The new insurance company is giving us a hassle about the Rexulti I take and to pay for it out of pocket would be 900 dollars a month. This mixture of meds that my doc has me on is finally working, I don’t want to have to change it. I’m so pissed off right now. I’m down to 3 pills and I’m waiting for my shrink to get back to me about samples or getting the meds approved. I hate waiting and especially when things are this close to being out. I don’t know what the withdrawal symptoms will be but I know just going off a med it a bad idea. We’ve all done it.
Other than that stress my mood is pretty good. I haven’t been smoking any weed and just living each day. I haven’t quit I just wanted to make sure that I am getting the most of of my medications. In Feb I’ll start smoking again and see if that effects how my mood is. If it turns out to be a bad thing I’ll just quit. I mean I managed to make it through the holidays without weed or alcohol so I imagine I can do anything if I put my mind to it. Though there is nothing like smoking some weed putting on the headphones and just chilling. I tried it without the weed and it was still good but I enjoy it more with.
Anyhow that’s it for today!
Today I woke up and I was feeling OK. Not great, not even good really, just OK.
Right now I have a headache from hell though so I’m not going to write very much.
Maybe the mood means I’m coming back around, not going to hold my breath though. Last time I thought that it didn’t happen. Maybe it’s never going to happen again.. I don’t know I’m feeling kind of negative about the whole positive thing. Weird I know.
Damn my head hurts.
Today I have spent most of my day upstairs watching my typical TV shows and just trying to maintain a sense of normality.
I still feel emotionally like shit. I feel physically shitty too.. it sucks. Things just suck right now. Trying so hard not to give up and just stay in my bed. It’s hard though.
Life is hard.
Yesterday I went to my therapists and I found myself struggling to find something to actually talk about. I know as bipolars talk therapy is beneficial and will have us with our recovery. Bah recovery seems like the wrong word. We don’t ever truly get better it’s more like parts of us go into remission if we are lucky.
I find when I am in a good place none of the bad stuff really stands out. The same goes for when I am in a bad place, none of the good really stands out. Should I try for therapy when I am only in a bad place. I think that would be very difficult, considering I can’t even get in to see her again until late May.
I’ve been enjoying life more lately. Keeping my house sparkling clean, cooking meals every night, doing laundry and dishes as they need to be done instead of letting them build up. I’m playing games on the computer with my husband again and it feels really good. I’m also trying to get in at least a mile every single day and am losing weight.
I know the depression is going to come again but I’m trying to avoid thinking about that and just stay in the moment.
Today was not a bad day. My mood was a little better and I managed to get quite a bit accomplished.
The house is starting to look like a house. There are some pictures on the walls and shelves getting filled. I can’t wait for Saturday when we get the last of the shelves and bedroom furniture. Tuesday the appliances come and I’ll be able to get the rest of the clothing washed and put away and maybe then I can get on to cleaning the floor. it’s so dusty.
At least I am feeling motivated. Time for sleep now though. Hubby goes back to work tomorrow so it will be my first real day here alone. That will take some getting used to. I think I can do it though.
This weekend I’ve gotten almost everything packed. I just really have clothes and maybe one or two boxes to pack and I will be done for Thursday.
This is what the mess looks like…
I think we are really going to pack the uhaul we are renting. I can’t believe we are so close to moving day.
I have to admit I lay in bed for two hours this afternoon having some anxiety about the move and all the unpacking I will have to do. I tend to worry about every single thing so it passed like all the other things do.
My mood has been awesome though. I’m managing to stay up, seriously hoping it is the pristiq helping.
I’m excited to see how each day goes moving forward. Tomorrow will be another test as I will be home alone. Though I have found the guilty pleasure of watching TV shows I wouldn’t normally.
Here’s hoping it’s a good day.
My mood today has been both up and down. My anxiety seems to be worse than it has been. I am not sure if it is the pristiq or just the fact that there are a lot of stressful things going on right now.
My MIL brings up packing every single day and it is starting to stress me out about doing it. I have a plan in place and it’s really not any of her buisness how I plan on doing it, but there is something said that makes me want to pull my hair out. Today her suggestion was to pack up and put our stuff in the garage. No flipping way that garage is gross I don’t want my stuff sitting out there getting moist and stinky.
I went to lunch today even though my anxiety wanted me to run the other way. I was uncomfortable the whole time and really couldn’t eat. The pristiq seems to be changing the way I feel hunger and the way I want to eat. Actually for the better cause I don’t get as hungry and can’t seem to eat all my food. So maybe I’ll start losing weight again.
Either way tomorrow will be interesting. It will prove if the being alone is really influencing my depression. I hope not cause there is no changing it.
My mood has picked up some. Enough that I was able to go out and see the house and enjoy it. It’s pretty much done and it was glorious to be able to lay on the carpeted floors and see all the shinies everywhere.
I’m feeling a little weird. I think it is because of a caffinated tylenol I took. I gave up caffiene several months ago and now it seems I am very sensitive to it. Maybe it is because of the pristiq, who knows.
I’m not gonna give it up because I am feeling weird. I am mildly hopeful that it is going to help me.
Anyhow off to watch some T.V. with hubby..
I started my new med and I am in a little better mood today. I don’t think that one has to do anything with the other but I at least feel ok after taking the pills, not having too many adverse side-effects.
I’m starting to get a little antsy about being alone here. I want to be able to get out but hubby is working late today and I am not going to be able to get out today. In fact it looks like I won’t get out of here until Friday.
They apparently put the carpet in so they really only have the finishings to do in the house, 15 days until move in.
Least I get to go shopping for appliances this week, I do like shopping, it always gives me a wonderful high. It’s a trigger for hypo-mania. I don’t mind that at all.
Today my husband came home early after a day of throwing up at work. Poor baby. It’s impossible for me to care for him since there is nothing I can do. It’s frustrating. I want him to feel better.
My mood is right in the middle. I’m actually not feeling that well myself, I have a feeling the stomach bug is making it’s rounds again. Yay. It’s hard to tell if it is my mood or circumstance. That’s the funny things with moods.
Makes for a not in the mood to do anything even write my blog kind of thing. It’s even more important to write those days I think. This is good reinforced behaviour. I am still thinking about what I am gonna start as a year long habit come nerw years. Like a resolution but something that sticks. haha.