agoraphobia

Doing Some Exposure Therapy

Last weekend I did a lot of stuff that I didn’t think I could never do again. Went to a family get together, went to the casino and I went to the opening of our YMCA. We also went out to dinner which was nice. Then I got sick and haven’t really done anything this week.

I asked hubby if he wanted to go on a date this weekend. I am planning on going to Dave and Busters because we have such good memories and I think it would be a fun thing to do.

I don’t know how often I’ll be blogging. I suppose it depends on my moods. Feels good to write again though.

Another Day At Another Time

Right now, things are going pretty well. I’m still kind of really having problems writing my blog.

I’ve started doing exposure therapy to solve this damn agoraphobia. It’s not going to bad. I am most anxious when I am in the car. Nebraska drivers suck.

I’m really tired of not sleeping through the night. It happens about 5 days a week. I used to come upstairs in my recliner and pass out, but the chair broke so I have to buy a new one. We did buy a weighted blanket that promptly dropped 100’s of tiny beads all over the bed. I did sleep through the night though, so we are getting a new one.

Well, I’m going to go now. I’ll write again soon.

Day 2

I woke up a little pissy but it was because I only slept 2 hours at a time last night concerned the puppy was going to pee on the bed. She is pretty much pad trained but hasn’t learned that the bed is not the place to pee and she has peed on two different comforters, still way better than her sister Lilly who just pees wherever she wants.  I bought this little faux grass thing that sits beside the door and she uses it a lot too. I’m so impressed with how smart she is.

Later in the day my mood improved and so far I am not feeling any side effects from the withdrawal except maybe a little more anxiety. I can handle it though, I’ve had anxiety since I gave birth and that was about 32 years ago.  Have a mentioned I have a gorgeous grandson that is not quite two yet? Anyhow that is off topic. I have always had anxiety attacks about breathing. Which when your nose is plugged from allergies is even worse. Like I said I can handle it though, I am stronger than my anxiety.

Now if I could just get out of the house more but honestly I am terrified of the flu. It’s so bad this year and my immune system is not that great since I am rarely exposed to other people. I’ve been lucky so far and I’d like to keep it that way. So I’ll avoid going out for now. I do have to see my shrink on the 5th of February but what are you going to do right?

Anyhow that’s it for today.

 

A Good Day

Today was a good day even though I am only going on about 3 hours sleep, if that. My mood was good though and we went out and got a third fur baby, a little 2.5 month old Havanese. We haven’t named her yet, she so cute and usually I come up with a name right away, but I think the lack of sleep is making that super difficult. I’m even having some problems typing. So this blog is going to be short.

So 1) No depression today

2) I went out!

Not too bad at all.

 

Keeping The Resolutions

So today I talked to my shrink and the insurance company denied my rexulti so we need to press forward and try to get it handled. I hope they do since the med actually helps! I am almost out of pills so my shrink gave me some samples and then I went out to lunch with hubby.  I ate a good lowish carb meal and tried to interact somewhat with the waitress.  Pretty good since I am feeling like crap and didn’t even want to go out. When hubby asked me originally I said no but then I remembered that I want to do the things Dani would have challenged me to do if she were still alive.

That’s about it for today!

Happy New Year

Well I know what my resolutions are. 1) to work harder at losing weight and 2) to write my blog every single day like i have in the past. 3) To work harder at leaving the house.

I work at losing weight but it is hard and I always did well when I ate low carb so that is my plan.

My Old best friend Dani always challenged me so in honor of her I will be working on my blog again. It’s a good challenge.

I want to be able to go out on dates with my husband so that makes me want to try harder to go out.

What are your plans for the New Year?

Tonight I Went To The Store

Tonight I went to Target with my husband and walked around the whole store.  I even asked someone for assistance.  Not a big deal for most but for me it’s a huge one!

I haven’t been out really except for a few walks with my husband so this was a pretty big deal.  I think no I know that I shocked him when I agreed to go.

My mood has been up and down and I’m still having a hard time finding things I enjoy doing but I’m going to keep trying.

I imagine that my shrink will be increasing my pristiq when I go see her and hopefully it will help.

One step at a time right?

 

I’ve Been Getting Urges

I have been getting urges to go back to work. Which is something I know I’m not ready for. I’m too damn shy to be any kind of telemarketer or phone sex op. I’ve done both so I know what I think I’ll be good at.  It’s not that I would be bad I would just be uncomfortable. I want to start going out of the house before I seriously consider working from home. I need to be able to push myself. This agoraphobia is a real bitch. I haven’t been out in I think six weeks. Well that’s not true because I did walk to the mail box on my own several times. The neighborhood feels comfortable enough for me to walk a little ways from the house on my own.

Omg this post is awful, not artfully written at all. I dunno I just want to share the changes that are happening, but am still not back to posting every day. I need to push myself to do it as I feel better after posting.

Anyhoo there’s that.

On The Upswing

I think I’m on an upswing. Not 100% sure because really what does normal feel like anyhow? It’s not like it is something I am used to.

I am being more active in things. Playing games and walking to catch Pokemon. Yesterday I spent hours watching a new anime. So hopefully that means that things are going to pick up.

I’ve made a decision that I am going to go on a road trip with my SiL and mom when my mom comes down from Canada to visit. We’re going to head to Denver and do some exploring and other fun things. It will be strange to do things without hubby but I think it’s going to be fun. I’m not gonna change my mind on this.  So now I am really looking forward to October.

Can I do normal things? We shall see.

I Did It

Last night I went to Gretna Days, which is basically a little fair our tiny town has. It was small which was a perfect introduction to being around people. We had some fair food and watched the people enjoying the rides and games. I like to people watch. I’m quite proud of myself.

Honestly though that Pokemon Go is what is really getting me out of the house. It really distracts me from my social anxiety and allows me to enjoy the outdoors and exercise. Things I need.

Last night I found some weed that had fallen back in a drawer it was just enough for me to get stoned and I admit it felt awesome. I don’t want to go back to doing it every day again though, I think that’s the reason I ended up where I am.

Gonna enjoy things while I can.