trying to take the time to heal I need without feeling altered.
I am feeling slightly better today and I hope that means that things are on the upswing. I can’t do much about the depression or the illness but I can try and ride them out gracefully.
Anyone else gotten this crappy stomach bug?
I’ve had some kind of stomach virus for close to a week and it feels horrible. I’m sore and achey and really just want to go back to the day where I felt ok. Just ok would be amazing.
It helps with my weight loss though. I think I can find better ways to deal with that honestly. Like eating good food. All I’ve had over the past week is crackers and ginger ale.
I’m on my second day without smoking anything. It helps a lot with the nausea but you know if you can’t eat when high that you are really and truly sick.
My mood is what I like to call sucky. You know where you just want to crawl into the lap of someone who loves you and be held? Ya that.
I’m working on writing more. Every other day so far. I hope to get back to posting every day again. It helps with well everything to be able to vent and know you have support.
On top of the emotional turmoil of the last few days I am now sick. I have another damn cold or the flu. Overnight I developed a sore throat, stuffy nose and I am sure that it is only going to get worse as I am developing a fricken headache as I write this.
A normal non happening day would be very welcomed. I’m not gonna write much because I really feel like crap.
On an emotional level I am pretty level though. Not sad which is good. Not happy but just even..
Last night I ended up puking my guts out. Maybe too much info but needless to say my physical feelings overtook my emotional ones quickly.
I’ve spent the entire day mostly just trying to chill out and keep what little food i put into me down. I didn’t have time to stress about signing the contract tomorrow and I’m not gonna do it now either.
My mom in law has fricken shingles. I hope she doesn’t pass that shit over to me because that would suck big hairy nutsacks.
I’m going to head to bed. Sorry I’m not writing a deeply in-depth post but i just need some sleep.
Another day with no lithium and my flu is feeling better. The constant need to pee is almost gone and I sorta slept last night.
Tonight hubby went out to dinner with the people from work, it happens every 3 months or so and usually I can handle it ok. Tonight though he was at this incredible restaurant on the ocean and it looked so romantic. (He was taking pictures) it started setting off my insecurities. I’m going to voice them here because I know they are ridicuous but need to get them off my chest.
1) He is ‘seeing’ someone from work. This person lives in Omaha so that is why he even brought up us moving back there.
2) While saying that the move would be good for me, we will be spending less time to together. I worry he will be more out of touch.
3)I think he’s a god so everyone else will right?
honestly these things seem even more stupid typed out. It’s the way my brain works though. I think that if I get some therapy I will learn to realize that he loves me and that’s why he is nice to me not because he is guilty of some crime.
My flu has gotten worse of all damn things, I’m giving up the lithium until this thing is gone. Haven’t had a bug like this in years. It’s causing me a lot of problems without having to worry about driing a ton of water then peeing constantly so I can sleep/rest to get well. I just feel that bad.
in good news though we found out we get to move to Omaha at the end of June so we will be back in time for dah dah dah…. Fourth of July! The gathering of people we know combined with good food and fireworks!!! Yayyyyyyy
Can you tell I’m excited? As soon as hubby told me I ordered boxes and bubble wrap and started gathering things very slowly.. Basically I got two loads of laundry done then fell asleep watching Frozen cause it exhausted the hell out of me, but I am thrilled.
I’m sure mom in law will be even more thrilled. When she read the card she literally screamed. Wish I had thought to record that. Anyhow that was my days, toodles