Today we got our shelving and dressers and I could finally get rid of the last of the boxes. I thought that I would be thrilled and for a few minutes as I looked around I was.
I then realized I had nothing to do. I can’t do laundry until our washer and dryer come Tuesday and I can’t really make much food wise until the fridge gets here.
Plus it doesn’t feel like home. I know it will eventually but right now it feels like a house with our stuff and some new stuff put into it. I am sure some of you understand that.
I should be used to this feeling. I’ve moved a lot in my life. Used to amount to about 1 new place every year and a half but now it feels wrong.
I know part of it is the depression and part of it is the adjustment. I’ll deal with it I always do.
Tomorrow we move into our new house and we’ll be spending the next week unpacking and getting things set up.
I’ll have internet on Saturday so if I’m not completely exhausted I will try and post then but no promises.
Anyhow off to finish the last of the packing….. see you soon!
I just keep worrying about everything. Tomorrow it is supposed to snow .5 to 2 inches and we have bald tires on the car and the next day we need to close on the house and it’s making my stomach hurt thinking about something messing up.
Originally I was just concerned about my social anxiety but now everrything has become a stressor. We’ve had everything set to be delivered in an orderly fashion. We’ve had things set to be set up as long as everything goes according to plan. One dominoe could fuck up the entire thing. UGH.
Why does my brain have to be like this? My husband is so flipping calm. I don’t know how he can be but he just doesn’t stress like me and it drives me bloody bananas.
Just one more day to go and hopefully everything will go ok. If it does I won’t be posting for a couple of days but I think that is a good enough reason to miss posting.
I’m supposed to be happy. I’m supposed to be thrilled that we are closing in 3 days. I’m supposed to finally be able to relax.
I’m so stressed out. The whatif’s are killing me. What if we can’t get to the closing? What if we don’t find out what the check we are supposed to bring is? What if there is bad weather and it messes everything up?
That and a whole bunch more sillier smaller things that are just constantly keeping my mind in constant rotation. It won’t fucking shut up, it’s just thrumming with whatif’s.
It’s made today a not so great day.
I forced myself to go out for dinner though even though I want to curl up in fetal postition and hide. I have to keep pushing myself.
Maybe tomorrow will be calmer but tonight I am going to seek out my husbands arms and let him hold me until I sleep or cry/
Last night I accidently posted my blog to my real life facebook.. ugh
Luckily it was a happy post and I don’t think most people noticed. Honestly it could have been so much worse.
Today has been a good day moodwise. I got some packing done and went out to visit the house so we could show MIL how it looks.
My iPad died because I forgot to charge it so my post was a little late tonight but at least I am still getting it done.
Today I woke up in a good mood. It was the day we did our demonstration walk-thru through the house. At first I was anxious but the 2 hours passed swiftly and it made me feel warmed through knowing in 6 days I will own my own home again.
I’ve just been generally up today but not a high up, more of a general happiness. It is nice to be able to tell the difference between regular good mood and a manic high. I usually can’t tell the difference and just go along with wherever the mood takes me.
I am hoping the pristiq is what is making the difference. It seems to be doing something, the depression didn’t last as long.
Next shrink appt she is doing the saliva test to see what meds will work best for me so that is going to put a different spin on my treatment.
I’m going to watch Grimm now. Love this show.
My mood has picked up some. Enough that I was able to go out and see the house and enjoy it. It’s pretty much done and it was glorious to be able to lay on the carpeted floors and see all the shinies everywhere.
I’m feeling a little weird. I think it is because of a caffinated tylenol I took. I gave up caffiene several months ago and now it seems I am very sensitive to it. Maybe it is because of the pristiq, who knows.
I’m not gonna give it up because I am feeling weird. I am mildly hopeful that it is going to help me.
Anyhow off to watch some T.V. with hubby..
Almost forgot to post. How can someone who has been posting every day forget?
My brain is so filled with depression and stress that I am not thinking clearly. I am worried about everything for the house going smoothly. 16 more days to go and I’ll be in my own home but my mind can’t help but think of all the things that could go wrong before then.
I went to my shrink today and she’s decided to add pristiq to my other meds, apparently it works really well with latuda so hopefully I will start to see a change for the better soon.
Today I ended up going back to bed and sleeping most of my day away, all I can hope for is to be more up tomorrow then today. I know it could get worse but I hope it doesn’t.
It’s been a very busy day and I almost forgot to take my pills and do my blog for the day. I think I would have been angry at myself had that happened.
Today I was in a good mood. I spent a lot of time out of the house. We had lunch and went shopping for some furniture for the house. I gotta admit I loved the thrill of shopping period, let alone knowing how we were decorating the houes early.
We also took mom in law shopping for a new computer. That will either make things easier cause this one will be able to play games or harder because she will want to spend more time on it. We are only here for less 2 weeks and 5 more days then we will be in our own home and I’ll be able to control everything lol.
Other than those things not much else happened. Tomorrow we may do some more shopping for the house. I hope so, it’s really enjoyable and it makes everything feel much more real.
I hate depression. It makes my body ache, my heart ache and my brain ache. I have absolutely no motivation.
I want an ice cream sandwich and hubby said he would get me one after he made his lunch. He suggested that I get it myself as it might make me feel better about eating it. I just whined that I didn’t want to move like a fricken spoiled child. Yet that is the way I feel.
I don’t want to do anything. Not for myself or anyone else. I just want to sulk on the couch. I guess that is better than going back to bed though. I’ve been fighting that for a few hours as well.
We took our dogs out to the house so they could run around, I felt a little joy at their happiness of being able to run around but it didn’t hold on long enough.
i know I eat my emotions, that’s why I’m fat.. Ah screw it, I’m just gonna try and eat until I feel better. Is this an eating disorder? Over eating?