Yesterday after going for a walk in the morning, I also went to CVS and went inside and shopped and stuff. I was a really good day.
Today I woke up and felt defeated almost immediately. I don’t know what the heck goes on with my brain honestly. I’m always my worst critic!
I keep having anxiety every time I think about going to the shrinks. I know I need to go but until it happens I will likely make it a much bigger problem than it will actually turn out to be.
Trying to think positive, not going very well so far.. The day’s not over yet.
Today was eventful. I woke up at 6:00am for some freeking reason and needless to say I was stressed. One of my dogs threw up like a ton of food which made me gag the entire time cleaning up and then I went back to bed after doing some other cleaning around here.
When I went to sleep I had nightmares about someone who really abused me in many ways for many years, when I dream of him I usually am super stressed. I think everyone has one of those dreams ya know? It did help me figure out a lot of stuff.
I realized that while I am stressed about good stuff, I am also stressed about bad stuff. My BFF is ill. my daughter is practically living on the streets and jobless and my sister in law is going through a divorce. I’m not sure I’m coming to terms with everything but realizing they are there helps I suppose.
I nt to the therapist and shrinks and had a good session, found out that my paper work is getting sent out to the ECT place the beginning of next week, which is awesome! I also picked out all the stuff for my house, even the grout, seriously never even thought about that before.
Tonight something weird happened. I was doing something and all of a sudden my left nipple started hurting, like it’s still aching. I haven’t had a mammogram in three years so I suppose it is time for me to go and get it done. I will need to get a cab, I have no one to take me to these damn appts.
I’m not gonna stress it is likely nothing, right? I’m not really asking but I will work it out. Anyhow, ya.