moods

Day 9

today has gone pretty good. No head aches. I have some body aches but I think it is from sitting cross-legged all the time. My hubby is watching the puppy while I write my blog post.

Nothing exciting has happened. The puppy is doing good. The withdrawal is going good and life is good.

I find it harder to write when I am happy.

 

Day 7

Well last night about 4am I woke up with almost a migraine headache. Then my nose was running this morning. I think I am getting a head cold. No chills or fevers so not worried about the flu. I can deal with a head cold and if the head ache is because of the withdrawal I can deal with that too. I do have some body aches but they are slight.

My mood today was good but I was super tired I slept until 1:30pm then went back to have a nap at 4:00pm I was just so tired. I still feel tired. Course getting woken up before 8 in the morning every day is super new for me and is going to take some adjusting.  Honestly so far I am not seeing a difference without the rexulti. That may prove to be different, we’ll see.

I was told Havanese were really barky. It’s damn true. She barks and barks and barks, and right now it’s this high pitched thing which sometimes sounds like someone is testing the fire alarm. I knew what I was getting into. Right now because I am not downstairs she is barking for me to come back. I’m secretly happy as that means she is attached to me and I really wanted one of the dogs to be like that. I could do without the barking though.

Not much else to say other than I won’t be writing my blog stoned again, or at least not as stoned as I was because it really took me forever to write a damn blog post.

Til Tomorrow.

 

Day 6

Today my mood was pretty good. Nothing got me down. My husband even had to work late and I was totally chill about it.

Today the puppy was awesome and would told to go potty, she runs to the peepads and goes, like on command. It’s nice because I know she won’t (hopefully) pee on the comforter again.

Sorry I’m too stoned to write, it’s taken me forever to write this. This was not my intention, I thought that Iwould be able to write better but clearly not, eep. \_O_/

The Rexulti withdrawal was fine today on the first day of going down to 1mgs.

Day 3

Today has been an alright day. I’ve been antsy though, not sure if it is because of the withdrawal or I’m just tired of being home all the time. Could be a little of both. I haven’t really had any anxiety today and other than a few body aches it seems the slow removing of the rexulti is going as planned.

The puppy is having an awesome time, she loves playing with her new sister and brother. Charlie the male doesn’t usually play but he is actually smiling in that doggy way that dogs do. I have some great pics I’ll have to post them if I can get them off my phone.

I even painted my nails today. I’m not usually one to bother with it, I just grow my nails out and leave them au natural but I decided I wanted them to look pretty. Taking care of myself is a good thing, I don’t do it very well but it’s something I really need to do more of.

I can’t think of anything to write though my brain is kind of out of it. Perhaps this again is the rexulti withdrawal.  I sure hope it doesn’t last, having nothing to write is lame.

 

Day 2

I woke up a little pissy but it was because I only slept 2 hours at a time last night concerned the puppy was going to pee on the bed. She is pretty much pad trained but hasn’t learned that the bed is not the place to pee and she has peed on two different comforters, still way better than her sister Lilly who just pees wherever she wants.  I bought this little faux grass thing that sits beside the door and she uses it a lot too. I’m so impressed with how smart she is.

Later in the day my mood improved and so far I am not feeling any side effects from the withdrawal except maybe a little more anxiety. I can handle it though, I’ve had anxiety since I gave birth and that was about 32 years ago.  Have a mentioned I have a gorgeous grandson that is not quite two yet? Anyhow that is off topic. I have always had anxiety attacks about breathing. Which when your nose is plugged from allergies is even worse. Like I said I can handle it though, I am stronger than my anxiety.

Now if I could just get out of the house more but honestly I am terrified of the flu. It’s so bad this year and my immune system is not that great since I am rarely exposed to other people. I’ve been lucky so far and I’d like to keep it that way. So I’ll avoid going out for now. I do have to see my shrink on the 5th of February but what are you going to do right?

Anyhow that’s it for today.

 

Day 1

This is day one of going off the rexulti, well tapering off it. So far so good. I mean I am not expecting any side effects yet anyhow but you never know right?

My mood has been just kind of ok, I don’t think this has anything to do with meds I just think it’s where I am in my cycle. Seems like that’s what I have is cycles. Depressed, Okay, Good, Mad. I don’t get the mad one very often. I really am kind of mellow about everything. When I do get mad it’s for a good reason.

I can’t think of anything to write about today.

The puppy has discovered cords, so now I have to really keep an eye on her. Don’t want her getting electrocuted. I have to admit it’s a little frustrating.  Plus man she can bite. I got bruises all over my hands, arms and even one on my neck. I keep stopping her and handing her a toy but it’s not working yet.

A Poem

Today I am just okay,

Tomorrow’s another day.

Maybe I’ll be glad,

That wouldn’t be half bad!

