Ok the puppy is starting to feel better in her lungs thanks to some antibiotics but now her poor tushy is giving her problem which I assume is from the antibiotics, I know it does it to people. The poor little thing we’re trying to get her over 3 pounds so she doesn’t go hypoglycemic but with all these problems it’s going to take a bit. Today she was coughing less and actually playing, she has been sleeping for the past 3 days so you can understand why that’s good.
My mood is still pretty good though I’m feeling sorry for the little fur baby. I’m nervous about seeing my shrink because of the rexulti, but I am going to deal.
I haven’t smoked any weed since Christmas day so I don’t know if that is a factor or not, we’ll see in February when I start smoking again. If it turns out to have a negative impact on my antidepressants thanI will just not smoke anymore. At least not as often. Maybe once in a blue moon. We’ll see.
My diet still hasn’t taken off, with the new puppy and the sink being full of dishes I haven’t managed to get any cooking done, so we’ve had a lot of pizza and hamburgers. The sink is a battle between my husband and myself. We’ll see who loses. lol.
Well that’s it for today, see ya tomorrow.
Well I know what my resolutions are. 1) to work harder at losing weight and 2) to write my blog every single day like i have in the past. 3) To work harder at leaving the house.
I work at losing weight but it is hard and I always did well when I ate low carb so that is my plan.
My Old best friend Dani always challenged me so in honor of her I will be working on my blog again. It’s a good challenge.
I want to be able to go out on dates with my husband so that makes me want to try harder to go out.
What are your plans for the New Year?
I’ve been really self involved these last few months. I haven’t posted at all and have been depressed a great deal. My BFF’s Birthday would be in 3 days and I spent hours going over her facebook today. I miss her. I miss my monkey, she was such a wonderful lovable spirited little pain in the ass.
Some things have been going good. I am spending a lot of time with my sister in law. It feel really good to have a sister so close to me. We hang out once a week. Actually I have a dinner with my mom-in-law and sister-in-law. Me and Kate usually end up hanging though. It’s always a lot of fun. Plus there is usually wine! lol.
I kind of feel like I am experiencing normalness and not hating it for a change. I just want some stability.
Yesterday I had a horrible time getting out of bed but every time I would fall back asleep I would have dreams of trying to kill myself. It was super weird. They were incredibly vivid.
It turned out to be one of those days where I didn’t feel like I could be alone but I had no choice. I was just generally sad and confused about my dreams.
I ended up cleaning the house though and managed to walk over a mile and a half which I think is pretty good for a depressed person.
Today I again had a hard time getting out of bed, my dreams were still vivid but they were about having to do things to save my life.
My brain seems to be stuck on a theme. I’m not entirely sure why but every time something negative pops in my head I tell myself that those are not my real feelings and move past it.
My shrink says that she wants for me to be happy to wake up each day and not mind being by myself and even possibly enjoy it. I don’t know if that will happen. There isn’t a lot for me to do currently. I’m not feeling creative or explorative. I don’t want to be on my computer and I’m tired of watching the same TV shows every day.
I can’t let this get me down though. I need to figure out how to enjoy life more. I’m lucky and have my physical health. People that are worse off are living and fighting to enjoy each day so I should be able to do it.
I’m sure in time it will be different. I plan to start working out tonight, that should help. I’ve already started a low carb, high protein diet. I’m losing weight and I’m working hard to keep my house clean. Maybe I need to spend more time on myself. What do I need?
I haven’t really had anything to write about honestly. I was doing tons of laundry, which I finally finished. Yay!
My mood has been ok and I believe the wellbutrin is keeping me motivated, however I am going to run out of housework kinds of things to do then I am not sure where I’ll stand.
I hope to get back into my computer games and I also plan to exercise every day.
I’m almost back down to 250, I want to get below that so badly. I started lowcarb/high fiber again and I hope it does the trick now that it is just hubby and I.
MIL would sabotage unintentionally all the time so now is the time to prove it was her and not me!
Yesterday was my birthday so I didn’t post.
Honestly I had a lot to do. Nothing celebratory but I had to wash a lot of laundry and go shopping to fill my freezer and fridge.
