I am missing my computer. It had my photoshop and music and my photography all on y computer. I miss my stuff. I am going to be painting today I think. I need to use my creativity. It makes me feel good.
I am setting up a chiropractor appt because something hurts in my upper back and I want to start working out again. I need to work on my physical attributes. Losing weight will help me feel better and it will make me look better and all of that will help me mentally I think.
I am curious what my doctors will think to do with me medicinally. Things can’t stay the way they are. I need to move forward. I have had some happy moments which is good. Those weren’t happening that often before.
After I get to working out and get my back fixed I am thinking of going out more.. We went to the movies once already which was something for me and I want to go back and see tmnt. I think it will be cut, but maybe three is a horror movie playing whichever be even better..
I had basically decided that I was not giving to go to my appt tomorrow but when I called and canceled I got a call back from Marty a nurse that works in the office. She was concerned and didn’t want me to quick unit they had a chance to work.
I told her I was terrified and having a lot of anxiety. She told me they wouldn’t let me die. I’m gonna hold her to that.
Waiting for hubby to come home so that I can have my last meal of the day. I’m not sure what I am having yet. Hopefully this weekend will allow my brain to become more focused and less anxious. I have a feeling that will take a while though.
Am I less depressed? Dunno too damned anxious.. Ugh
I realized something lately whenever I am doing something that I think I will enjoy and actually bored with I get really damn sleepy. You might think this would be a good thing at night since it should put me to sleep. It doesn’t though just makes me drag ass low down head hanging over the keyboard sleep.
Now you can tell from that sentence that being on my computer makes me bored. Were I not moving in 33 days 10 hours I would be using my Photoshop and tablet to create, I still might try it but I feel that I don’t have the time to put into it I should. My good camera would be awesome to use if it were not so incredibly inconvenient to sink up to my computer. I might use it anyhow. Maybe I can talk hubby into buying me a memory card port thingy. Honestly creating anything is the only thing that gives me joy right now.
BTW I don’t know how the whole sleep and boredom works on an evolutionary scale but it seems like the bored would die. UNFAIR!
I imagine factory workers are sleep all the damn time. Why do accidents happen? BOREDOM!
Okay that is my rant for the day. While writing this I convinced hubby to take me and get a memory card reader so I can take better photos, the iPhone is not bad but you can’t really do distance or closeness in any decent way. Maybe I’ll keep my tablet out a little while longer and do some designing. I just need to stop trying to play my computer games because they hold no joy for me at all.
On the mood front I am still a little agitated but I am just going to suck it up and deal with it until it goes away and I go insane.. I get my blood done tomorrow morning so next week I should hear some news on my levels. As long as most of this shit gets taken care of before we leave I will be fine.
Must enjoy life, must pack, must not let this get to me.