I am annoyed. No I’m beyond annoyed. Everything is ticking me off and I have no patience. I wanted to throw my laptop across the room because it isn’t loading properly. People are saying stupid ass shit, which makes me want to say mean ass shit. Grrrr.
I had a pleasant day earlier, went out grocery shopping and had lunch at olive garden. Then I bought a new cute pink purse and wallet. After that it all went to shit. Plus I think I am getting another head cold. So I don’t know what is setting me off.. Just general annoyance, lithium or who fricken knows.
Anyhow, can’t make a decision after one day whether lithium is for me, I just know I have to be careful because I am sensitive to medications..
The house smells like Christmas, the lights have gone up and the tree is standing. MIL is cooking a spiral ham and it just has a nice warm feel to it. I’m surprised usually anything christmasy makes me a little sad to downright depressed.
It seems I might have come out of my depressive state. (I hate saying it cause I feel like it jinx’s me) Hubby and I went to the house and took our dogs. We let them off leash and they ran around enjoying having so much space to run in. It was absolutely adorable.
I did wake up grumpy this morning, but that seems to be my usual waking state. I’m not a morning person. By the time I fully open my eyes a gazillion thoughts have ran through my head and it usually just makes me want to stay in bed. It’s those whatif’s and oh gods..
I seriously thought this morning I couldn’t go through another day like every other day, yet my mood picked up and it has been fairly happy. *shrug* I don’t get why my brain thinks that way it does, I just know that it is my worst enemy and I need to fight it every day. Today I won. Yesterday I won. I wonder how tomorrow will go….
I realize that the moods are going to vary. We are human and I feel that us bipolars are just way more passionate about everything we feel. So much so that we need to be medicated!!!
I was screaming at hubby today as we left to go and try to find a movie to watch. What was I screaming about, I have no damn clue anymore. However a sentence that I said during it caused me to shut up and start bawling. That sentence was …. You know something bad is going to happen right?
A lot of good thing have been happening, I don’t deal well with thing going well and it seems to be causing some mania. As I think about that wonderful high day I had it was definitely was hypo mania. Sure I was happy but I was thrumming with it. It was electric.
I can’t seem to find a level point.
Hubby and I Have decided that I would take on one client for now and see how it goes. I never really thought about it being a trigger for hyper-sexuality, thank you Kitt, that is something I really need to keep an eye on that if I actually get a client.
Thank you to everyone who comments! I’ve mentioned before that I am horrible at responding to comments and then I get to a point where I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings if I forgot to respond. I try to be sensitive.
However you guys are amazing and supportive and I you touch my heart and give me hope when tiffs ad feeling pretty hopeless. Thank you so much.
My husband says all my posts on my writing blog have been negative as of late. Maybe they seem negative but they are really just realistic. He is an optimist, one of the few things that annoys me. I am bipolar I see black and white, I don’t see grey. Things will either be good or bad not in between. The days I have to write meh, are annoying.
I’ve decided to put off the ECT until after the move. It was stressing me out and my husband has to go on a business trip which would be likely right in the middle of treatment. I don’t want to resent him. I most certainly would. I am going to have everything set up so I can get it done when I get home. It also gives me some time to do more research. I could talk to them about it but I like having a lot of questions.
I admit it is scary though, reading the side effects. I’m not worry about what they are doing, but I am scared of death. I know the stats are low, but I need to work past it. Am I using my husband as an excuse, I kind of wish I was but it honestly wouldn’t work. I’m frustrated as I wish they had of called a month before. It could have made all the difference in the world. Now I have to wait.
I am bitchy today, I haven’t been out of the house yet and I am extremely antsy. I have no place to go but I sure as fuck don’t want to be here. I don’t know how many times I have stated that I HATE this apartment.