Ya silly I know, but I felt like I should write something.  Tata.

 

Rexulti

So my shrink only gave me two sample packs of Rexulti which is only enough to last a week, as I take 3mg pills and these are ones and twos, so I am going to just wean myself off it and hope that it doesn’t hurt too bad. The withdrawal sounds like it is going to suck. I just don’t know what else to do, I know the appeal is going to fail or has already failed. I can’t afford 900 bucks a month. Wish I could.  So starting tomorrow I’ll be taking 2mg for 5 days, then 1 mg for 7 days. Then it will be done.

The pup is a handful as she is going none stop now. Constantly running, playing and biting. Damn her little teeth hurt so much, I am trying to train her to only chew on toys but my the bruises on my arms and hands mean I’m not being very successful yet. Little bugger was even pulling on my hair. She’s adorable though and when hubby gets home he gives me a hand with her. That’s how I get a break to write my blog, I could never have her up here where there is a gazillion cords for her to bite through.

My mood today has been kind of down. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and when I realized the doctor hadn’t given me enough rexulti I just got pissy feeling. I hate having to depend on other people because most times I find that you can’t.  I’m hoping tomorrow will be a better day and am looking forward to going to bed very much. Only another 2 hours to go!

Wish me luck!

Just Wow

Today I reached over 500 followers. Thank you to the people who read my blog and get something from it.  That means the world to me.

The puppy is doing even better today, I got little bruises all over though from her rough playing, those little teeth are sharp and she bites and pinches.  I keep giving her toys to chew on, but she likes my fingers and arms so much better it seems.

My mood today has been good. I woke up on the right side of the bed happy but a little tired. I usually sleep until noon each day because it takes me so long to fall asleep at night but the puppy had me up about 9:30am. Gotta make sure she gets her antibiotics.  I did manage to nap today though, as soon as her little head starts bobbing like she is going to pass out I put her down on the floor and let her go potty on the pads then she climbs the stairs up onto the bed.  Here I was talking about my mood and I started talking about Dani again. lol.

I feel hopeful today. Perhaps things will swing back around to being good for a while, I like when that happens. My shrink really has seem to found the right mixture for my depression and as I said I don’t have manic episodes anymore since I had my hysterectomy several years ago. I do miss the hypo-mania though.  It allowed me to get stuff done and right now I am still overwhelmed about the amount of housework that needs to get done. I need to start off small, but it’s hard when I am making sure the little one isn’t chewing through cords and what not. Yes it’s an excuse but a valid one.

Maybe I’ll get hubby to watch her so I can get some stuff done this weekend.  We’ll see.

 

Frigging Snow

Today I woke up to a world covered in snow, hell it’s still snowing. It might make it so that I can’t make it to my shrinks tomorrow and I’m out of rexulti.  Do you ever just know things aren’t going to work out? I’m feeling slightly pessimistic right now.  The drugstore called me and I have no idea why and of course I didn’t get the message until after they were closed so now I have to wait for that until tomorrow.

On the Dani front, the pup seems to be feeling much better now that she has a couple days worth of antibiotics in her. She’s still coughing but she is running around and having a blast. The other two dogs are still getting used to her, Lilly our littlest is being a super bitch to her, she actually bit at her face and pulled out some fur. We’ll be taking the puppy with us when we go out so as not to leave them alone. I honestly thought she would love the puppy the most since Charlie never plays with her and she is only a couple years old, still a puppy herself. I think she is jealous at this point and I know it will pass.

On the mood front, I had an ok day, not a great mood and not a lot of sleep because who knew it would be so difficult sleeping with 3 dogs in a king sized bed. We’ll work it out though.  Trying to stay on the positive side of things is definitely difficult to say the least. Kind of looking forward to when I can smoke weed again. Just something to look forward to I guess.

Well that’s it for today. Least I’m blogging.

 

Sleep And Blogging

I finally got some good sleep last night. Apparently getting up in the middle of the night instead of just laying there for four hours or longer works. Or I was just too tired from not sleeping so many nights, who knows. I’ll do the same thing tonight if I can’t sleep and see what happens, though there is really not much to do at that time of night, I’m sure I can find something on crunchyroll or netflix to watch.

I’m still pissed that I posted so late yesterday, I suppose it’s going to take a while for it to become a habit. I think they said doing something for 21 days makes it a habit so we will see if that is true. I’m only a little over a week now.

Can’t stop yawning even though I slept well last night and had a nap this afternoon.

Right now I’m terrified of the flu. I rarely leave my house so hopefully that will keep me safe. I hate reading about it killing perfectly healthy people, because I’m overweight and likely have a shitty immune system from not being constantly exposed to things/people.

Anyhow that’s it for the day. Other than my mood which is just okay but still not depressed, so that is something.