negative

I’m OK

Today I woke up and I was feeling OK. Not great, not even good really, just OK.

Right now I have a headache from hell though so I’m not going to write very much.

Maybe the mood means I’m coming back around, not going to hold my breath though. Last time I thought that it didn’t happen. ┬áMaybe it’s never going to happen again.. I don’t know I’m feeling kind of negative about the whole positive thing. Weird I know.

Damn my head hurts.

 

Negativity

My husband says all my posts on my writing blog have been negative as of late. Maybe they seem negative but they are really just realistic. He is an optimist, one of the few things that annoys me. I am bipolar I see black and white, I don’t see grey. Things will either be good or bad not in between. The days I have to write meh, are annoying.

I’ve decided to put off the ECT until after the move. It was stressing me out and my husband has to go on a business trip which would be likely right in the middle of treatment. I don’t want to resent him. I most certainly would. I am going to have everything set up so I can get it done when I get home. It also gives me some time to do more research. I could talk to them about it but I like having a lot of questions.

I admit it is scary though, reading the side effects. I’m not worry about what they are doing, but I am scared of death. I know the stats are low, but I need to work past it. Am I using my husband as an excuse, I kind of wish I was but it honestly wouldn’t work. I’m frustrated as I wish they had of called a month before. It could have made all the difference in the world. Now I have to wait.

I am bitchy today, I haven’t been out of the house yet and I am extremely antsy. I have no place to go but I sure as fuck don’t want to be here. I don’t know how many times I have stated that I HATE this apartment.

Anyhow, until tomorrow or later or whatever..