My husband says all my posts on my writing blog have been negative as of late. Maybe they seem negative but they are really just realistic. He is an optimist, one of the few things that annoys me. I am bipolar I see black and white, I don’t see grey. Things will either be good or bad not in between. The days I have to write meh, are annoying.
I’ve decided to put off the ECT until after the move. It was stressing me out and my husband has to go on a business trip which would be likely right in the middle of treatment. I don’t want to resent him. I most certainly would. I am going to have everything set up so I can get it done when I get home. It also gives me some time to do more research. I could talk to them about it but I like having a lot of questions.
I admit it is scary though, reading the side effects. I’m not worry about what they are doing, but I am scared of death. I know the stats are low, but I need to work past it. Am I using my husband as an excuse, I kind of wish I was but it honestly wouldn’t work. I’m frustrated as I wish they had of called a month before. It could have made all the difference in the world. Now I have to wait.
I am bitchy today, I haven’t been out of the house yet and I am extremely antsy. I have no place to go but I sure as fuck don’t want to be here. I don’t know how many times I have stated that I HATE this apartment.
Anyhow, until tomorrow or later or whatever..
I think it’s good that you are posting what you are thinking and how you feel, given that as BiPolar we sometimes wear a mask for the world to see that makes us look like we are fine and that all is good when it’s not. It’s better out of your head. And connecting with our peers on the internet can give us some support that cannot be obtained from those who have not experienced the cognitive processes what we go through.
Keep it real!!!
I tried the positive thing… It’s highly overrated. I say blog how you feel, and if that’s “negative” then so be it. Writing helps you sort out the emotions.
You describe my husband to a tee. WhOoen he starts falling down his rabbit hole I try EVERYTHING to get him out. It kills me to see him so depressed and shut down and missing time he can’t get back(especially with the kids). I’m sorry you are going through the same thing.
I can hear where you are coming from. when its black it is black and nothing can pull you out of it. wish you pleasant days ahead