Thanks Marty

I had basically decided that I was not giving to go to my appt tomorrow but when I called and canceled I got a call back from Marty a nurse that works in the office. She was concerned and didn’t want me to quick unit they had a chance to work.

I told her I was terrified and having a lot of anxiety. She told me they wouldn’t let me die. I’m gonna hold her to that.

Waiting for hubby to come home so that I can have my last meal of the day. I’m not sure what I am having yet. Hopefully this weekend will allow my brain to become more focused and less anxious. I have a feeling that will take a while though.

Am I less depressed? Dunno too damned anxious.. Ugh

Session Two Down

I’ve made it through my second session. I had a heck of a headache afterwards but it has started to clean up and just be a dull ache in the back of my head.

I didn’t know if I would go through with it but sometimes I surprise even myself.

This time they gave me a physical, it was supposed to happen last time but somehow it got over looked. I think most of the people that work there have been exposed to the ECT a little long. They are really nice though.

The PA who did my physical and I had a conversation about mania and people purposely cycling to become manic. Apparently this damages the brain though. I’ve only purposely cycled a couple times and honestly have forgotten how I did it.

If I am lucky I won’t have my extreme mania after these sessions. One again I am not 100% sure if I am going to go again. I jut haven’t made up mind. The fact that I am terrified of dying is really not helping though.

Make no promises, let no one down!


Ali I am sitting here at the hospital waiting for my appt and it’s already gone an hour over. They are really behind. I am lucky my husband is here to keep me distracted or else I would be going postal.

I feel bad when I laugh at something he says or does or even smiles, everyone looks so miserable here. I know right this moment is not bad for me but most of the time it is. They don’t know that though.

I dunno how long I’ll be waiting but t least I came. I’ll try to let you know how it goes.