This and the last post are closer than I’ve been in a long while. The wellbutrin has me motivated I suppose. I’m not unhappy. Still terrified of everything. It seems like all I can do is think of the worst scenario for anything. My brain never goes to the positive side.
I did walk to the mail box by myself today though. So that’s a huge accomplishment, specially when I have the flu. I did think a lot of negative things on the way there. Often times if keeps me from going though and this time it did not. This gives me some hope for myself and freedom from this prison I’ve created for myself. Tonight’s also the first time I’ve been high in a week. Which was a choice not because I ran out! I’m getting better at being recreational.
Anyhow I think that’s all I wanted to say.
I still haven’t painted. I got all the things I need, I have instructional videos. Bob Ross has so many I can follow along with I’m just not motivated to do it and I’m also afraid of doing it. Pretty dumb huh? Oh well.
I don’t know why I decided to write today but I thought that I ought to check in and give a wassup. 😛
I haven’t been in the best of moods. Usually I have day after day of depression. Right now I am on 3mg of Rexulti and 300mg of Wellbutrin for my depression. I think I need something else in there but I’ll work that out on my next shrinks appt.
Oh and I dyed my hair dark pink. So that’s fun.
Anyhoo going to go now..
Today at 11:18am I have already had some accomplishments. I have taken the garbage and recycling out and walked both dogs separately to the mailbox! Yep doesn’t sound like much but for someone whose house needs a full cleaning it’s a head start and it’s something I can do. I plan to also do the two loads of laundry I have had sitting in the laundry room since my mom’s visit. (That’s what happens when you own too many clothes).
I decided I would also post on my blog. So here I am! Hi 🙂
My depression must be improving without me knowing it though because the wellbutrin seems to be doing some motivating. The increase of the rexulti seems to be helping too. Though I admit the last two days I napped in the afternoon just to pass time, I was so lonely. I don’t know how to interact with people anymore. I used to play WoW and be in a guild and talk with a lot of people. I need to start doing that again just to be a part of something and to interact with people again.
I’ll figure it out I guess.
I miss my sister in law. She is dating a really nice person right now and I haven’t had a chance to see her very much. Hopefully as they get more serious that will change though and there will be a little wiggle room for me. We’ll see.
I finally made it to my shrink appt, woot! She is taking me completely off the wellbutrin and then we are also going to remove the Pristiq after. So another 6 weeks before that one goes.
That’s all I managed to accomplish, though she gave me another .5 mgs of xanax to take a day. 3 over the course of the day as opposed to the two I have in the morning the the .5 I have in the afternoon. We are trying to find a rhythm.
Overall it’s been a pretty good day. Oh I also ate breakfast at the restaurant. So big day for my social anxiety fears.
Most people would think much of it but people recovering from agoraphobia will dig where I’m coming from.
I walked to the mail box all on my own. It’s about half a block away from the house so that’s really the farthest I have gone on my own since California. (over 8 months) I think this is something I need to start adding to my daily things since it gets me exercising and gives me exposure to the outdoors? What do you think?
My mood is ok today. Not super up but not super down. I’m just right in the middle where I can smile and I can frown.
My shrink wants me to set my alarm in the morning and start taking my wellbutrin and pristiq earlier but I am still fighting to sleep as late as I can. I manage to sleep until 11:00. I don’t know what I would do with myself with those two extra hours. I think I am going to have to take her advice though.
I start therapy again in 4 days so maybe that will help, we shall see.
I haven’t really had anything to write about honestly. I was doing tons of laundry, which I finally finished. Yay!
My mood has been ok and I believe the wellbutrin is keeping me motivated, however I am going to run out of housework kinds of things to do then I am not sure where I’ll stand.
I hope to get back into my computer games and I also plan to exercise every day.
I’m almost back down to 250, I want to get below that so badly. I started lowcarb/high fiber again and I hope it does the trick now that it is just hubby and I.
MIL would sabotage unintentionally all the time so now is the time to prove it was her and not me!
Today I went to see my shrink and we talked about the depression and general lack of motivation. I’m going to stay on the pristiq and latuda and am adding wellbutrin into the mix. She is hoping it will just give me a general push upwards.
Next week I get to do the spit test to see what drugs will work best for me. As it is I think the pristiq is making me gain a little weight and usually it has a lack of wanting to eat side effect. I never seem to get the side effects I want lol.
The house is really getting into shape. I can’t wait for it to be completely unpacked. I am tired of looking at boxes. Just need to wait for my shelves and dressers to get here. Then boom I’ll be done. Have to wait for Saturday though. Guess that is not too far off. Feels like it is though.
My mood was kind of meh today but not completely down. I am still having a hard time finding interest in anything to do though and the things I usually enjoy are also just not being enjoyed. Sigh.
I know it will get better, these waves just have to keep being ridden. I wouldn’t mind a nice smooth even keel for a longer amount of time though. I don’t think that is asking to much.