In The 90’s

It so hot here right now it is in the 90’s going to hit over 100 with the humidex. ugh That means if I wanted to go out not gonna happen. I only like to go to outdoor things, I hate indoors I always feel so trapped.

Hubby is home which is good at least it gives me someone to talk to when I am wandering around trying to find something to do because I ran out of weed again.. sigh. Gonna be a long week.

I can feel that I am restless and today is going to be challenging for me to find things to do. I need to start showing an interest in more of the house work, that could kill 30 mins or so.

Just doesn’t feel like a hope filled day, hopefully that will change.

Stumbling Around

I find myself wandering around my house every day trying to find something to do that will make me happy. I didn’t realize it right away but I am depressed. I mean considering what has happened I am not surprised. I’ve also been messing my meds up. Missing days here and there.

Day 3 without smoking. I’m not quitting I’m just trying to take the time to heal I need without feeling altered.

I am feeling slightly better today and I hope that means that things are on the upswing. I can’t do much about the depression or the illness but I can try and ride them out gracefully.

Anyone else gotten this crappy stomach bug?

Fidget, Fidget

Today my mood is better which is a good thing because I am so fucking bored. I am beginning to wish that I drove. There is nothing to walk to near way I am. It’s like the middle of no where. The lake is pretty but it’s frozen and I don’t know how to skate.

When we get into our house there are a few things in biking distance and a lot more thing being built that I will be able to walk to. Plus I’ll have my stuff so I won’t be bored to death. I’ve been drawing a little but I really want to paint. I’m tired of not having access or ability to do the things that bring me happiness.

It’s day in and day out of TV. I can’t even seem to get into reading. The floor is disgusting so I can’t do yoga. ARGHHH!
At least being pissed because I’m bored is better than being pissed for no reason.

Again this is also really lonely. I’ve been talking to hubby on AIM, tried to get a hold of my BFF but she has a lot going on in her life so I only get to talk to her a bit here and there. I’m just glad she is in my life. Wish we lived closer.

She reminds me that life is worth living, even if you are bored senseless.

Boredom or Joy

I realized something lately whenever I am doing something that I think I will enjoy and actually bored with I get really damn sleepy. You might think this would be a good thing at night since it should put me to sleep. It doesn’t though just makes me drag ass low down head hanging over the keyboard sleep.

Now you can tell from that sentence that being on my computer makes me bored. Were I not moving in 33 days 10 hours I would be using my Photoshop and tablet to create, I still might try it but I feel that I don’t have the time to put into it I should. My good camera would be awesome to use if it were not so incredibly inconvenient to sink up to my computer. I might use it anyhow. Maybe I can talk hubby into buying me a memory card port thingy. Honestly creating anything is the only thing that gives me joy right now.

BTW I don’t know how the whole sleep and boredom works on an evolutionary scale but it seems like the bored would die.  UNFAIR!

I imagine factory workers are sleep all the damn time. Why do accidents happen? BOREDOM!

Okay that is my rant for the day. While writing this I convinced hubby to take me and get a memory card reader so I can take better photos, the iPhone is not bad but you can’t really do distance or closeness in any decent way. Maybe I’ll keep my tablet out a little while longer and do some designing. I just need to stop trying to play my computer games because they hold no joy for me at all.

On the mood front I am still a little agitated but I am just going to suck it up and deal with it until it goes away and I go insane.. I get my blood done tomorrow morning so next week I should hear some news on my levels. As long as most of this shit gets taken care of before we leave I will be fine.

Must enjoy life, must pack, must not let this get to me.