Back On Track

Ok the puppy is starting to feel better in her lungs thanks to some antibiotics but now her poor tushy is giving her problem which I assume is from the antibiotics, I know it does it to people. The poor little thing we’re trying to get her over 3 pounds so she doesn’t go hypoglycemic but with all these problems it’s going to take a bit. Today she was coughing less and actually playing, she has been sleeping for the past 3 days so you can understand why that’s good.

My mood is still pretty good though I’m feeling sorry for the little fur baby.  I’m nervous about seeing my shrink because of the rexulti, but I am going to deal.

I haven’t smoked any weed since Christmas day so I don’t know if that is a factor or not, we’ll see in February when I start smoking again. If it turns out to have a negative impact on my antidepressants thanI will just not smoke anymore. At least not as often.  Maybe once in a blue moon. We’ll see.

My diet still hasn’t taken off, with the new puppy and the sink being full of dishes I haven’t managed to get any cooking done, so we’ve had a lot of pizza and hamburgers.  The sink is a battle between my husband and myself. We’ll see who loses. lol.

Well that’s it for today, see ya tomorrow.


Not Letting Go

Today I woke up depressed as usual. Hubby decided to put New Girl on Netflix and we watched several episodes and while I wasn’t laughing like him, I felt things lighten a little. Then I got hungry and he went out and picked me up something to eat. He really is a dear even though he can piss me off like no one else. Speaking of which when he came home he did something that pissed me off. I couldn’t let go of it and right now the pissed off feeling still lingers.

Thing is it was something stupid and trivial. I know I should just let it go but my body really loves to hold on the that anger. Or is it the brain? Probably both. I know I’ll calm down eventually but for now I am just pissed that I almost felt good and it’s gone now. FUCK!


I Feel Like A Horrible Person

My husband has a stressful job. In fact he had to go into work today but yet he still manages to be happy and sometimes it makes me want to claw his eyes out.. Not for long but a brief flash of what the fuck does he have to be so happy about pops into my head. Thus the reason I am a horrible person.

He’s a wonderful husband, kind and caring, occasionally romantic and always wanting to make me happy. So it makes me feel bad to want him to feel bad if even for a second. He deserves happiness more than most people I know.

I’m a bitch.


Should be Happy

I have a wonderful husband, a wonderful home. I want for nothing. I’m so miserable it’s giving me headaches and body aches. I find it difficult to smile or be involved in anything. I’m easily overwhelmed and just feel horrible.

I am lucky to have someone who supports me and wants to be happy but I wish I could be better for him and I feel guilty that I don’t feel better.

Life sucks right now.


Not About Me

I have the most wonderful husband. We’ve been together for over 15 years. He is gentle and kind and supportive. I get many hugs from him every single day. (unless he travels)I’m super fortunate to have such a good man. Even when I am depressed and on the edge of wanting to kill myself he can still manage to pull laughter from me.He’s a giant teddy bear. He’s what keeps me going. I just wanted to say how much I love him and like him. He’s my best friend and he puts up with my shit.

Today he found a dying baby bird in the parking lot at work and instead of walking by it like everyone else was he got a paper towel so he could put the poor little thing back in the nest.  He is such a good tender hearted person. I’m not sure what I did to deserve him but I am never letting him go.

I think I’ll go get a hug now.


Aloneness *ya I know it’s not a word*

Today I feel like basically just chillin’ not having to entertain any one or any dog. Just kind of want to sit in my own head and listen to dance music. You know kind of be one with my aloneness.

Normally I crave so much attention and honestly rarely ask for the amounts I truly want.  I’m sure hubby wouldn’t mind but he needs his own space as well. He likes to play games that basically take a lot of focus. Something I don’t have, ha!

So we’ll do our own thing and hug once in a while in the middle and it’s really nice.

Enter Title Here

I couldn’t think of a title name. Let’s see what has happened today. Well I got a beautiful bouquet  of flowers from my husband for mothers day. It’s super sweet that he does things like that considering we don’t have a child together and he’s never met his step daughter. *shrug* he’s a wonderful man who makes me feel loved pretty much every single day, multiple times a day. I’m a lucky woman.


Social Media

In some ways I think that all the social media that we have these days is a huge mistake. Kids are spending more time with their electronics than playing and enjoying life outside.  We text instead of talking and post anonymously about things we believe in.

Yet if I never had a computer, I would never have met my husband. I wouldn’t half this blog as an outlet and I wouldn’t be able to see all the wonderful things going on with my family in Canada.

Social Media definitely has its place in our world. Hopefully we can find a nice balance before we all turn into shut ins..

One Thing At A Time

Today my husband tried to tell me that I was going to go to the store with him. Turns out he is concerned about me. I didn’t even realize. I just kind of figured he was into his own shit and didn’t notice just how fucked up I’ve become. He’s a wonderful husband, just not very aware of whats going on around him. If I decided to put make up on he wouldn’t notice unless my lips were whore red. He’s a man, what can you expect.. just kidding no one get uptight about it.

I didn’t want to do anything again today, but I had a shower. That’s a big one for me, especially when I am alone in the house. I usually ask hubby to talk to me while I am doing it.

As soon as it gets a bit warmer I am gonna have hubby take me for a walk every day, there is a dirt road I can see from my upstairs window and I’m very interested in exploring it.

Til tomorrow.

Work and Erections

When I’m talking about work, I’m talking about my husbands employment and when I am talking about erections I’m talking about my husbands erection.

I don’t get in the mood very often thanks to a hysterectomy and being myself etc etc. When I am in the mood every few weeks I expect hubby to be standing at attention and ready.

When we first got together and I was hypersexual he would have this same issue. He gets worried about work and can’t function. I don’t hold it against him anymore but I used to be a real bitch about it.

Still it is very hard on my tiny ego, I worry that he isn’t attracted to this or that. I have a very fragile tiny ego and it doesn’t take much to hurt my feelings. Yet this has been going on for 14 years and I can handle it much better than I used to.

I’m not saying my feelings are not hurt, just that I know it’s completely unintentional and he already feels bad enough about it. Yet I had to post on the blog to try and get rid of the hurt and not take it out on him. We’ve talked it through.

I know he is stressed about the house and looking after me, that’s a lot of pressure for one person. I’m glad we never had a child to make it worse.. anyhow that’s how I’m feeling today.. hurt but just a little below the surface.