Hubby and I really didn’t celebrate this year because of buying the house the day before his birthday and the appliances coming on mine. I did have my last piece of cake though!
I only bought low carb/high protein foods and we didn’t buy any junk. We are going to try and eat better and now that we don’t need to eat take out anymore it should be a lot easier.
My shrink appt went well. I did the spit dna test that determines which meds should be best for you. She upped my wellbutrin to 300mg a day since it was actually getting me out of bed and left the rest of my meds as is.
She said the goal is to get me out of bed and me enjoy being out of bed.
I still have tons of laundry to do today so I am going to stop writing. I own way too many clothes from depression/mania shopping but I can’t pair down just yet.
My mood today has been both up and down. My anxiety seems to be worse than it has been. I am not sure if it is the pristiq or just the fact that there are a lot of stressful things going on right now.
My MIL brings up packing every single day and it is starting to stress me out about doing it. I have a plan in place and it’s really not any of her buisness how I plan on doing it, but there is something said that makes me want to pull my hair out. Today her suggestion was to pack up and put our stuff in the garage. No flipping way that garage is gross I don’t want my stuff sitting out there getting moist and stinky.
I went to lunch today even though my anxiety wanted me to run the other way. I was uncomfortable the whole time and really couldn’t eat. The pristiq seems to be changing the way I feel hunger and the way I want to eat. Actually for the better cause I don’t get as hungry and can’t seem to eat all my food. So maybe I’ll start losing weight again.
Either way tomorrow will be interesting. It will prove if the being alone is really influencing my depression. I hope not cause there is no changing it.
I usually don’t make resolutions because honestly usually by the second week in January I have failed and am beating myself up. I realized that I make really big ones that are hard to do anytime. Like the common.. I’ll lose weight. My brain just can’t wrap itself around it. I have tried for years and haven’t been successful. So my resolutions will be smaller, easier to manage.
I gave up caffiene (I think) a few month ago. It’s been at least a couple. I didn’t think I could handle it, but it really interferes with the way my brain works and I don’t want to make things even harder on the meds meant to fix me.
So here are my resolutions.
1) Give up potatoes. I can do this, I’ve mostly stopped getting fries when I get meals so just going to expand on that.
2) I am going to try and breathe more. Like instead of freaking out and being angry or annoyed all the time I am going to take a moment out to myself, turn on some music or just have a nap and breathe. Stepping away is something I’ve been avoiding because I dread being alone. I make myself so much more than I need to.
3) I’m going to continue blogging every day. I am hoping to start my writing and picture blog back up when we get in the house and I have access to my computer. This one will keep going every day. I find that most days I actually look forward to writing. There are the ones I dread but then I feel proud of myself for doing it regardless of how I am feeling.
That’s it, nothing special, just three smallish resolutions to start the new year off. I think I can do these. Once I get into my home I may add more things to the list, but honestly there isn’t a lot of possibility of them happening whilst living in someone else’s home.
Do you think you make realistic resolutions if you made any?
Today has been better mood wise. The anxiety was also a little lower.
I’d like to thank sudafed for making my cold more managable.
I spent all day watching survivor from the beginning, up to episode 8. Not a great way to spend the day but at least I wasn’t moping, right?
I am doing well losing weight and have lost 17 pounds so far. It feels a little weird and I’m afraid to eat now. Yet I am craving junk food really badly. I am wonderfuil at self sabatoge. I know this yet I feel like this is a losing battle with christmas and all the sweets and carbs that come with it.
There I said some positive stuff today.. nuff said.
I was thrilled when we went out to visit the foundation today. They had our porch, garage and basement were all poured and the men were making it all smooth and cool.
Mom seems insecure about buying her home now. It makes me wonder if she is going to go through with her. I honestly worry that maybe our wanting her there has pushed her into doing something she isnt ready for.
Hubby is going to talk to her to make sure she doesnt lose too much money if she feels she would rather stay here in the house on the lake.
I just want her to be happy and we live close enough that holidays and visits arent a big deal.
I am happy right now. I cheated a little on my diet today but I got a candy bar that is only available in Canada and I am going to enjoy it! Plus I’ve lost 2.6 pounds. Go me!