Today I woke up and I was feeling OK. Not great, not even good really, just OK.
Right now I have a headache from hell though so I’m not going to write very much.
Maybe the mood means I’m coming back around, not going to hold my breath though. Last time I thought that it didn’t happen. Maybe it’s never going to happen again.. I don’t know I’m feeling kind of negative about the whole positive thing. Weird I know.
Damn my head hurts.
Yesterday after going for a walk in the morning, I also went to CVS and went inside and shopped and stuff. I was a really good day.
Today I woke up and felt defeated almost immediately. I don’t know what the heck goes on with my brain honestly. I’m always my worst critic!
I keep having anxiety every time I think about going to the shrinks. I know I need to go but until it happens I will likely make it a much bigger problem than it will actually turn out to be.
Trying to think positive, not going very well so far.. The day’s not over yet.
Today I am less than depressed. Not happy but not as down as I have been either. So I guess it’s a tiny win.
Today I will be going out for the first time in at least a week because I have to pick up my Latuda. I really need to talk to my shrink about increasing the dosage. It might help the repeat cycles of depression that seem to be getting closer and closer together again. It makes it so hard to live a normal life.
Today I actually did some cleaning and sat through a whole movie. Which if anyone knows what depression is like makes these rare positive things. Hopefully this means my cycle is swinging the right way for a change!
First off thank you for this. 500 Likes is rather amazing. It makes me feel that I am not only writing how I feel but others can relate. Plus today is my 160th post. WoW!
Second off my Bestie suggested that I think about the positive things that are coming from the move to help with my stress.
So in list form though in no particular order.
- I will be able to experience weather again
- I am not embarrassed to go out and do things
- I have family
- I am moving closer to my BFF
- I am going to be buying a home
- I get to have another puppy
- I get to travel through some beautiful places
- I get to go to a place that feels like home.
Okay that is some positive. A lot actually. I am looking forward to the move and I think that it’s just the stress of change that so effects us bipolars that is hitting me. My husband has been wonderful and supportive trying to alleviate as much stress as possible. My BFF has been there for me even though she has been having some stress and depression of her own. I have a wonderful support system here on wordpress as well. much love.